Finding Good When it Doesn’t Look Good

I was indoors at a conference all day last Friday and Saturday. The weather was what I find most awesome—in the upper 60’s, sunny, clear skies and no humidity. I was frustrated that I missed being outdoors on those glorious days. It was perfect weather to run in but I got home too late and too tired to do it. Sunday was my day off, but it was nasty and much cooler all day. I began my day in a bad mood because of it but caught myself quickly. Things might not be as I’d have like but, there were still things I could feel good about by letting go of what I didn’t like.

You can choose to feel bad about what you don’t like or choose to look for what’s good.

I was exhausted on Sunday. The rain gave me an opportunity to stay home. Had it been nice I’d have rushed up early, gone out running and made outdoor plans. Instead, I relaxed in bed, catching up on emails and doing things I enjoy but often don’t have time for. I went out for brunch near my place instead of meeting up with friends further away. It was the best way I could have spent my time to get my energy back. In my post on Flowing with Situations, I discussed the importance of moving past outcomes you don’t like. Take it further!

Instead of focusing on what went wrong for you, recognize what’s right!

A woman (I’ll call her Lea) who reads this blog did some phone counseling with me a while back. She was upset about an upcoming court case with her husband’s ex-wife, who was making very unreasonable demands. The outcome wasn’t good on many levels. She emailed to tell me about it. Then I got P.S. with some things that did go her way. And her lawyer offered to countersue on their behalf—for free! Lea is very angry at the main outcome, and I don’t blame her. It was unfair. But I reminded her of the good stuff.

Lea replied with why it wasn’t so great. The countersuit would only be a mall victory and the other concessions they got were also small compared to what they have to pay. She and her husband are trying to let go of their anger, and it’s hard in a truly egregious situation. But I reminded her that the main court appearance was over. She’s been stressed about it for months and now she knows the outcome and can move on. And, it could have been a LOT worse!

Focusing on outcomes you don’t like but can’t change keeps you angry and unhappy. It’s so much better to be grateful for the blessings in the situation.

Lea has some good blessings in the midst of a lousy overall outcome. I advised her to focus on them. Even if you’re angry, frustrated, disappointed, hurt, etc. by a situation, find the blessings and hold them tight in your thoughts, unless you prefer to feel unhappy. When I was a DoorMat, I wallowed in what went wrong since I didn’t think I was worthy of real happiness. Now I MUCH prefer to be happy. I can let what I don’t like to fester in my thoughts and eat away at my happiness or accept what happened and find the blessings that make me happy.

John Wooden said, “Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

I advised Lea to do that. She’s still struggling but making an effort, which is all we can do. Ask yourself, “Do I want to stew and be angry or do I want to be peaceful and happy.” I want the latter now that I know I deserve happiness. Holding onto to what went wrong serves NO purpose but to block happiness. Why do that to yourself?!?

Being loving to yourself is much better that being angry over the stuff you know you can't change the outcome of.

Letting go or holding on is a choice that you can control if you choose to. In angry circumstances, you have TWO choices—Wallow in it, hold on to negatives tight, and allow it to make you unhappy, or let it go and focus on your blessings. It’s not easy to let go but, you can if you focus on deciding to be happy. Why let a negative circumstance have more power over you than necessary? Why make it worse by letting it sink your joy. If you can’t change it, move on, since wallowing does nothing but make you feel worse!

Happy or unhappy? Which sounds better? Allow that to help you make your choice.

Holding on can also stimulate a desire to get revenge or hurt others. Why attract the results of that when you can find the blessings and be happy? I used to hold onto anger like a crutch when I felt I’d been wronged. I didn’t want to forget! Now I hold onto blessings, which brings me more things to be grateful for. I love to post them on my Conscious Gratitude group on Yahoo (which you can join!). Find your own blessings and let them nurture you to healing old wounds that keep you from being as happy as you could be.

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Law of Attraction in Action: Flowing with Situations

This is post 84 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Nobody’s life flows smoothly, without any road bumps and glitches. Mine sure doesn’t. People think of me as having a particularly blessed life. I do! But it’s not because it always go smoothly. I trust the process enough to go with the flow instead of lamenting over situations I don’t like or trying to control it too much. Trusting that you’ll get what you need at the right time keeps you relaxed and in a positive mindset for the Law of Attraction to work well with you. Holding on to your negative emotions about what happened, or didn't happen, attracts more disappointing outcomes.

Stuff happens that feels out of your control. But it’s not if you control your thoughts about it and flow with what happens instead of creating negative thoughts about it.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis said, “I have been through a lot and I have suffered a great deal. But I have had lots of happy moments, as well. Every moment one lives is different from the other. The good, the bad, hardship, the joy, the tragedy, love and happiness are all interwoven into one single, indescribable whole that is called LIFE. You cannot separate the good from the bad. And perhaps there is no need to do so, either.”

Everyone’s life will have its ups and downs. That’s how it works.

I remember when I read Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. I love this book! Someone who came to one of my workshops told me about it. I said I hadn’t read it and she sent it as a gift. “Coincidentally,” it arrived just after my dad passed away, when I was feeling down. Knowing that she sent it as an act of pure kindness perked up my spirits. I can’t say it balanced the feelings that went with my loss but it did bring some smiles to me. And I probably appreciated the book more than if it had arrived during a very happy period. The book is Walsch’s account of conversations he had with God. It both enlightened and delighted me, as this was the God I believe in!

In the book God explains that without negative occurrences, we wouldn’t appreciate the positive ones.

I agree wholeheartedly. If things always went well, we wouldn’t even recognize our blessings since there would be no contrast. Our blessings would just be life, which we’d soon take for granted. Viewing it that way has made me appreciate when things happen which I don’t like. Those times keep me grounded in appreciation of all the good stuff! It’s important to understand this. People tell me there’s no God if this or that happened to them, or, they think God hates them if something they wanted could go so wrong. These kind of thoughts don’t send a good message to the Universe and the Law of Attraction will pick up the negative vibes. You know what you’ll attract form that!

Recognizing the blessings in the down parts of life helps you move past them without getting too caught up in negativity and sends trust in getting a good outcome when the time is right.

For everything, I believe if It’s meant to be, it will be. And I can accept that now in complete faith. Relax and trust that if something goes wrong, it wasn’t meant to be. Don’t worry about whether you did something wrong or you’re being punished or that God doesn’t love you. If you did do something wrong, it was because it wasn’t right for you. Years ago I noticed a pattern in dating. With some guys I’d say things that put them off. I was aware I did it but couldn’t stop myself. Later I’d be angry at myself. Then I realized it was a sign that the guy wasn’t right for me. Now when I do it I accept that it’s to prevent not wasting more time than necessary. I didn't do it with the good guy I ended up in a relationship with!

Learn to flow with what life brings you. Don’t put yourself on an emotional seesaw ride in either direction.

When I was a DoorMat, if something good happened I’d get over the top excited. Then if something fell through, it was a long drop down to my disappointment. A friend noticed this pattern and implored me to get off the seesaw. She was right. It was one of the first lessons I learned as I prepared to leave DoorMatville. Be kinder to yourself during stressful or disappointing times. And temper your response to goodies. Yes, I do try to enjoy the latter fully, but I don’t blow them out of proportion like I used to. When you live in the moment, take the initial joy and let situations unfold.

Send a clear message that you trust that the good you want is coming, with faith and a light heart. Be patient. When things don’t go well, look for all the things you can still be happy about and let that carry you through any negatives. Then watch for more joy you'll attract with those thoughts!

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Healthy Needs

What do you need? Many of us use the word in reference to what we think we lack and make what we think we need too important for our happiness, or even for our existence. A need is a requirement, something you MUST have. Yet we often make our needs more about what we like, and think we MUST have to feel good about ourselves and our lives.

Oxygen, nutrition, and sleep are good examples of real needs. Designer shoes or a fancy car are not!

It’s important to recognize what really is a need and distinguish it from a superficial desire or wanting to attain what you’ve been taught you must have to be complete or “good enough.” When I was a DoorMat I believed my NEEDS were never met because I wasn’t happy. Looking back, my NEEDS right now are so much different. In DoorMatville, my biggest NEED was to be liked by everyone. Now I know that’s impossible, especially if I want to be liked for the right reason.

Needing to be liked fuels being a People Pleaser. Then you’re buying friends with favors and more, so you’re not liked for yourself.

Now that I’ve left DoorMatville, I only want to be liked for who I am, not for what I do. And it’s no longer tied to a need. I do my best and am grateful for those who appreciate it. I also went for many years thinking I needed a man in my life or I wouldn’t be whole or good enough. There’s definitely judgment about women who don’t have a partner. I still get asked about my love life likes it’s super important to the askers, who are often not even friends. Women do get critiqued a lot on this topic! But, I no longer care what they think!

The only one I NEED to be liked by is ME! And MY approval is the only approval I NEED.

Everyone else who likes me is a gift, not the fulfillment of a need. My real needs are simpler now. I do NOT need a man to complete me. When I’m in a good relationship, my life improves, just as it improves from my good relationships with family and friends. I need food to live but don’t NEED unhealthy foods I crave, like sugar and salty snacks. Yes, I like them and occasionally indulge. But, I rarely allow myself to NEED a bag of chips to be happy, like I used to.

People look at material possessions as needs when they aren’t happy.

When you feel a driving need for something, ask yourself why you need it, and be honest. Is it something you just want very badly or is it essential for your well-being. Are you looking to fulfill this need in order to find happiness? Fulfilling your need may give you a short period of feeling better but eventually you'll look for more things to fill the happiness hole. I did, until it finally got through to me that my priority NEED should be to do what I could to heal myself inside and love myself to true happiness. That is truly the most satisfying need to materialize.

Distinguish between essential needs, healthy needs, lifestyle needs and those that are ego-based.

Essential needs are what you literally can’t live without, like air and water. They are essential. Healthy needs are those things that maintain your body and soul, such as regular dental visits, making time for your spirit, etc. They are very important so you nurture good health, both physical and mental. Lifestyle needs nurture your quality of life, such as exercise, eating healthy, using products to take good care of your skin, losing weight for health reasons, not to attract or please someone, and having a supportive group of people.

Ego-based needs refer to the shoes you can’t live without, making having a partner an important necessity, being obsessed with having every single new tech device, and other material things you make needs for being happy. Ego is "I NEED to lose 3 pounds" "I NEED to meet a celebrity" "I NEED the latest iPad" etc. If these things aren't critical for your life, you don't NEED them. You WANT them. The first 3 types of NEEDS are healthy if not taken to an extreme.

Ego-based needs are superficial and will usually not contribute to long-term happiness, though you may think they will.

Needing to go on a crash diet is never healthy! You don’t need to get plastic surgery for better skin, to be married, to have a bigger house than your friends, to find someone to have sex with, to be rich, etc. I’m not putting any of it down. These are desires and if you want them it’s your choice. But, put them into perspective as desires, not needs. You can live without them all. You might not want to but you can. Next time you think you NEED something, think about if it’s truly a need. Use this acronym for NEEDS:

Necessary
Essential
Ego-free
Dependable
Significant

Is it really something you can live without or a desire you’d like to manifest? Declaring something as a need makes getting it essential to your happiness. You can live without most desires. You can survive and be happy if you’re not a size 2 or you aren’t sexually fulfilled by a person for a while or you have to budget a little more or your colleague gets a nicer office. You might not like it but you can still find other ways to be happy. But if you look at everything you desire as a NEED, it increases their importance to levels that can make you stressed or depressed if you pursue them as such. Or, not getting them keeps you from being happy.

Make yourself happy on the inside first, and be as self-loving as you can. It makes it much easier to change pressing needs into things that would be nice to have but aren’t essential for your happiness to flow and grow. As I focus on my real needs, life gets better and better. Then I can also put energy into fulfilling desires.

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Law of Attraction in Action: Being Ethical

This is post 83 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Many of us have that moment of decision—do I give the money back to the cashier who gave me a ten dollar bill instead of a one? Do I tell the person they made a mistake that benefits me? People sometimes make mistakes in our favor. Saving money is an enticing reason to keep your mouth shut about mistakes that positively affect you. But is it good for you in the long run?

Being ethical about mistakes that benefit you will attract more good benefits than a short-term gain at someone else’s expense.

I admit that I’ve kept my mouth shut when a cashier gave me too much and reveled in getting some extra money. Later I’d feel guilty. Will someone else have to pay more to make up the shortage or get into trouble because of it? So my benefit led me to negative feelings. It's not worth it!

The Law of Attraction picks up on dishonesty and returns it to you in ways you might not recognize but that do feel negative.

On the other hand, honesty about mistakes people make brings good rewards. People who find wallets or expensive items someone lost and return them often get a cash reward. Even better is the good feeling you get when someone is grateful that you take the time to return their belongings. Knowing you’ve done the right thing is a reward in itself.

The Law of Attraction responds well to honesty in how you handle other people’s mistakes.

I had a small but significant example of that over the weekend. I was on my way to a full day workshop and stopped to get coffee at a self-service place. Besides my coffee, I decided to get a danish for later in the day since I’d be sitting for so long. It was almost $3. The cashier thought it was a bagel and rang up a dollar and small change. Hmm, I’d save almost 2 bucks! But I knew it wasn’t right and told her what it was. I joked that she could still ring it as a bagel, and she did, saying she appreciated my honesty since few people admit mistakes.

Choosing not to take advantage of someone’s mistake can lead to you saving money anyway!

The cashier ended up just giving me the danish! She said she was entitled to a free one and I could have it. So I ended up paying less than if I’d kept her mistake quiet! It showed me the power of not taking advantage of other people’s mistakes. Sometimes it returns to you more subtlely and you may not recognize it. But, know that it does. That’s a good motivation to be ethical in how you make decisions.

Joseph Sugarman said, “Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success.”

My life didn’t change much because I saved 3 bucks on my danish. It did change because the incident strengthened my perspective on being ethical. My reward was in the response from the woman toward my honesty. She said most people wouldn’t have corrected her. By doing so, I paid less! The LOA does read the energy and bring good back for being ethical.

Think before you revel in a bargain gotten because someone made a mistake.

They might have to pay for it from their hard earned wages. It’s better to be honest and not take what’s not yours. Being ethical will reward you. It might not happen immediately like it did to me but some time down the road it will come back to you. Even if you don’t know how you attracted something good, know that acting in an ethical way does attract good stuff.

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Want vs. Expect

My last post in my Law of Attraction in Action Series was Don’t Ask! Give Thanks Instead! The Law of Attraction responds better to an intention that says thanks for what you expect instead of asking for it, with the possibility of not receiving. Asking with intention can have a similar affect on people. If you ask with intention your request will be taken more seriously. For example, if you have an employee who comes late every day, which do you think will make them heed you more?

• “You’re always late and I want you to come on time from now on.”
• “Your job starts at 9 and that’s when I expect you to be here at that time from now on.”

Both statements express dissatisfaction. The first one says you don’t like her being late and you want her to be on time. We want a lot of things we don’t get or we aren’t prepared to do something about. The second statement makes it clear what you expect. It’s more definitive and the person will take it more seriously, knowing they’ve been given a clear warning. This can work in all areas of your life.

It’s important to ask for what you need with conviction and a clear expectation.

If you sound apologetic or unsure, people won’t take your request seriously. Fake conviction! When you’re apologetic or seem like you expect a bad response, you’ll probably get one. Are you really sorry to bother a friend you’ve done a gazillion favors for about keeping his word to do something for you? Or do you feel bad about bugging someone to repay the loan you made months ago when they agreed to give it back in a week?

“You gave me your word and I expect you to keep it. Please have it by Friday.” The person not paying should be guilty, not you!

If something in your apartment has been broken for a while and maintenance doesn’t come, don’t continue to ask, “Can you fix it?” Instead, say, “When will you fix it? Or, should I call management to see if there’s another option?” Smile when you say it. Your words will get the point across. No need to beg for service you’re entitled to. There are lots of lazy people you’ll have to deal with but you can get them moving by being clear about what you expect.

When it comes to getting good service, ask with expectation—“HOW will you rectify this?” instead of “can you?” Don’t ask IF they’ll help. The choice should be from where and how help will come.

Once I sat next to a woman at a conference who complained that her hotel had no hot water for 3 nights. She complained to the front desk to no avail and felt frustrated by the lack of consideration from the staff. She felt she should get something off her bill but doubted it could happen. I advised her not to ask IF they’d give her something off her bill. Instead, Jeri should ask how much they’d take off it, as a given that it would happen.

Putting out your expectation shows you mean business.

In a situation where you feel stiffed or wronged and believe you’re entitled to compensation, the question should be, “How much” rather than asking if you can get something. Don’t get confrontational. Let your words and the conviction behind them send the message in a calm way. Jeri went to the manager and said what we practiced. "I'd like to know what adjustment the hotel will make to my bill because of the water situation." The manager immediately made an offer that was more than satisfactory.

Don’t approach a situation with antagonism. Just quietly and firmly state your expectations.

When people know you mean business and expect specific compensation or actions, they’re more likely to give you what you want. Of course you don’t want to bully people so be fair about what you expect. But if someone isn’t giving you the service you should get or a friend is taking advantage or your romantic partner is hurting you with inappropriate behavior, firmly let them know what you expect. The key is being prepared to take further action if you don’t get results.

The person who is ready to walk away or make the calls to higher people or take decisive action are the ones most likely to get the results they want.

Make sure your words and tone show that you’re serious about what you expect. I once had a boyfriend who was known for his biting sarcasm. People complained about some hurtful barbs he’d inflicted on them to no avail. He’d just laugh and say it was just his way. When he did it to me, I said it was unacceptable and that better be the last time. He knew I meant it and he never did it to me again. His friends were shocked at how nicely he always spoke to me. They complained. I let him know what I expected. There is a difference!

Affirm to yourself why you deserve what you’re asking for.

Accept your right to receive! Your attitude shouldn’t reflect doubt. You’re worthy of receiving! Anger instigates a confrontational mindset, which can rile you. Apologies or asking without conviction gets ignored. Instead, resolve situations with clear words spoken in a friendly manner, with a tone that indicates you expect results. Be clear that you expect a situation to be remedied. For example, instead of complaining about your hotel room and ASKING for another, say, “My room is unacceptable. How soon can I move?” Expressing expectations gives no other options!

Get good results by staying calm. Once emotions show, you’ve lost control. In a rational, friendly but firm tone, explain what you expect and thank the person for cooperating. That shows that you expect cooperation! The nicer you say it, the more people respond positively.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Law of Attraction in Action: Don’t Ask! Give Thanks Instead!

This is post 82 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

People tell me they ask God for what they want. I tell them not to and they look at me like I’m crazy. After all, I strongly believe that God gives us the support we need, so how can I say that you shouldn’t ask God for what you want????

Asking implies a choice. When you ask the answer could be yes or no. The Law of Attraction responds best to a clear, definite intention.

“May I have more money” shows you think it may or may not happen. “God, please help me make more money” also indicates you’re hoping to get it with doubt. “I intend to have more money! Thanks in advance for your support!” sets the intention for the Law of Attraction to work with to get you more money. Some of this is just semantics. But your choice of words does affect the response you get. I believe with all my heart that God wants us to get what we want. But it’s important to be very clear about what you expect.

The Law of Attraction works best when you expect it to already be in the pipeline to happen and you give thanks for it like you know it’s happening.

There’s no doubt when you say thanks in advance for what’s coming. I do this in every avenue of my life. When I have a meeting with an important editor or with someone I want to use my services, I say “Thanks for the meeting going well.” “When I have tickets for an outdoor show, I say, “Thanks for the weather being good for sitting outside.” Even when I’m nervous about circumstance or the unknown, I’ll say, “thanks for it all working out fine!” Pleading for help expresses fear and doubt.

“This is what I intend to have. Thank you for supporting my intention.” says you know you have what you need.

The Law of Attraction hears that message loud and clear. No doubt or fear. It says was you expect and you’re grateful knowing that you have it. People question how I could say thanks for what I haven’t manifested yet. Easy! What you expect may not be evident yet but it is in the process of coming to you. Your doctor may be concerned about a serious health problem you might have. But your body may be responding to your positive statement and working towards a state of good health so your test is negative in a week.

Things go on that you can’t see or know about that influences the outcome of what you want. Saying thanks for a positive one puts the wheels in motion for it to be positive.

The weatherman may predict rain in the morning. But giving thanks for good weather can make his prediction wrong! You may not feel the change in the direction of the winds or see the clouds break up 10 miles away when you’re saying thanks as if you already have it. But it could be happening without you knowing it. The only important thing you must see is the clear skies when you’re out enjoying the show.

Intentions begin the process of manifesting. It can take time to get what you give thanks for.

You might need time to get ready or a better opportunity may not be available yet. But continuing to give thanks for it as being already in the pipeline of manifesting for you fuels it to happen at the right time. Be patient! Don’t question if what you want will happen. When I first began affirming that I had a living space that I loved and giving thanks for it, I hated where I lived. I also didn’t know where I wanted to be or how I’d get there. Yet I kept giving thanks for living in a place I loved.

It took over a year for some events to happen that jostled me to move, though I still didn’t know where to move to.

I remember the day I realized that I’d manifested the perfect apartment in the perfect location at the perfect time. Events that I couldn’t have planned for happened that led me here. I was frustrated when I couldn't find a place in the area I’d decided I should live. Every apartment fell through or I found faults that made me pass. Then someone said a friend was looking to rent a place that I’d love. I knew nothing about the area and almost didn’t go look, but something pushed me to. Now I can’t imagine being happier anywhere else! Giving thanks for finding the perfect space--and accepting guidance--led me to it!

I know it’s hard to say thanks for what you don’t have yet but try it with faith. And keep giving thanks! If you don’t lose hope because you didn’t get instant gratification, you can eventually see the fruits of your gratitude.

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Where Do You Sit?

Whether it’s a workshop I’m attending or one I’m speaking at, I notice a dynamic in where people sit. I can often tell many things about people from their choice. It can reflect your view of yourself, your level of confidence, and how serious you are about the workshop you attend. When I come to hear a speaker or panel and it’s to something that interests me strongly, I sit near the front. When it’s not of great interest, I’ll sit further back and on the end so I can leave early if I don’t like it.

When you sit near the front, you make your presence more known, if only in your mind.

Many people say they prefer to sit in the back to be more invisible, even if the event is important to them. They don’t want to be noticed. Nor are they likely to ask questions. Talking to them, it’s obvious they don’t have good self-esteem. They’re at the event and that’s enough. But walk to the front and maybe do something that gets them attention, no way!

When you don’t feel good about yourself or your confidence is low, you’re more like to stay in the back of the room, and in life.

I can get a little crazy when I’m about to speak and people are sitting all the way in the back when there are many seats still open in the front. I often joke that I don’t bite or have bad breath and encourage them to move forward. Many do, almost like they needed permission to come closer. When I was a DoorMat, I always sat in the back. I was scared of the unknown and couldn’t pinpoint what made me so uncomfortable about sitting closer to the speaker. Maybe I’d cough and people would look? Or they’d point me out or ask me to come up to demonstrate something. Goodness knows why! I just believed I had to fade into the background.

Sitting in the back at an event that’s meaningful to you can reinforce how you see your place in the world.

Not all events are meaningful. Sometimes I attend industry panels more for the networking. I sit near the back so I can more easily slip away to get more food or drink.☺ But if you do go to learn, consider where you situate yourself. It’s not necessary to sit in the first row, but try to be in one of the first few if you can get a seat. There are advantages in doing so:

• You’ll connect better with the speaker when you can look into his/her eyes and feel their energy.

• Even if the person has a microphone, you’ll hear them better watching them speak up close. Their presence gets the message across better.

• You’re forced to pay better attention when you sit close. This is why some people prefer the back. If this is you, ask why you’re there in the first place if you don’t want to get the most you can out of the talk.

• You’ll feel more confident having done that. Sitting up close makes you feel more a part of the presentation than straining to hear or see from the back.

• If you do have a question, it’s more comfortable to raise your hand and ask when you sit close and can see the speaker well.

Even for meetings at work, it’s good to sit somewhere that you can make direct eye contact with the person leading a meeting or discussion. Speakers like seeing people nod their head in agreement when they say something or have a reaction of some sort. That increases the connection between you. And at work, it can make a good impression when you confidently take a seat near the boss (as long as there’s no protocol for where to sit).

If you tend to sit in the back or the furthest seat from the person running a meeting, ask yourself why.

Do a mental check up and see if you can figure out the reason. What are you afraid of if you sit closer? Or do you feel you’re not worthy of sitting up front? Is it a habit created by older insecurities? Sometimes we begin doing it in school and the habit carries into adulthood without realizing it. Maybe you want to dissolve into the room because you don’t care about what’s being said. But if you do, try sitting a little closer next time and get more comfortable with moving up.

I used to sit in the back when I was a DoorMat to be invisible. I’m not even sure what worried me but it was automatic to enter a room full of people and look for a seat in the back to melt into. I felt so lousy about me that I assumed I should keep a distance from the speakers. Now I sit in one of the first few rows and get soooo much more out of hearing a talk or panel discussion than I did straining to see what was going on from the back of the room.

Think before you sit at an event where you can sit anywhere!

When I give a talk I always connect more with the people sitting closer to me. I remember years ago when I was speaking, a guy walked in late. There were seats in the back but he unabashedly walked to the front and sat in the empty seat in the first row. His confidence radiated to everyone as he owned his right to sit in the front. People flocked to him in the break. This guy went on to develop a great career. I figured he would! Even if your confidence is low, fake it as you take your seat.

Moving up to the front of the room can filter into other avenues of your life.

When I sat a few rows closer than usual I felt good to break out of my back of the room hideout. As I moved closer to the front for each event I attended, I realized how much more I enjoyed presentations when I could see the person clearly and feel his or her energy. Next time you go to hear someone speak, be a bit brazen and sit right up front. Pack a smile and you’ll find that it can be empowering!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Time

This is post 81 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

In my last post, Joy in Time for YOU, I talked about the benefits of giving yourself some time off. That helps you do more on in the following days. Another important reason for making time for YOU is that it sends a powerful message to the Law of Attraction—that you are worthy of being rested and having positive well-being.

When you don’t value your time and recognize that making quality time for YOU supports your well-being, it sends a message that it’s okay for you to not feel good. Guess what you get?

It’s NEVER okay to not feel good. Sometimes stuff happens and you have no choice but to get through a super busy time. I get those too often. But these days, even at my crazy busiest, I look down the road of life to make plans for time off. This doesn’t mean you have to go somewhere or do something special. Last weekend I just stayed in bed for hours, watching mindless reruns of reality TV and doing word puzzles or playing a video game as I watched.

It doesn’t matter how you decompress and refresh as long as you do it!

When I lived in DoorMatville,, my time was something I gave away freely. Anyone who needed a piece only had to ask. Because I gave it no value, I continued attracting things that drained my time and wondered why I was always so unhappy. I’d heard you’re supposed to find joy in giving to others. Why didn’t that happen for me? Because I gave without valuing my time and didn’t include me in the giving of my time.

Carl Sandburg said, “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful, lest you let other people spend it for you.”

Your time truly is as valuable as your money and should be doled out carefully. We make budgets for our bank accounts and should do the same with the hours we have each day. You know I don’t advise going from one extreme to the other—stop giving time to others and keeping it all for yourself. I still like helping others when I can. The “when I can” is the key. Some weeks I can do more than others. During others, when work is intensive, I must save any spare time for my own activities.

The more you use time for your own needs and well-being, the more you often can give to others.

I’m not commitment-phobic with men but I am commitment-phobic with my time these days. I hesitate to make plans that will occupy a whole day or take me out of town or that I must be somewhere on the same day weekly, which is why I’ve turned down offers to teach a 15-week college course. When I commit to something that can’t be changed, it means I’m not free to take advantage of an opportunity that could crop up at the last minute.

The more I value my time, the more benefits I attract from time spent on me.

I was often tired as a DoorMat but plodded on. Now I stop to smell the roses as the saying goes. Life feels better when I take care of me. Budgeting enough time for you tells the Universe you value your time, and yourself. Your intention is to do things that make you feel good, and you attract more ways to feel good! Self-value is a crucial message to send out to the Universe. It creates a strong magnetic draw for improving your well-being.

Be flexible in setting a time budget. Make plans with and for others, while blocking out some to just be. Do WHATEVER you’d like to do, guilt-free!

I love an occasionally day of not getting dressed since I won’t be going out. Pick your own pleasure and indulge, not matter what other might think. Respect how important and valuable your time is so you don’t fritter it away on autopilot. Stop to smell your own roses, or play with your kids or take a walk or visit loved ones or vege out all morning or a gazillion other things that might make you feel good. The important thing is to do something.

Making time for you is another one of what I call gifts to yourself.

If you need motivation, remind yourself that you can’t get any time back after it’s passed. I look at each day as a gift now. You can too, if you create the consciousness to do so. Every day is a new beginning that you can choose to waste, give away, or make the most of. I like the last option. Making the most of a day is individual to each person. It’s your choice to spend your time wisely, in ways that feel satisfying on a personal level and increase your happiness!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Joy in Time for YOU

I haven’t posted for days. I had to help someone out and had no time to get to my computer to write. The rest of the time I was exhausted and decided I needed time to just chill. And I did, wonderfully! Today I feel so much more refreshed!

It’s important to honor your needs and sometimes cancel plans or allow yourself to skip things you “should do” in order to take care of YOU.

Sometimes we have to work extra hard or help someone we care about, and that’s okay. But there comes a time that running on fumes doesn’t work. Feeling exhausted and drained shouldn’t be a way of life, or even go on for more than a few days. I know my limits and while I must go beyond at times, I try not to do it too often. And, when I’m done with obligations, I take some time to get my energy back.

Taking a break can put you back in the game to be a lot more productive than running on empty and hurting your health.

Be vigilant about pushing yourself too hard and for too long. It’s hard to function at full capacity when you’re burnt out. Taking a day or two can revitalize you and help you feel better. That allows you to get a lot more done. Yesterday I was dragging all day and found it hard to enjoy the glorious weather. Today I’m energized and catching up on a lot of things. Cleaned a bit this morning. I’m writing this outdoors to really enjoy the day. I even plan to run tonight.

A day to chill is a joyous gift to you and an essential component of having good health and high energy.

Enjoy your day! Cut yourself slack in doing chores or meeting obligations. When I was a DoorMat, everyone else mattered more than me. Now I matter most to me—not at the expense of others but in a loving way that allows me to do more for them in the long run. When you’re healthy and whole you have more to give. Be kind to yourself. Every day for at least a few minutes and for a large chunk of of a day regularly.

Being rested allows you to get a lot more done.

I wish those of you who are celebrating Easter or Passover a blessed holiday! When you can, give yourself the blessing of some time for YOU.

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