Law of Attraction in Action: Self-Acceptance

This is post 63 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I got a huge response to my recent posting in this series about Perfection. Many people emailed me directly, or Twittered the post. It emphasized how many people struggle with their desire to get over their need to be perfect. So now I’ll address the importance of accepting yourself in your own imperfect yet wonderful skin.

I said that focusing on your imperfections is the opposite of having gratitude. It also makes it hard to love yourself. How can you even like yourself if you’re making a big deal out of what’s wrong with you!?! Not loving yourself keeps you from attracting love. It also impedes self-acceptance.

A lack of self-acceptance attracts all sorts of things that you don’t want and feeds low self-esteem.

Not loving yourself sends a message that you don’t deserve or aren’t worthy of attracting good things. Loving yourself as you are sets a positive tone for receiving. Striving to be perfect puts the focus on what you don’t have instead of what you do have. It makes your thoughts negative.

And where your focus goes, the Law of Attraction goes.

So you often don’t manifest what you want, and wonder why the Law of Attraction doesn’t work for you. But it does. Your negative view of yourself for not being perfect attracts more negatives. Several people wrote asking for help with letting go of a need for perfection. Some said their obsession with perfection alienated loved ones, ruined relationships, annoyed co-workers, etc. There’s no short answer for changing the perfection mindset but I’ll give some suggestions. I want to learn to love yourself so you can attract a happier life.

You can’t just “let go of” a need to be perfect. Your perfection habits may have been with you for your whole life. So, it will take time to undo them.

When I was a DoorMat, I thought too little of myself to think I could look perfect but I sure tried to please everyone perfectly. My need for perfection was related to others. DoorMats go above and beyond to do what others need from them, sometimes to the point of annoying people with their efforts. I actually had to cool it with a friend who went so over the top to please me that it drove me crazy. Nothing I said could make her stop. We’re still friendly but I avoid making plans with her.

Attempts to be perfect can actually do damage to you and those around you. It can push people away and wound your spirit.

When someone asked me for help in my DoorMat days, I didn’t just help, I HELPED. Could I babysit? Sure, and I’ll also cook your kids a meal and drive them home. Can I loan money? Sure, and pay me back when it’s convenient, which often ended up as never, but I’d still lend more. I wanted to be the perfect friend. But the more perfect I was for others, the more I hurt me. As my self-esteem increased, I knew I had to stop trying to be such a perfect friend. So I set about to break the perfection habit. You can break yours too! To break your perfection habit:

* Pay attention to your expectations. What are you beating yourself up over? What are you trying to improve? Why is it so important? Being aware can help you realize you can live as an imperfect human being.

*Ask yourself how it makes you feel to pursue perfection? If it doesn’t feel good, it isn’t good! Period! You want thoughts and intentions that attract happy circumstances, not make you feel bad or inadequate.

* ACCEPT that nobody can be perfect, including you. You don’t have to like that but it’s the truth. With acceptance, change can come. This step can take a long time. Even if you can’t process it into your behavior yet, ACCEPT that this is true.

* Ask, “Am I willing to try to let go of the need to be perfect?” WILLING is key. It can take years and may be hard, but are you WILLING to TRY? Once you’re willing to try, you’ll be more open to doing it, in as many steps as it takes.

* Ask, “Am I willing to try to accept myself as I am?” Self-acceptance is the antidote to needing to be perfect. The more I accepted me, the more I was able to ease up on perfectly pleasing others.

* Become determined to win the battle that may ensue in your head as you try to convince yourself to stop striving to be perfect. Prepare to win! Use affirmations to quiet the voices that push you to go for perfection.

* Say, “I love and accept myself as I am,” over and over to strengthen your resolve. Say it in the mirror. Say it aloud when you’re alone. You might not like and accept yourself but saying it over and over, preferably with conviction even if it’s faked, sends a message to the Universe that will return to support you. When I began saying it I didn’t like me. But as I continued to say it, something in me clicked. I realized I deserve love and my own acceptance.

* List your good qualities. We all have them. When you look for things you like about yourself, you’ll find them. Focus on your assets instead of what you don’t have. It feels a lot better.

* Give yourself lots of LOVE! Doing loving things for yourself will stoke self-love, which helps you to truly accept yourself. Treat yourself regularly! Be kinder when it comes to you. As it makes you feel good, love is easier to attract.

* Have patience. There can be a big distance between point A—believing that only perfection will make you happy—and point B—accepting your imperfect self as you are. Don’t try to rush getting there. Little teeny baby steps can eventually get you to point B. It took me years to get to a place of total self-acceptance. I’d still like a better body but I love what I have, flab and all. Each bit of progress nurtures self-love and helps you let go of the perfection myth.

Nobody is perfect. Some people just hide their flaws better than others.

The biggest antidote to seeking perfection is self-acceptance. And I’ll tell you a secret—the more you accept yourself in your current skin, the more confident you’ll feel. It shows in how you carry yourself and when you have it, it masks a lot of imperfections that you may see that others won’t. When I hated myself for not being thin, I felt fat and attracted less guys. No that I see myself as hot and curvy, I attract a lot more.

Confidence is appealing in romance, at work and in life in general. Self-acceptance stimulates that!

So tell the Universe you’re good enough now. You can still seek to improve yourself. I do. But I no longer have perfection as my brass ring. If I can get my body healthier, I’m happy. Losing weight is a side effect. I no longer try to be like women I see on TV. Nor do I envy them. Do your best at work; be a friend without sacrificing yourself; paint or do music or another art activity for enjoyment, not to push yourself harder than necessary. You lose the joy when you do.

It’s YOUR CHOICE—keep rejecting your imperfect but wonderful self or CHOOSE to live in a more joyful state of self-acceptance.

When you can relax and love yourself in your current package, you’ll attract so many wonderful emotions, and more love. It sends a wonderful vibe and message to the Universe that gets returned with things you deserve. Positive thoughts attract positive situations. Happiness really rocks more than anything else you can attract. You absolutely can develop self-acceptance if you are willing to.

I truly love myself deeply now. I do loving things for me every day. It still blows me away that after hating myself for so many years I can love myself this much! I want to be happy and relaxed. Striving for perfection will prevent that. If you saw me you’d know I’m not perfect. I have extra pounds and cellulite. I can be lazy when I need to work, sloppy when I get lazy, I'm getting older so my skin have more imperfections and I can annoy people when I talk too much. But that’s ME, and I accept it all. I don’t love my flab or annoying habits but they’re not who I am. I really truly love me! YEAH! Join me in this love fest!

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I am thankful for….

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. While I count my blessings every day on my Conscious Gratitude group on Yahoo, I love having a whole day to focus on being grateful for everything in my life. Even if you live in a country that doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving (and I know many of you are out there!), please join me in our tradition of focusing on your blessings.

John F. Kennedy said, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

It’s so true! Spiritual lip service doesn’t cut it! Many people make gratitude lists but don’t feel the appreciation that should go with them. Feeling deep gratitude for all your blessings is one of the best ways to attract more blessings. When I was a DoorMat I thought I had none since I was so focused on how unattractive I felt, the disappointment of always feeling let down by people, overburdened with favors I couldn’t say no to, etc. Blessings???? Ha, not for me back then.

Insecurity makes us do things that can overshadow our blessings.

Those negatives were my choice. I made them because I was too insecure to stand up to people. But even with all that, I did have many blessings I couldn’t see. Cellulite blinded me to my overall good curvy figure, pretty green eyes and what I now know is my pretty face. Unhappiness blinded me to happy things that were there.

Now I recognize my blessings with joy! In honor of Thanksgiving, I will list some of my blessings here. And, it would be a blessing for me if you would share yours in the comment section below. Think about EVERYTHING you can that's good in your life and write it down. The more you think, the more you’ll think of. Here goes mine:

WHAT I’M GRATEFUL FOR

My wonderful, supportive friends and family.

My brother in law had a clear PET scan after going through heavy treatment for cancer.

That I developed the guts to reinvent myself after being an unhappy schoolteacher to becoming a successful author, speaker, self-empowerment counselor and music industry consultant.

Having a career that fulfills me that I LOVE.

Sticking to my vows to live a passion driven life.

Being able to touch the lives of people from around the world with my writing.

Having exceptionally good health.

Loving the apartment I live in—heart of midtown Manhattan eastside, overlooking trees, lot of light and space, peaceful.

Always having enough money for what I want.

Feeling very positive about my life.

Being able to do what I want, how I want, when I want.

Getting to travel.

Being content with who I am and getting older because I know I keep getting better!

All of you who support my blog.

Writing this from the Berkshire Mountains in CT where my sister has a house and my whole family is here.

My BIGGEST, BIGGEST, BIGGEST, blessing is my total faith in God! It sustains me and allows me to manifest whatever I need.

And, not being a DoorMat anymore.

Please share your blessings in the comments section right below!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all and may you recognize MANY blessings!


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Law of Attraction in Action: Eating

This is post 62 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

As the holiday season approaches, I thought eating was a good topic, since many of us will do a lot of it. ☺ We try not to. Resolve to be strong. But then the temptation and scents of yummies weaken us. So we indulge. And indulge. And then often lament and come down on ourselves hard after. It’s better to put eating into perspective so you can enjoy it more. Food is to be enjoyed.

You can ruin a good pig-out with regret and self-scolding.

Eating is normal. We all need to do it. Of course eating to excess, like I’ll probably do on Thursday, isn’t something to do regularly, but splurges are fun on holidays! Guilt isn’t. Yet so I see or hear from so many people who afflict self-wounds by denying themselves the pleasure of good eating or by eat the fattening goodies and then berating themselves so much that all pleasure is squashed.

The Law of Attraction hears you put yourself down for indulging in yummy excess or lamenting about how fat you are so you must be good.

All this attracts unhappiness for sure. And, it says you expect to get fat from one meal or that a splurge will ruin your body, both of which aren’t true unless you make it so. The Law of Attraction takes those thoughts and supports them coming true. When I had those kind of fat thoughts, I did gain weight more easily and then things prevented me from taking the weight off.

Hello! If you EXPECT to gain weight and EXPECT to feel fat, you probably will!

As I relaxed about my body and eating, a funny thing happened. I gained less during pig-outs and it came off easier. When I was a DoorMat, I hated my body and saw myself as fat. I swear, if I ate a piece of pie I could see it in my stomach area right after so all the joy of a special dinner would go right out the window. The more I’d lament that I was a big fat pig, the more weight I gained. Now I know I was affirming it.

Today I enjoy my food thoroughly and tell the Universe I’m not worried about gaining weight, at least not permanently. And I don’t!

If you approach a holiday meal with thoughts of “I’m so fat,” “What a pig I am,” “I hate myself for eating well at the dinner,” “I’m bad for wanting another piece of cake,” you send a message of self-loathing. You also say you EXPECT to gain weight, instead of believing, like I do, that a splurge can come off fast with some exercise and healthier eating after. And it does for me!

When you love yourself and accept your body with love, weight comes off. I put it out that I EXPECT my body to be the same a few days after holiday eating, and it is.

Self-loathing attracts more to loath. It puts out fat expectations that come to pass. Self-love somehow helps the body to relax and attract easier weight loss. Body loathing attracts weight gain. Of course I try to eat in moderation after pigging out and I also do more exercise if I can. But I no longer worry about it.

Worrying tells the Universe you don’t trust that your body will survive holiday eating.

Self-loathing attracts more self-loathing. Self-love attracts more self-love and sets up a vibration for you to survive holiday eating and still feel good about yourself. Of course you don’t want to totally lose control. That’s just common sense. I leave on Wednesday to spend 4 days at my sister’s house in the Berkshire Mountains of Connecticut. My sister loves to entertain and is a fabulous cook. So I know I’ll have to exert some constraint. But I also know I’ll be pigging out a lot too! I’m bringing my sneakers and will do some power-walking and running to burn off some calories. And if necessary, I’ll be more vigilant about my eating for a while when I return.

Pigging out for days does bring weight gain, no matter how vigilant you are. I don’t expect the Universe to completely pardon me if I over-indulge for 4 days.

So I’ll do what I can to prepare for it in advance. While I will eat the fattening foods I love, I’ll do what I can to stay in some loose control of my eating. This is more because I love myself enough to want to remain healthy. Eating an overabundance of fat and sugar isn’t good for me and I’ll respect that. Plus, after days of that I don't feel well and I like to feel well! Turkey day will be forgiving and I’ll eat what I want. Then I’ll set some boundaries, while still enjoying the good food.

My message to the Universe: I deserve to enjoy a pig-out without hurting my body but I also love myself enough to take care of me.

Everything in moderation after the big dinner shows that intention. But it’s done out of self-love, not self-loathing or hating my body. I just began adding chia seeds to my diet. They’re known as the super food of the Amazon for their dense nutritional value. They also make me feel fuller so I don't want to eat as much. I’ll have them with me to try to keep my pig-outs in control. With it all, I EXPECT to keep my weight stable, and attract things to help me balance the eating. I’m lucky that I burn more calories in the thinner mountain air.

Relax and enjoy a good meal when the opportunity arises. Don’t taint it with guilt or anger about it. That's an act of self-love, which attract good things.

Then take better care to eat more healthy and exercise to burn some of it off. You only live once. Show the Universe you love yourself enough to splurge and enjoy and enough to then take control. I already know that by the end of next week, my scale will be where it was this morning. When you relax and EXPECT to not have long-term weight gain, it’s easier to enjoy the holidays, and to keep your weight in check.

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Everyone Passes Me When I Run!

I’ve always been running in Central Park for just a few years. I’ve always been a power walker but stepped it up a notch when my metabolism began to slow down. I enjoy it a lot. When I began, it was just running a few yards to add some juice to my walks. That was all I could do. A whole minute running was a success 4 years ago. I challenged myself to run a little further each time and my legs got stronger. I admit that I get jazzed knowing I run most of the time now.

While exercise is important, it’s just as important to respect and care for your body.

Many people injure their knees from running and I’ve been warned about it. So when I run, I try to be careful. My tendons behind the knee get tight. Stopping to stretch a few times helps that. I take glucosamine and chondroitin to keep them lubricated and to maintain the cartilage. I’m also conscious of my technique as I run. I began watching the other runners and noticed that most took long strides. I tried that too, since otherwise they all ran past me. But I noticed my knee tendons got tighter as I did.

I decided that my body health was more important than what others thought!

Then I read an article about ChiRunning , a technique that allows you to run in a way that eases the impact on the body. Instead of taking long strides, I take shorter steps and keep my feet just above the ground, kind of rolling from foot to foot. So I go slower and other runners whiz by me. In my insecure days, that would have bothered me. I always worried about what people thought. Now my well-being comes first!

Most strangers don’t give a hoot about what you’re doing, as long as it doesn’t affect them.

The insecure Daylle would have pushed herself to speed up to maintain an image. But this secure one knows that what’s best for my body is the significant issue. I don’t have to make a good impression on people in the park I don’t know. What's most important is that I am running! People have told me they failed to do something innocuous because they were in public and didn’t want to do it in front of others, like reading a trashy novel, eating something fattening on the train, even smiling! So they deprive themselves to avoid possible scorn by strangers who don’t care.

Even if people notice something you’re doing, you’ll be history in their memory seconds after you’re not around.

As I run, EVERYONE passes me now. There’s rarely someone I can keep up with in terms of going fast. But, I realized that I take a lot more steps than most people and am sort of going faster on some levels. I’m just taking shorter steps, so I don’t seem to go as fast. Others extend their legs, or are much taller than me so they make more progress because each step they take is longer. It feels great to be secure enough to not care that I’m probably the slowest runner in Central Park. Their knees will probably give out faster than mine!

Insecure people always worry that someone will notice them. Secure people don’t care!

Next time you’re worrying about being judged by someone in the line at a store, when you’re at the gym, or anywhere else that makes you self-conscious, remember that the most important thing is to be true to your own needs and what’s best for you. I could run faster but instead put my well-being first and focus on the joy of knowing that I am running. Period. DoorMats try to mimic what they think is the “right way.” Or they give up on an activity that they don’t do as well as others. Years ago, I’d have been too self-conscious to run since I couldn’t have handled being slower. Now I run with pride that I’m doing it.

Making what you do more important than what a stranger might think of you gives you more freedom to be YOU. That’s a priceless gift to self!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Perfection

This is post 61 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Last week I discussed how your PERSPECTIVE sets the tone for your reality, and how striving to be perfect warps your perspective of circumstances. Many people strive for perfection. They tend to focus their attention on what’s not right instead of what is. As a DoorMat, the qualities I hated about myself blinded me to my good ones. You can get 99 questions right on a test and beat yourself up for the one you got wrong. I’ve seen people who lost 50 pounds dramatizing the last 5 that are hard to lose. That sends a message that you’ll never be happy until you achieve perfection.

Since perfection doesn’t exist, you’ll keep attracting unhappiness.

Years ago I had a boyfriend who was never satisfied. He went to the gym obsessively. I thought his body was amazing. He only saw the teensy spot that wasn’t perfect. When he got a new client, he clouded his joy by lamenting about one who was still on the fence. If he didn’t sign everyone he went after, he only saw the failure and was rarely happy. His need for perfection made me eventually break up with him. There was no way I’d join him in postponing happiness for the day perfection arrived!

Needing to be perfect puts out a message that you’re dissatisfied with what you have—the antithesis of expressing gratitude.

People who always strive for perfection tell the Universe that they don’t appreciate their blessings and they resent not getting everything they want on their terms. They’re often not happy. I find perfectionists to be a lot less faithful than others. It’s hard to have faith when you don’t feel like you’re getting what you need when you decide it’s needed. Since perfection is impossible, perfection seekers assume their needs aren’t being met by a higher power since they’re still lacking in something.

Yet we attract so much more when put positive energy on what’s going right—our blessings—instead of putting negative energy on what we haven’t attracted.

Not being perfect makes people angry—at the situation and at themselves for not being able to control everything. Anger feels lousy and negates self-love. That in itself attracts more negatives or at least blocks many of the positive things that could be attracted by being more self-forgiving. Anger at out not being perfect attracts more imperfect things you may be angry about. Instead of relaxing with your blessings, anger about what you don’t have negates getting more blessings.

Seeking the impossible—perfection—sets impossible goals to manifest.

Perfectionists fail to realize that even people that seem perfect from afar aren’t perfect. Yankee Derek Jeeter has his off games of getting no hits, yet he’s a star athlete. So is Tiger Woods but he sometimes has an off day too. People with great bodies have cellulite when they peel off their Spanx and you see them with their flab and cellulite. Makeup can do a lot for perfect looking celebs. So can airbrushing. Yet we often look to those we envy as examples of what we want, or want to be.

Our good qualities and accomplishments get lost in the shadow of flaws, goals yet to be achieved, and anything else that’s not perfect.

Seeking perfection sells your positive assets way short and sets you up to be unhappy. When you appreciate what you have and what you do, you attract more of that. Strive to improve, not to become perfect. Feeling disgruntled about imperfections reinforces them. Feeling good about what you do right makes it easier to attract more things to feel proud of.

Progress is more important than perfection!

If you want to lose weight, do your best to improve your eating habits and take a few extra steps to burn calories. You may never have a flat tummy but can have a fitter body. Mine still has some flab but I still love my body now since I’ve worked hard to be fit and healthy. If I was waiting to have a perfect body, I wouldn’t feel so much joy about my improvements. But I celebrate improvement, even if I still have cellulite and will never be perfectly firm and thin. Since I adopted this mindset, I notice the weight comes off easier. I seem to attract weight loss and not gaining as easily.

I’ll repeat: Progress is more important than perfection! Celebrate any progress you make to improving yourself. You’ll attract more progress that way. Trade the perfection myth for realistic progress and enjoy what you attract instead of lamenting what hasn’t come yet. It makes for a happier life!

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Detoxifying Your Life

I'm delight to have Tina Tessina, Ph.D. back as my guest blogger. Her articles always bring a great response as she has such a great take on life's ups and downs. Tina is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in California. She is the author of MANY books, including the best selling, The 10 Smartest Decisions A Woman Can Make Before 40 Money, and her newest two, The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You're Far Apart (Adams Media, 2008) and Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media, 2008) Tina also writes the "Dr. Romance" column on Yahoo! Personals and MUCH more! Today she provides a lot of food for thought to help you get rid of toxins in your life.

Detox Your Life

[Adapted from It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction]
by Tina B. Tessina

Many of my clients come in with complaints about personal habits that feel toxic in their lives. Just as you can detox your body when you‚re feeling sluggish, it‚s also possible to detox your emotional life. Here are some of the most common ways your life can back up on you, and how to handle it.

1. Frequently late: The cure to lateness is twofold: learn to estimate time better, and get more organized, so you are not delayed by looking for last minute items. Perhaps the most important reason to cure yourself of lateness is that it is rude to others, and costs you their good opinion. If your partner is late, stop waiting! Set a reasonable grace period (eg:15 minutes) and then leave without the other person, leaving a note about how to meet you wherever you're going. That way, you are not forced to operate on the other person's time schedule. You'll be surprised at how quickly he or she will learn to be on time.

2. Often angry or irritated: Being easily angered or irritated is a great way to punish yourself. It raises your blood pressure, and tends to create unnecessary problems with others. Anger interferes with clear thinking, and being irritable makes it unpleasant and difficult for others to work or socialize with you. To reform this habit, you must develop more emotional maturity. Understand that your anger is not seen as power by others, but as childishness and petulance. It will lose you far more than you will gain. Learn to slow down, and reduce your overly high expectations. Allow others to be themselves, and don't expect them to march to your drum. Counting to 10 works wonders, as does taking three deep breaths when you are upset.

Taking up yoga, meditation, tai chi, or another calming pursuit will teach you patience. Strenuous physical activity is a great way to burn off excess anger. If none of these work, see a therapist or join an anger management group.

3. Unsure of ability to do something: Insecurity and feelings of incompetence are definitely stressful, but they may also be useful. Find out if you really are unprepared for the task ahead. Don't be afraid to ask questions, or ask for help. It's OK to be a beginner, even if you're an expert in other things. If you don't try to pretend you're better than you are, you will get more help from others. Take it slowly, and allow yourself to learn as you go. Above all, be supportive to yourself, and don't subject yourself to harsh internal criticism.

4. Overextended: Frequently becoming overextended can be a sign of grandiosity - -overblown expectations of your abilities - - or of trying to control everything. Reduce your expectations of your own accomplishments, and allow others to help you in their own way. In the long run, being a team player is usually more efficient than trying to do it all alone and becoming overwhelmed.

5. Not enough time for stress relief: This is an extension of being overextended, and may be a sign that you always come last in your own life. Learn to schedule time for yourself to relax and to play. If you write personal time on your schedule the same way you do appointments with others, you'll be more likely to actually do it. Join a class or group that meets regularly for a relaxing activity such as dancing, stretching or meditation, or schedule a regular massage, manicure or facial, so you'll have a guaranteed place to relax.

6. Feeling unbearably tense: If your anxiety is this high, you may need therapy. Anxiety and panic attacks are among the easiest things to fix in counseling sessions. You are probably running non - stop negative self - talk, which keeps you anxious about everything. Try affirmations and/or prayer to counteract the running commentary in your mind. Learn to breathe deeply from your diaphragm when you feel anxious—it slows your heartbeat and calms you down.

7. Frequently pessimistic: A negative attitude is a result of negative self - talk, and of a negative attitude probably learned in childhood. There are many self - help books which will guide you in learning to change the nature of your approach to life. Techniques such as prayer and affirmations, counting your blessings, and setting small goals every day will help you turn this around.

8. Upset by conflicts with others: All conflict is upsetting. The key is to reduce the amount of conflict in your life. Many of the above techniques, such as anger reduction and positive self - talk, will contribute to improving your relationships with others. In addition, you can learn better social techniques such as active listening, positive regard, win - win negotiation and clear communication which will eliminate the source of conflict. Learn to listen to others (even when you don't agree) and, before speaking, consider how your words might feel to the other person. Treat other people more as you would like them to treat you, and, most important, stop and think before reacting to someone else.

9. Worn - out or burned – out: Burnout is the result of feeling overextended or ineffective for a long period of time. Most of us can deal with small amounts of frustration or feeling overwhelmed, but if it goes on too long, we lose all our motivation, and become burned out. Motivation comes from celebration and appreciation, so learn to celebrate each little accomplishment, and seek appreciation when you need it. If you have trouble doing that, perhaps it's time to make a career change or to change some other aspect of your life.

10. Feeling lonely: Loneliness may not result from actually being alone, but more from feeling misunderstood or not valued. People often isolate themselves because they feel inadequate in social situations. Value the friends you do have, and make new friends by attending classes or other group events where you can focus on a task or assignment. This will take the pressure off your contact with other people, and give you something in common with them. Be wary of spending too much time on your computer, in chat rooms, etc. These activities absorb time, but do little to dispel loneliness. Make sure you schedule some time with a friend at least once a week, and if you don't have friends, then use that weekly time to take a class or join a group (for example, a book club or sports group ) which will give you a chance to make new friends.

You can subscribe to Tina's free newsletter: "Happiness Tips from Tina" on Tina Tessina's site.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Law of Attraction in Action: Perspective

This is post 60 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Some people see the glass half empty and others, like me, see it as half full. Yet it’s the same glass! People who see it as half empty wonder why I attract more. They think I must be lucky. But I know it has nothing to do with luck. It’s all about the perspective you put on a circumstances. Your view of situations puts a positive or negative spin on it, hence half empty or half full. It’s YOUR choice. A positive spin is a much better one!

Your perspective on a situation sends a strong message to the Law of Attraction.

You can have a perspective about something that’s happening or a roadblock you see coming or disappointments or anything else can has 2 sides. You may not see 2 sides if you’re negative about it. Many people look at the gloomier one. That sets your expectations to gloomy. For example, if the sun isn’t shining brightly, some people call it a nasty day. I call it nice. It would be nicer to have more sunshine but it’s still nice.

A positive perspective puts you into a better mood.

Yet it seems easier to many people to assume the worst or take a negative perspective in any situation that isn’t perfect. Many things can be right but they focus on what’s wrong. That’s why so many women with decent bodies lament to confused friends and romantic partners that they’re fat. Each time they reinforce the negatives of being fat as their loved ones scratch their heads, trying to figure out what she sees, since she’s not fat; she just not perfectly thin. When I was a DoorMat, all I saw was my cellulite when I looked in the mirror. Even with my clothes on, I had x-ray vision and saw it through my clothes. It blinded me to all my good features. I was fat and that was it. It also said I was no good, and attracted negative situaitons.

Fat blindness is a common perspective that blinds some of us to our good qualities.

When the temperature dropped sharply in NY, it was still sunny. Someone called and asked if I was going out in the miserable weather. Miserable? I looked outside again since this person lived near me. I thought maybe a freak dark cloud had messed up the day. But there it was—the sun shining brightly. I asked how she could call this day with bright, clear blue skies miserable? Her response was, “It’s too cold.” Yes it was cold, near freezing, but it was such a pretty day otherwise.

People let one piece of a situation set their perspective on everything.

My friend doesn’t like cold weather. Calling the day miserable made her miserable. She felt down. I asked if she liked the sun. Yes, she did. I suggested she edit her perspective. It was a gorgeous day but the temperature was lower than she liked. Appreciate the sunshine and wish for higher temps. It lightened her mood! She’d been so focused on the cold that she ignored the beautiful day. Her negative attitude had attracted more negatives. All of a sudden, acknowledging the sunshine put her in a better mood!

Dag Hammerskjold said, “Never measure the height of a mountain, until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was.”

I’ve actually climbed mountains that seemed impossible for me but let go of that perspective by focusing on taking one step at a time. It’s okay to acknowledge that something looks hard. But to pointedly assess it with a hardcore negative attracts more negativity and makes you unlikely to have an open-minded perspective. My friend began to appreciate the sunshine though she still hated the cold. The day wasn’t miserable anymore—just too cold.

Often situations look much worse before they happen. Making a point of looking for something positive about it.

We hold ourselves back by jumping to a negative perspective and attracting the results of our thoughts. I talked to someone who told me that some negative things happened to her in a row. Her perspective? “I’m jinxed!” I told her not to keep saying that but her perspective was fixed on that. No matter how hard I tried to convince her to let go of that thought, she was more convinced it was true.

When I saw her a few weeks later, she gloated that she’d been proven right—her company was moving far away and she was out of a job. Now she had to move because her landlord raised her rent higher than she expected and yada, yada. "So I am jinxed" she "triumphantly" told me. Is being jinxed something to be happy about? Yet her joy was in proving her perspective correct. I told her her determination to remain jinxed attracted more things going wrong. the Law of Attraction sends you what your thoughts expect.

Being right about a negative is wrong! Why gloat over attracting bad circumstances!?

Instead, try climbing the mountain. See it as hard but not impossible. Catch yourself when you have negative thoughts or negative statements about something and try to edit your perspective a bit. I had a string of negatives happen but instead of succumbing to them, I affirmed that today is the first day of my life and I choose to have things go well from hereon in. And they did!

The more negative your perspective, the more negative your circumstances will be.

Do you have a stuffed nose and keep saying that you’re sick? I stop people from doing that often. When I have a stuffy nose, even if it makes me feel miserable, I say I just have a stuffed nosed. People have told me I must be sick. I deny it! Saying you’re sick attracts more illness. I recover fast when my perspective is healthy with a stuffed nose or some other thing that isn’t feeling right. Have you stopped at someone’s house and think it looks nice as she utters, “My place is a mess!” Something is out of place yet it’s a mess now. It’s unfair to you when you say these kinds of things and it makes you unhappy and it attracts more negatives to that situation.

Be more vigilant of your perspective and you can prevent yourself from manifesting what you don’t want more of.

It also keeps you in a better mood. Look for the silver lining when you don’t like what’s going on or what you anticipate. When we recently had a string of nasty weather, I didn’t like it. I began to feel lousy with the weather. Then I decided it gave me an excuse to do things I was putting off indoors to be outdoors. When I lamented about not being able to go running, I decided that my knees could use a break and this forced me to have one. They felt better when the weather cleared and I ran again, so it was a good thing to give them a break. As my perspective brightened, so did my circumstance. You can do this too by being conscious. It’s nicer to be happy EVERY day, not just when everything is perfect!

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Lessons from the NYC Marathon

On Sunday I watched the NYC Marathon on TV. The route goes near where I live and I enjoy watching the runners going up First Avenue where I often walk. I found some valuable lessons in the behavior of the runners.

Lesson #1: Pace yourself so you finish smarter. When running in a marathon, you need to stay focused on your pace to not burn out before the finish line. Some runners immediately get out ahead of the main pack of runners. You can see the glee on their faces to know that everyone sees them in the lead. Some make fewer detours to the water stations to keep that lead. But, in most cases, the person who runs ahead in the beginning doesn’t win the race and the one who skips water loses steam early. Smart runners let one person set the pace and stick close in the group, saving energy for the sprints closer to the end.

It’s the same in life. It’s important to think before acting.

Making moves to get attention doesn’t necessarily get you what you want in the long run. Bragging may momentarily make people listen but it can turn them off too. Not setting goals for yourself can leave you unprepared for what steps you should take and when. That said, you need to be prepared to alter your moves if something unexpected happens. When Meb Keflezighi took the lead ahead of Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot, he passed the water station but chose not to drink at that point. Instead, he carried it until Cheruiyot, who he’d just passed, slowed down a touch. Then he got hydrated. That helped him to keep the lead and win the race.

Lesson #2: Don’t lose your sense of caring for others in your attempt to win. In your quest to succeed, don’t forget to be considerate of others when possible. Paula Radcliffe was the favorite by far to win the women’s race. She’s won 4 NYC races and is idolized by many of the racers. There was an air of respect for her among them.But you could see she was struggling. She stayed in front for many miles since the other women knew what she’s capable of and didn’t want to pass her early on. But then she began to drop back.

As they rounded the turn onto First Avenue, Derartu Tulu of Ethiopia must have noticed Radcliffe struggling. I’m sure Tulu wanted to win. Seconds can count in marathons. Yet she pulled alongside of Radcliffe and seemed to ask if she was okay and gave her an encouraging look as the other women just pushed to take the lead. I was very touched by that show of concern. I’m sure many would think it was a waste of time she should have used to focus on her run. I sat there rooting for her.

With it all, Tulu came in first. And in the midst of her victory, she went to give Radcliffe a hug when she limped across the finish line. That’s the kind of winner we should strive to be!

Helping co-workers sends out positive energy. Looking at them as competition you need to beat doesn’t. You’ve heard that winning isn’t everything and it’s true! In my book, Tulu won when she displayed humanity during the race. Years ago, I was at a conference and met someone who’d written a book on the same topic as one I’d written that had just come out. I introduced myself with an outstretched hand to a fellow writer. He glared at me and practically barked, “You’re my competition.”

We’re all human beings and a nasty attitude toward colleagues will not serve you well.

I just told this guy that there was room for both of our books and I’d be happy to support him if I could. He continued snarling at me. My books continue to sell well while he hasn’t had a new one in years. A bad attitude toward others can shoot you in your own foot. It attracts more bad energy. Tulu on the other hand, won the race despite taking time to show compassion.

Lesson #3: Don’t listen to what other people expect, or don’t expect of you. For many miles, the 2 runners from Kenya were in front of the men’s pack. US runner Meb Keflezighi was fourth. The commentators discussed how it could be first and second place for Kenya. Keflezighi had almost quit running not that long ago after an injury. Some said he was too old. He’d never won a NYC marathon. They hoped he could at least get third place. There were many American men in the top 10 and Keflezighi wasn’t their first choice to have a chance to win.

If you believe the hype, you can sabotage your chance to win from the starting line.

Keflezighi didn’t. He got into the zone and kept running smart, like a winner. This guy and his family exemplify the American dream. His father worked hard to bring his family here from the African nation of Eritrea. All 11 children have done well. Keflezighi is a proud American and wore his shirt that said USA with pride. You could see the determination in his face. As they discussed how Cheruiyot, had the ability to pass Keflezighi, he increased his lead.

Despite all the other picks for the winner, Keflezighi won, with a big lead!

Have you been told that you can’t do something and let that affect your willingness to try anyway? There are many naysayers waiting to sink your boat if you let them. Opinions don’t hold you back. YOU hold you back if you believe the opinions and stop expecting to win because of them. Some of us are still held back by limits given as kids. People tell me they can’t do something because they’re too old, not thin enough, not smart enough, etc.

When someone tells me I can’t, it motivates me to prove them wrong.

It’s hard enough to win without being burdened by what others think. If Meb Keflezighi had listened to the doubt about his winning, he may not have had his full focus on winning. But he knew it was possible and went for it. It was felt that Derartu Tulu was too old to win at 37. But she did! People buck the system and ignore what others say all the time. I do! And I win when I do. So the next time you’re trying to succeed at something, block out doubts with “I can do anything I choose to do!”

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Law of Attraction in Action: Surrender What You Want

This is post 59 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I’ve been going through some rough spots lately. There’s been pressure tied to a big project. I’ve also been having problems getting enough sleep. When I’m tired, it’s hard to function properly. Sometimes when I’m tired I forget the power I can tap into. I finally decided it was time to feel better. As I pondered what thoughts I could have to feel better, I realized that my higher power is there for me.

So I surrendered what was going on with my health to God. Then I looked for signs and boy did I find them!

I remembered that last fall I went through something similar. The change of seasons can affect our health. And on exactly the same October weekend a year ago as the one that just past, I also surrendered things bothering me to God and had an incredible transition. So I decided it would happen again on that weekend. I’d have my breakthrough and thanked God for it. Surrendering yourself to God, or the Universe, sends out a message of faith, which attracts the support you need.

Then I watched for God to speak to me with guidance.

Several people recommended that I check out the Sacred Center on 86th Street and West End Avenue in Manhattan. I realized that God was telling me to go check it out. When I got someone’s newsletter and the link was in it, I looked up and clicked. I figured Sunday was the best day to go since it was the weekend one year after my breakthrough last year. I knew it was no accident that I found it. So I decided to go to their service. It was at 2PM, which is better for me.

The church had a class after the service called Breakthrough, which I was expecting to have! Again, I knew this was God sending me there and I signed up.

Releasing my health into God’s hands led me to resources that helped me to help myself! Sunday I woke up feeling more refreshed than I have in weeks. While changing the TV channels to find a weather forecast, I passed Joel Osteen’s half hour show. I occasionally stop to listen to him for a few minutes but usually get distracted. This time I turned it on just as he began. And he spoke to me. I believe that I attracted Osteen’s message with my thoughts. He advised reaching your hand up and saying something like:

“As an act of faith, I’m reaching out my hand to receive healing.”

I did it with enthusiasm and felt psyched! I saw it as God reinforcing that He was with me on healing the health I surrendered to him. Other people might insist it was just a coincidence, like finding the Sacred Center. I choose to believe it was God encouraging me. Believing that makes me feel good and keeps my intentions on God’s loving support. It helps me to feel like I’m taking back control of my life, as I discusses in my earlier post on Control.

Feeling in control sends a strong message of intention to the Universe. Surrendering your outcome to your higher power begins the process.

The service and class at the Sacred Center was truly inspiring. The energy in the church was so pure and hopeful and I joyously sang along with their choir. The speakers blew me away. The reverend, August Gold, is very motivational and she also led the Breakthrough class. Besides all of that, I got some other signs. One that brought me to tears was the song the choir ended with—U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” After reinventing myself, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. I keep my options open. I've considered that my theme song ever since.

Keeping your options open is surrendering your path to God.

I watch for opportunities and follow the lead I’m given. That song reminds me that I’ll always keep my options open. After I find something I’ve wanted, there are always new dreams and goals, and unknown opportunities. So I’ll never find what I’m looking for because I actually don’t look for anything. I surrender what’s coming and find it when the signs are there.

When you live with the faith that you’re taken care of, you’re taken care of. There’s great elation in accepting that’s how the Law of Attraction works!

I left the church feeling a lot better. My project got done and my sleep improved. I feel more hopeful about some things than I have in a while. And I continue to reach my hand up to God and say, “As an act of faith, I’m reaching out my hand to receive healing.” Next time you’re struggling with something, whether it’s your health or making a decision or you need help with your career, or romance or anything at all, try to find enough faith to put the situation into the hands of your higher being. Then try your best to relax in the knowing that it will all work out for your highest good.

I know it’s hard when you’re scared. But, as you try it and get what you need, it gets easier. Whenever I surrender what I need to God, He comes through. If you’re doubtful, acknowledge it and then ask for Him to take care of it anyway. You’ll feel the most power on your side than you can even imagine as this trust returns to you with good results.

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