Backlash

Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no to or who I stopped allowing to walk all over me.

Selfish and bitch/bastard are commonly used to manipulate people into retuning to their more giving ways.

Depending on their situations, people have varied perspectives about situations, and words. I’ve been called a bitch for taking care of myself so many times that my first workshop was called, Be a Better Bitch/Bastard. A better bitch/bastard gets called a bitch/bastard by someone who is frustrated about not getting their way or you speak up for yourself or set any other boundaries for what you give or do for others (NOTE: I’m wearing my Better Bitch and Proud of it t-shirt in the pic. I have a few left for $15, shipping included in the US).

Name-calling is often used as a weapon to get you to give in or as an outlet for disagreement.

I subscribe to the sticks & stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me—unless I let them mentality. Words can sting or hurt you a lot if you accept them as your truth. I wasn’t a bitch when I was accused of being one. Nor was I selfish for wanting my desires filled too instead of just always going along with where others wanted to eat, what they wanted to do, etc.

As long as you KNOW you’re NOT what a person accuses you of being in words, you're not. Names only have validity if you agree.

This blog is about my experiences and what worked for me and my clients. I KNOW that I’m not sneaky and vindictive as Anon called me. Of course he or she is entitled to personal opinions. I respect that not everyone will like or agree with me. But it isn’t my truth. Anon gave examples of why I am those words. I’m pretty sure I know which ones they are. This is how I see it.

* In my post called Miserably Skinny I wrote that I told someone to shut up when she asked challenged my food choice. This person was always critical of my body and picked on me for ordering a burger and fries, I told her not to tell me how to eat. But when the food came, she began a lecture that in the past ruined my pleasure (and I rarely have a burger and fries and wanted to enjoy it fully!). So I told her to shut up. I’d warned her several times to keep her criticism to herself. I didn’t need advice from someone who was skinny but miserable. And despite what Anon thinks, I’d do it again to someone who doesn’t stop her verbal jabs after being told more than once that it’s unacceptable and she had no right to speak to me like that.

* The other example was from my post on Grudges. Anon said I got a kick out of something bad happening to the worker in my building who began loudly stripping floors in the apartment bedroom right above me before 8AM on a Saturday, which by the way is illegal in NY. I could have reported him to the building manager or filed a complaint with the city, which would have created trouble for him with his job. Instead I released any recourse to the Universe and let God take care of it. Right after that, our building manager denied him the time off he wanted during the holidays.

I’d much rather let God sort it out instead of me looking to hurt someone.


I didn’t get a kick out of something bad happening to him or wish him evil. But I did get a kick out of the Law of Attraction returning it to him. And I did say I got a kick out of him thinking that I was giving him a holiday gift when it was an envelope with a note explaining (nicely!) how I was leaving it to God to deal with it. He’d done other inconsiderate things but this was intolerable. I didn’t detail it in my post but he knew I was getting physically ill from all the construction noise that began before 7 AM every weekday morning. Some of you may remember that I live facing the building that had the awful crane accident 2 years ago.

This guy and I discussed how unnerving it was. He had a problem just working with constant drilling and banging and knew how much I valued being able to catch up on sleep on weekends. My doorman said he warned the guy not to work so early but he had plans for the day and only cared about finishing early. So I thought he got an appropriate result of his actions!

Leaving grudges in God’s hands is the best recourse against someone who does you wrong.

Anon said the energy radiating from my words is ugly. Oh well. Anon has chosen to unsubscribe and that’s his/her choice. I wish him/her a blessed life. I have no idea of what caused his/her perspective and it doesn’t matter. I know who I am, which really is what matters. Be careful about letting word jabs hurt you or your joy. Always remember that names can never hurt you unless you let them. I no longer let them. I know if I do wrong or put out bad energy, it will surely come back to me. Meanwhile, my life continues to grow with delight!

When you own your right to not adopt what someone else thinks of you as true, you can guide your life down a path of YOUR choice!

Do your best to do the right thing and also understand that you and people around you may see things differently and that’s okay. Don’t let others rattle your path. Everyone has issues that push their buttons when they see or hear or read certain things. I still do. It’s important to remember that their issues aren’t yours. So I’ll continue to write my blog as I choose and people can read or not read it as they choose. Getting upset about someone else’s name calling ain’t worth the bad energy attached to it. Bless them with a good spirit and move on!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Assumptions

This is post 75 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Wanna know how to get on my nerves? Finish my sentence because you assume you know what I’m going to say. Or do what you assumed that I wanted instead of waiting for my answer. I don’t like when people second guess me. Many people don’t like it either. Yet we often second-guess ourselves when our confidence isn’t what it should be or if we’re scared or feel undeserving.

You limit what you can have or do by assuming it won’t work out.

When I was a DoorMat, I turned my assumptions into roadblocks for getting things I wanted by assuming I couldn’t have them. I believed I knew my place when it came to dating. For example, there were certain men I assumed were out of my league so I didn’t even allow myself a chance to date one. My assumptions led me to attract only the guys I assumed were what I deserved. Looking back, I prevented the “better” guys from dating me by assuming I wasn’t good enough for them. It happens in all areas of life.

Assumptions become your reality when they dominate your beliefs since you attract what you think.

Making assumptions can become a habit you don’t even notice—an automatic response to situations that you lack of confidence in or that low self-esteem can trigger. You may assume that:

* You won’t get the job you’d love because of the number of applicants. Someone has to get it so why not you? Assuming you won’t happen keeps you from applying and sends a message that you know you won’t get it. The Universe will accommodate you in not getting it.

* Someone doesn’t like you because they’re cool when you see them. Assuming that makes you cooler to the person. But often the other person is shy or may think you’re the one who doesn’t like them. I’ve assumed that about someone and quickly caught myself. When I made an effort to be friendly, the person warmed up too.

* You can’t go the distance in some form of exercise. I’m a walk-a-holic and on many occasions invited a friend to join me on a very long walk. Usually they assume they can’t do it and try to get out of it. The ones I prod are surprised that they were able to make it without falling apart. And it makes them happy to know they did it!

* It’s not the right time to ask for a raise. The right time is when you feel you DESERVE one! Assuming your boss won’t think you’ve earned one or that they company can’t afford it attracts less money. And if you don’t ask, you sure won’t get more!

You won’t know what you’re capable of doing or getting unless you try. That’s why assumptions need to be kicked out from under you if you’re letting them limit what you get. I stayed in DoorMatville for many years, assuming if I left I’d have no friends or security. Now I know that I create my own security, and people like me more, and for the right reasons, because I’m my own person now instead of a cloying people pleaser.

While I'm not into astrology in general, Susan Miller at Astrology Zone's horoscopes have been very accurate for me. Once she said that a one week window would bring me so much sex appeal, no guy would be able to resist me. I thought it was funny, but, it made me want to see if it was true. I went to a talk and saw a gorgeous guy across the room. Normally I'd have assumed he was out of my league but this time I smiled at him and got one back. We ended up going out for food after. I did this 2 more times that week and met some great guys I'd ordinarily not tried for. It taught me a lot about assumptions.

When you put out an energy of expecting instead of assuming you won't get something, you're more likely to receive.

Alan Alda said, "Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once and a while, or the light won't come in.”

Illuminate your life by giving yourself space left by assumption roadblocks that you get rid of. Challenge your assumptions by going after what you want. The worst that can happen is you don’t get what you want. But not taking risks assures you won’t get it! Years ago someone I worked me heard me saying that I assumed someone else would get the better assignment for the work I did at the time. He stopped me and said I must remember that when you assume something, you put an ass in front of u and me.

ASS-U-ME

Now I’m on the alert for my assumptions. Most of the time I catch myself from letting assumptions stop me. I want to attract all the good I can! So I don’t want to give the Universe assumptions to make real. If you catch yourself assuming that something won’t happen, ask yourself what you’re afraid of? Rejection? Not being able to do the job? Disappointment? Being judged unfairly? Work on resolving those issue to dissolve the assumptions.

ANYTHING can be achieved or received by putting your mind to it, literally and spiritually!

Watch out for your own assumptions and catch yourself before you allow them to stop you from trying something or sending the wrong message to the Universe. Remember, assumptions don’t stop you unless you embrace them! Instead, embrace a desire to do what you want and get excited about getting it. That’s a lot more rewarding.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Speaking in Front of a Group

I get many people to answer questions when I write my books, to find out what they think. The most common thing identified that both men and women are afraid to do is to speak in front of a group. Many would rather die that have the attention on them, whether it’s for a meeting at work, making a toast at wedding, or at a workshop that offers the chance to ask questions or give your opinion. Fear of saying the wrong thing or being received poorly can motivate avoiding these situations at all costs.

When you dodge speaking in front of a group because you’re scared, you can miss out on good opportunities.

In my DoorMat days I’d go to any lengths not to speak to more than one person at a time. Bigger groups intimidated me and my lips would feel crazy glued together. I was so insecure that I couldn’t imagine speaking without stumbling over my words or saying something stupid. I’d be at a panel and think something good to say. Others seemed to have it easy going up to the mic and chatting with the panelists. But, as I thought about raising my hand, my mouth would get dry and my heart beat so fast from fear that I couldn’t imagine how I’d get the words out without collapsing.

When I was trying to build my record label years ago, I went to a big music conference. I was on the cusp of building confidence—not yet there but knowing I had to take risks to succeed. One panel stirred some questions that I thought were provocative and would add some interesting elements to the discussion. Asking required me to explain what I was doing. I sat there, practicing what I’d say in my head, taking deep breaths to calm down and giving myself a silent pep talk. “I can do it!” In the past, I never got to the mic because I waited too long to get up. But I knew what had to be done.

Taking risks can reap the biggest rewards.

I wanted to move forward and got my butt out of the seat. Slowly, I got in line behind other people waiting to speak. Part of me prayed the panel would end before they got to me; a bigger part prayed that wouldn’t happen. I wondered if people could tell I was trembling as I continued to do deep breathing to build my courage. I’ll never forget how I felt when the guy in front of me finished. It was my turn. Too late to back out! I slowly stated my point and asked my question. People perked up and the panelists liked what I said.

Taking control of the fear of speaking up feels great when you get to the other side, even if it doesn’t got as well as you’d have liked. You should be proud of doing it at.

My rewards made it worthwhile to endure the stress of waiting on the line to speak. People came to me to say they loved what I said and asked for my card. And, a celebrity panelist—Ice-T—came over to speak to me. After that, I put a lot of thought into finding something “brilliant” to say on the mic at conferences, so people would know who I was. That led to meeting a lot of good people who helped me in my career.

People who speak up aren’t free of fear. They just push themselves to speak anyway.

People who know me are surprised that I still get nervous before being on a TV show or speaking in front of a group. It gets easier as you do it more often but for most of us, it doesn’t get easy. Speaking in front of large groups is part of my profession so I had to learn to get past the fear with steps to calm down and you can too:

• Take slow deep breaths through you nose and then ever more slowly let it out though your mouth. In any nervous situation, this can take the edge off of nervousness, slow down your heart rate and make you feel more relaxed.

• Be prepared! Know well what you plan to speak about. The more you research or read or learn about the topic you plan to speak about, the more confidence you'll have and the better you'll sound.

• Think before you speak. Don’t just blurt something out on the fly. I let possibilities ruminate in my head for a while before I open my mouth. I also think of ideas before I even go out. Saying something that sounds good helps you attract people for networking or making money!

• Do affirmations. I’ve been waiting for my turn to speak or ask a question and felt my insides quaking. That’s when I repeat things in my head to build confidence. “I will sound fabulous when I speak.” Before appearing on TV shows, I sometimes go to the mirror and repeat to myself that I’m really good and can make a great impression. Over and over. Damn! I really am good! ☺

• Start small to build confidence. Speak up in a small group, then at a work meeting where you can come in prepared. The more you speak up and see that the world doesn’t implode, the easier it becomes.

• Accept that everyone makes mistakes and if you stumble over a word or goof up in some way, it’s okay. Laugh and move on. People don’t remember for long, if at all. Just focus on the message you want to get across.

• Use your spiritual power. I look up and say thanks for support in sounding good when I speak. The more I feel supported, the more confident I become. I’ve put my words into the Universe’s hands and then I know I can do it well.

Lat week I went to an intro class at Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts. It’s an amazing program that pushes women to be the best they can be. They also encourage bragging and Mama Gena walked around with a mic, asking women to stand up and brag. Those who did mainly knew her already and had been through her program. There were over 250 women there. I had to speak so I raised my hand! The mic was passed to me and I gave a short rundown of my accomplishments. I got huge applause and made some fabulous contacts with women who came up to me after because of what I said.

Speaking up brings MANY rewards! Build your courage and try it! The more you do it, the more you’ll have the confidence to do it more. That confidence can carry over to other areas of your life and help you progress in your life journey, no matter where you’re going!

NOTE: I will be starting Mama Gena’s Mastery program next month and will share some of the lessons here.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Law of Attraction in Action: Grudges

This is post 74 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I have a family member I’ll call Val. I don’t like her. Growing up I consistently found her self-serving and sneaky. As a child, my mom told me to just turn the other cheek and be nice. I had resentment but kept my mouth shut, until she did something that I considered nasty to my parents years ago. Her words and actions hurt them immeasurably. That was it for me. I wanted nothing more to do with her and carried a grudge for years.

Grudges send a bad vibe to the Universe. Carrying one shows a lack of forgiveness.

Grudges stoke anger and anger is never good for you when it stays with you over time. Whenever I’d hear Val’s name mentioned I’d snarl. And, I’d talk about how awful she was to anyone who’d listen. Looking back, I was right to know she wasn’t good to have in my life. But, my anger was unnecessary. What happened was over, yet I kept it alive by carrying a grudge toward her.

Grudges attract negativity by keeping bad memories alive.

Holding onto the grudges holds onto the past. But this is the present! The feelings behind the grudges don’t allow you to live fully in the now and serve no purpose. Forgiving the person you feel a grudge against frees you from negative vibes. People often question when I advise forgiving someone who did something blatantly wrong. Forgiving is for YOU, not for them.

Forgiving someone who hurt you allows you to let the negatives go. This attracts more positive circumstances.

It’s not necessary to forgive a person directly. You never have to see or communicate with them. You can forgive in your heart. Say out loud that you don’t like what the person did but you forgive him or her. Or write down what the person did, read it aloud, then express forgiveness and burn the paper (in the sink so you don’t start a fire. : ) That tells the Universe you’ve let go of the grudge and are ready to move forward more peacefully.

Desmond Tutu said, “Forgiving is not forgetting; it's actually remembering—remembering and not using your right to hit back. It's a second chance for a new beginning. And the remembering part is particularly important. Especially if you don't want to repeat what happened.”

Don’t forget this! Forgiving doesn’t mean things are good between you and the person or forgetting what happened. Forgiving doesn’t mean excusing the person. You don’t have to like what the person did, or like the person any more than you did before. It does mean sending a positive message to the Universe. Grudges instigate negative thoughts and stir thoughts of getting revenge, which brings negatives back to you. Forgiving allows you to release any desire to get even, which attracts peace and more positive circumstances.

Forgiving is letting go of the emotional attachment to what caused your grudge against someone.

Grudges make you Grrr... when you think of the person. Forgiving changes your emotions. As I said in my post on Emotions, emotions fuel what you attract. Grudges keep negative emotions alive. Forgiving releases them and allows you to stimulate more of the positive ones that attract what you want. Remember, negative emotions are more potent than positive ones. They stick more. Forgiving is a potent way to release them. A few years ago, I learned that Val would be at a funeral I was going to. My blood began boiling as I thought of her. I knew it was time to forgive. After releasing my anger and forgiving her in my heart, I could interact with her in a civilized manner. She suggested we get together. I said nothing.

She’s history now, along with my grudge and it feels better!

Think about any grudges you might still have. Are they worth the negative energy? Learn from what someone did to you and then try to forgive so you can move forward. The lessons will hopefully prevent repeating what happened. Grudges attract anger, resentment, and a need for hurting the person back. YOU DESERVE MUCH BETTER!

When your faith is strong, you can put it into God’s hands to take care of the person for you.

A few years ago, someone who works in my building decided to do very loud work in the apartment above me before 8AM on a Saturday morning. It scared me to wake up to loud noise above my head and I was angry. It was wrong to do that! Completely inconsiderate. He knew it would bother me but did it anyway. My first instinct was to tell him off but I knew he knew what he’d done and how much I’d hate it. Instead, I wrote him a short note.

Knowing he’s religious, I said I forgive him and was putting what he’d attract into God’s hands.

It was 2 weeks before Christmas. I admit to getting a kick out of handing him the note in an envelope as he said thanks, thinking it was his Christmas tip. I went to Macy’s with the tip! And, the next week I learned that he was very upset. The time he was supposed to get off for the holidays was revoked because he was needed. I looked up to the sky and smiled! My forgiveness and releasing my grudge against him attracted a messed up vacation. It was over! He attracted that and I didn’t need to hold the grudge.

Leave revenge to the Universe. It does take place! Positive thoughts and energy is so much better than the negatives from carrying a grudge. See if you have any still festering, forgive anyone involved, and move on, knowing what they did will or has come back to them! Then you can focus on attracting more positive situations!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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I’m Just Not That Into Him

There’s a popular book called, He’s Just Not that Into You. It came from a line used on Sex and the City as a lesson for women that guys may stick around but not give you what you really want or need because he’s just not that into you. I said something similar in my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise. A guy may stick around because he gets good sex, or good home cooked meals, or he just hasn’t met anyone better. Some even like to nail a sugar momma! But he may not be emotionally invested. Men experience it too. Women stick around for the gifts, financial security, and to have a man who can complete her, at least for the moment.

Hit and run daters come in both sexes, but are more prevalent in guys, since many women will marry a guy she’s not that into, just to have financial security and to get married. If her biological clock is ticking, the odds are even greater for a woman to settle, just to have someone. I know of too many women who believe that settling is the reality of having a man. Men are much less likely to marry a woman they’re just not that into.

When He’s Just Not that Into You came out, women were in awe of this concept. I've been trying to explain it for many years. Women often ask me:

* Why doesn’t he call?
* Why doesn’t he keep his word?
* How can he sleep with me and then disappear for a while?
* Why does he let me clean and cook and spend time and then he holds back emotionally?
* And lots more along these lines.

Sometimes these situations occur if he's scared of falling in love with you and so he sabotages the relationship rather than face his feelings. More often, as the book says: He’s just not that into you. I’ve been saying this to women well before this book came out. But either way, you don’t have him emotionally. Men and women often have different agendas when they date. Women tend to look for a long-term relationship from the first date forward and analyze a man’s potential as a husband from the get-go. Men tend to go out to have fun and hope they can eventually have sex. They’re not as concerned with where this liaison will go after the first few dates.

There’s much more of an emphasis on finding a mate for women--"to feel complete." That makes many of us give having one too much importance.

As a DoorMat, I struggled to find a man who’d stay with me so I’d feel complete. Yes, I was desperate. Sadly, I encounter a lot of women with that mindset. It’s all about HIM and if HE is into you. Both sexes need to make themselves most important. Once I had a loving relationship with ME. I no longer made having a man a priority. I’d rather wait to meet someone who makes me consider it because he interests me so much, than to search for any breathing male who likes me and try to like him, like I used to do.

I don’t hear many women say, “I’m just not that into him.” But not settling for someone is key to being an empowered person.

I’ve met some nice guys lately who liked me. I tried, like I used to, to convince myself to accept a date but found myself making excuses. Friends couldn’t understand why I didn’t jump at the chance to go. “He’s a great catch.” “He makes a lot of money.” “Why not just go? You’ll have a free dinner.” And so on! They were even more confused when I said, “I’m just not that into him,” and responded with, “You don’t have to be into him to go out.” But I do! I value myself too much to endure time spent with someone I’m not into. And, I don’t need to use a man for a free dinner. I can feed myself!

No more settling! My time is too valuable to waste it with someone I’m just not into.

If you’re single and dating, pay attention to your reaction to someone you meet. Are you seeing him or her because there’s no one else, or you’re horny? In the past, I believed that someone was better than no one. Now that I value me, I want to be with a guy I find special, and worth my time. So I continue to confuse people who push me to pursue the “good catch” who likes me by saying, “I’m just not that into him.” I’m not a fisherman so I don’t need to catch anything. That makes finding a partner too important to the grand scheme of my life.

I’m happy, in love with my life and enjoy my own company and spending time with friends. Being whole on my own means I don’t need someone to complete me.

It's okay for both sexes to be "not that into ____." This concept isn't reserved for men. Become more into YOU. Enjoy doing things on your own like I do. Sometimes my friends complain I spend too much time on my own. After being dependent on having others to spend time with to not feel lonely, and having a guy to feel complete, I'm joyously enjoying all the things I love doing solo, no apologies. It's no longer what others think about me and my choices. It's what I think that matters!

When you can CHOOSE to be solo on a Saturday night because you’re just not that into him or her, your life is yours.

I’m willing to share with the RIGHT person, but until then, I’ll continue to assess whether each guy who asks me out is worth my time. DoorMat Daylle would never have believed it was possible to be happy without a man. Today, a man I'm into will add to my happiness, but I’m already happy on my own!

Give yourself a gift of love this weekend, whether you’re in a relationship or still solo.

If you're in a relationship, cut down on the material stuff and spend the weekend being loving to each other. When you can let go of the need to be in a relationship with a romantic partner and nurture your relationship with you, you’re in the best place to meet someone you won’t have to settle for, or to improve your current relationship. I wish you a HAPPY, loving, Valentine's Day, whether you're single or in a relationship!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Law of Attraction in Action: Romantic Love

This is post 73 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Sunday is the “big” day for love—Valentine’s Day. I talked about it in my post last year on V. Day but it needs to be discussed each year. This one day can generate great joy or great sorrow, depending on whether you’re in a good relationship. The hype can make almost any single person lament not having a special someone. It used to do that to me. It was weird but even when I was seeing someone, something would happen just before February 14th and either end the relationship or the guy had to leave for a while. I used to think I was love jinxed. Now I think I just made that one day too important in the scheme of a relationship.

Making V. Day THE day for love and for all romance your partner can muster can also attract a lack of romance and feeling loved on a regular basis throughout the year.

Many women put pressure on their guys to make the day special. People go to overcrowded restaurants, often with jacked up prices on their menus, to celebrate their love. Many men feel forced to ante up on the romance. They often don’t feel the vibe of what they do or give but the pressure makes them do it. But V Day isn’t joyous for everyone. It often evokes:

* Pain for people with no one special.
* Disappointment if your guy doesn’t give you a ring or you don’t get what the hype promises.
* Frustration if you get something less romantic and more practical.
* Let down later if your life goes back to the way it was.

Unrealistic expectations of this ONE day tells the Universe you don’t see every day as a wonderfully loving one that brings you love and romance.

Years ago, I spent Valentine’s Day with a friend for several years in a row. We’d do a long walk downtown, moaning every time we’d see a guy or delivery person go by with flowers. No flowers for us! We mourned not having a special guy over drinks and dinner. Though we’d always go home depressed, we repeated this for several years. As I became more empowered, I realized that I was making having romance on V. Day much too important. I had a great life, good friends, and I had me, who I finally learned to love.

The next V. Day I bought myself a rose!

I went out and shopped for one perfect rose and bought it for the one I love most—ME! It made me so happy, not just to have a rose I loved, but because I knew how far I’d come. Now I buy myself flowers every week. Why not? I don’t buy them on Valentine’s Day since they’re usually more expensive. I’ll get mine earlier in the week. But I love flowers so why not have them all year round?

No one day—no matter what it’s called—should be designated in your thoughts as THE day for love. Every day is a love day for me now!

Focusing on love for this one day can tell the Universe that you expect the special love stuff on February 14th, which can make it harder to attract the romance on other days. I just heard someone say that his wife had banned V. Day in their house. She didn’t want to delegate this one day for love and preferred to show it every day. I agree! There’s nothing wrong with having fun with your mate on this day, but recognize the value of showing love and romantic gestures regularly. That helps the connection of a good relationship sustain better that putting all your hearts into one basket on one day.

Honor your love every day, whether if it’s for your partner or yourself. I consciously give myself love and the Law of Attraction responds with more joy in myself and

I don’t have a special guy this year. I haven’t had much time or met someone worth giving some up to go on a date. It’s MY choice, not my bad luck on V Day. I’m deliriously happy with my life, despite many women thinking I’m nuts to turn down opportunities to go on a date because I’d rather write or run or a million other things. When the time is right, I’ll enjoy a V. Day with a special guy. For now, Sunday will still be a special day because I’ve discovered the joy of loving myself. After many DoorMat years of being desperate to find a guy to complete me, I celebrate that I now complete myself.

Show YOU love this weekend, along with other loved ones.

Even if you’re in a good relationship, do something special for YOU! It will help you attract more love and happiness. And if you’re single, loving yourself gives you more of a chance to attract a healthy relationship. You’ve heard it before but it’s so true—you can’t find healthy love from others until you love yourself. That shows you’re worthy of being loved and the Law of Attraction will bring it back to you!

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Making Life Changes

It seems like if there was really a wish fairy, everyone would have something they’d like to change. Whether it’s something big, like getting a huge income increase, or something personal, like losing weight, or a gazillion other types of things, most people would love something different if they didn't have to work for it. The trouble is, life isn’t a fairy tale and there is no wish fairy, so many of those wishes for change don’t come true. When I was a DoorMat, I prayed for the wish fairy to take pity on me and help me change my people pleasing ways but never got a response.

I finally accepted that change comes from within and then you do what’s necessary to achieve it.

It took time for me to change, since I operated in fear back then. Plus, I had no skills or resources to use to become a more empowered woman. My change began with discovering faith. I was just beginning to recognize that maybe there was a spiritual power I could tap into. So I stopped praying for a wish fairy and instead prayed for an epiphany or something to help me get started. Right after, 2 real friends (who didn’t know each other) lectured me a few days apart about how it bothered them to see how I let people treat me.

They told me I DESERVED a lot better and needed to stop giving all my energy to others and start doing more for me. I listened. It actually felt eerie to hear this from 2 different people at 2 different times for no apparent reason. Now I know that it was my prayers being answered. “Coincidentally,” a few days later I went to visit my parents for a week. After being nurtured and loved, I returned home with determination to change.

Ask for a sign to get started. It will most likely come through experiences like it did for me.

Pay attention and learn from the signs, unless you really want to stay in the place you’d prefer were different. If the idea of change unnerves you or seems overwhelming, try to focus on the benefits of handling situations in more satisfying ways, one step at a time. It’s much better than complaining without results. I know, because I was the Queen of Complainers. I may have been a DoorMat but I sure complained all the time to anyone who’d listen, except of course to people who were the source of what I complained about. Speaking up to people who hurt or angered me wasn’t an option back then.

One constructive baby step at a time makes changing easier. Instead of seeing changing your ways as major overhauls, perceive change as an accumulation of small lessons used effectively to break old habits—not who you are. Do it slowly but do it! I learned to initiate change with these steps:

* Acknowledge you need to change. The hardest step may be ending the delusion that helping others compensates for your dissatisfaction or that your weight makes you unhappy and holds you back or that you won’t be happy until you break an old habit, like procrastinating or talking too much.

* Decide you want to change: Make a conscious decision to seek more effective ways to handle irritating situations. You have to want it enough to do something more than just pray for the wish fairy.

* Pinpoint what to change: Pay attention to your habits. Assess which need breaking. Poor eating habits? Making excuses instead of exercising? Getting caught up in trivial activities that keep you from tackling important things? Interrupting people and not listening? Saying “yes” to things you don’t want?

* Decide what to change first: Pick one person or situation to start with. Make one small change. Eat a healthier meal one time. Say “no” to one person. Concentrate on finishing one task. As you change one habit, you’ll enjoy feeling in control over it. Then tackle another.

* Try different techniques: Like shopping, try on different suits until one fits properly. See which demeanor you’re comfortable with to express yourself more or turn down requests. You may need different attitudes with different people or different strategies in a variety of situations. Eating home more may help you get started on controlling your eating. Some people need a gym or personal trainer to exercise. Some find a walking buddy. See what feels best for you.

* Motivate yourself. Let painful memories inspire handling yourself differently. Usually we want to change things we don’t like. Think about why and write it down. Affirm the reasons you want to handle situations differently.

* Consciously applaud progress. Don't wait for major breakthroughs. Celebrate each baby step as an accomplishment, even if it seems insignificant. Saying “no” to a cookie is an accomplishment for someone who normally can’t resist. I know because I love sweets and must resist the urge to pig out too often. So when I limit myself, I’m jazzed!

* Be patient. Empowerment won’t develop overnight. It takes time to get comfortable with a new approach. If you can recognize every teeny baby step as progress on your road to what you want, you can wait for the bigger stuff to come.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. “

Change begins with that first step. Take a little one and then another. You may wake up one day and noticed you’ve broken an old habit and replaced it with one that helps you become the person you want to be as a series of baby steps adds up. I still remember when I looked in the mirror and realized how empowered I'd become. So Sweet!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Emotions

This is post 72 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I want to share with you what I consider THE most important component I learned for using the Law of Attraction successfully. It was missing from The Secret DVD, which bothered me when I watched it. I did learn a lot from watching it, but I was already knowledgeable. People who watch it need to know that making the LOA work for you isn’t as simple as wishing for something. Manifesting what you want needs fuel.

Positive emotions provide the fuel for your intentions. They send a vibration to the Universe that attracts—what you want or what you don’t want.

You may think you’re putting your intentions out well by saying them over and over. But if you’re not feeling them, they may not materialize. For example, if you interview for a new job and keep saying, “I have the job, I have the job,” but inside you’re trying to quell doubt or fear about not getting it, the emotion you feel is doubt or fear. The Universe picks up on that and you probably won’t attract the job.

When people tell me they kept putting out intentions of what they want but didn’t get it, I ask, “How “were you feeling while stating them?”

• Were you feeling doubt or fear?
• Was your intention heartfelt or just lip service without really believing it would happen?
• Did you state it by rote without feeling the impact of your words?
• Or, were you enthusiastic and excited about getting what you were trying to manifest?

The real “secret” to manifesting is to truly feel your words. The Universe picks up on the vibration behind your words and thoughts. That’s why negative ones can manifest more easily. Fear, doubt, feeling doomed for failure, play out through your body without even trying. Negative emotions stick easier and stay with you longer than positive ones. You may be very excited to get that great job interview and state that you intend to get it. But that joyous excitement can be stifled when the negative thoughts come:

• What if I screw up the interview?
• There will probably be people who are more qualified than me applying.
• Am I really good enough to do this job?

Those kinds of thoughts can override all the positive ones you had when you first got the interview. And they’ll stay with you for a long time, even way past the interview, if you don’t manage them by consciously stirring positive emotions. They can follow you to other interviews, building each time you feel let down. Negative emotions are so sticky they can be hard to get rid of. Joy and excitement can be fleeting when negative emotions settle into your thoughts and dominate the emotion behind your intentions.

So while your words state what you want, the vibration of your body’s emotions negate the words.

Understanding this is the key to manifesting positive goodies. Learning this brought my manifest to an amazing level. I am on the alert for negative emotions that can sabotage my desires. They come but I do what I can to get rid of them by saying positive affirmations to drown them out. I also ask for spiritual support in quelling the negative emotions so I can generate the positive ones needed.

When you want something, become your own cheerleader to get yourself excited about getting what you want—even if the doubts or fear are there.

Cheerleaders have to get their team revved even more when they’re losing. Getting the fans excited enough to believe the losing team can make a glorious comeback takes strong positive emotions. It’s the same with summoning positive emotions to cheer yourself to victory. Be the cheerleader needed to get excited enough to manifest.

You can override the negative emotions by generating positive emotions that can help you attract what you want.

Dig deep if necessary. Id necessary, first ask for help with quelling the negatives you feel. Talk to a friend or even a therapist. I work with people who have problem getting past the negatives to stir excitement. It’s not hopeless if you can’t do it on your own! Get a spiritual buddy and cheer each other. It’s up to you to channel or create the positive vibrations needed to manifest what you want. If you’re going after something you want bad enough, dig deep and be the cheerleader you need to be.

• Write down all the positive things that will come from manifesting what you want.
• Read it a lot, aloud when you can, with feeling.
• Talk to yourself in the mirror. “I intend to make this a reality!!!”
• Affirm over and over that you’re getting it. As you affirm, get yourself excited by looking at the list of the positives you’ll get.
• Say “thank you,” with all the enthusiasm you can muster, to the Universe—many times a day, as if you have it already. You do if you’re putting the emotions out!

The more you say things with feeling, even if it’s forced at first, the more you’ll begin to believe it. The more you believe, the more positive emotions you’ll feel. When you try this, start with something small. As you manifest, your confidence in the Law of Attraction working will grow, enabling the positive emotions to come easier.

While my faith is strong, I used to get nervous whenever my agent embarked on getting me a deal for my next book. Even with my history of successful books, getting the next deal can be tough. I learned about the importance of emotions as my agent was getting started on a new title. I asked God for help with quelling my anxiety. Then I began to generate my excitement about getting the best deal for the highest good of my book. It took a little time but I began to really feel it.

All day long, every day, I said, no screamed, “I have a fabulous deal for my book!!!”

In the past, rejection letters, which are part of the process, would get me down. This time, when I got one I said, “It doesn’t matter because I already have the perfect deal!!” the more I said it aloud with enthusiasm, the more excited I got and the more I believed. I got 2 offers but hated the terms and told my agent NO! She warned I might have to take one if nothing else came in but I kept enthusiastically saying, “I have a fabulous deal for my book!!!”

Since you can’t think 2 thoughts clearly at the same time, saying that kind of positive affirmation can drown out doubts and fears.

The last publisher to decide on the book was a good one. I held out with faith and affirmations that made me excited as my agent pushed me to consider the other offers. I refused and staunchly declared I’d get the deal I wanted. And I did! That took me to another level of understanding how to use my spiritual power to the max. Ever since I begin my manifesting by generating the emotional excitement needed. It can take some time to get into the emotional spirit this but you CAN do it!

Once you try it and it works, you’ll get even more excited, knowing you have the key to manifesting your dreams!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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