Tips, Tools and Perspective for Being More Empowered

Welcome to my self-empowerment blog--as seen in The Huffington Post Guide to Blogging! I used to be a wimp and never got taken seriously. When I became one of the first chicks to start a record label, I learned to navigate the male dominated music industry and earned respect, without raising my voice or getting overtly tough. I transferred those skills into all areas of life and now get what I want from most people. I'll share those lessons here by talking about my observations of situations and habits that hold both men and women back from being as empowered as possible. I'll also give tips for more effective communication, handling yourself with more confidence, and in general, how to come across as more serious--whether it's at work, dealing with an annoying phone company, your mother, a romantic partner and anyone else you want to feel more in control with. Everybody can use more tools for taking control of their lives, like in my latest book, Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill). Please subscribe if you'd like more!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Law of Attraction in Action: Patience

This is post 32 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I’ve noticed a common thread in what I hear from many clients that come to me for counseling. They say they’re ready to change. They want to change. They have to change. They know it for certain. We talk. They see what they need to do and make an attempt. But when their worlds don’t begin to revolve in a different direction right away, they get badly discouraged and some give up. Or they get negative about getting what they want. That tells the Universe that they’re not ready to wait for the right time and they don’t trust it to happen. So it doesn’t!

I’ve learned that the Holy Grail quality for achieving change is PATIENCE.

There are many other qualities necessary to move forward and improve your life, succeed, and get what you want. But having the fortitude to wait for what you want is the glue that keeps it all together. It’s hard to persevere without patience. Good results are rarely quick, which is better, because when they come, they stick for longer. Patience allows time for growth.

But we like instant gratification and want results immediately! Improving habits takes time.

There’s a low success rate for dieting because we lose interest if we’re not thin in a month. Fortify your patience to go the distance if you want a successful journey into self like I had. I took the long, slow route for long-term results. Forget instant gratification. Patiently look forward to the rest of your life as a happy, empowered person.

Frustration is a patience buster. Control it by savoring each baby step.

Revel in the slightest control over habits. Even if progress stalls, be proud if you don’t permanently regress to old ways. It’s hard to break habits. Patience allows you to. The great Mahatma Gandhi said, “ To lose patience is to lose the battle.” And the battle may be with yourself—to give up or hang in! When I was DoorMat I’d hear someone speak and get motivated to change. But if nothing happened right away, I’d decide it wouldn’t happen and stop trying. Then I’d get angry at myself for not changing fast—until I finally chose to hang in. Developing patience allowed me the time I needed to build some good self-esteem and stay on the road out of DoorMatville.

Benjamin Franklin said, "He that can have patience can have what he will."

When you feel ready to make a change, you may feel an urge to push fast to the next level. But often you're not ready. You need the patience to develop your skills or self-esteem or self-love, etc. so that you can keep moving forward. Take your time. Appreciate each baby step on the road to a more empowered life. Tell the Universe you’ll trust that you’ll get what you need by being patient and you will get what you need.

Abe Lincoln said, "Nothing valuable can be lost by taking time."

When things take longer than you’d like, reassure yourself that you’ll have what you need at the right time. Building faith was the best fuel for my patience. I truly believe in my heart that I’ll get what I need so I’m willing to wait for the right time. You have your whole life to get where you want to go. The most important step is to get on the path. Be patient and develop yourself, your career, your confidence, etc,, a little at a time. That's the best way to increase your chance of longevity. Trying to go fast can burn you out fast. Change that’s done slowly has a better shot at being permanent.

It took me many years to get where I am now and it was worth the time it took!

Create a baby step progress list. Write down each little thing you do to move yourself forward. Pat yourself on the back for each. And relish each teensy step forward and each bit of progress you can maintain. Losing 10 pounds fast and then gaining it back fast isn’t satisfying for long. But losing a half pound a week that stays off means 26 pounds in a year. Patience is not only a virtue, it’s a blessing to have it! And, it sends a strong message of faith that tells the Law of Attraction to bring it on at the right time!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Saturday, March 28, 2009

Is Your Life an Adventure?


In my last post in my series in the Law of Attraction in Action, Adjectives for Your Life, I suggested that you write down all the words that describe your life. It got me thinking about a word that I've used to label mine for years yet don’t hear people use much. I believe that everyone should see their life as an:

Adventure. Do you make a point of living or just pass time?

When I lived in DoorMatville I referred to myself as comatose—passing time to get from one day to the next. I didn’t feel unhappy; I didn’t feel much of anything, except maybe fear. I was always scared that someone wouldn’t like me or that I wouldn’t have enough people to spend time with or that I'd somehow screw up. I was scared that people would think I was too fat or unattractive to deal with. And I was too busy worrying about pleasing everyone to consider being happy.

The only adventure in my life back then was an occasional wishful thought—that I quickly banished.

As I began to feel better about me and decided to leave the “security” of DoorMatville behind, I knew I had to get divorced. I’d gone from the loving care of my parents to the loving care of my husband at twenty and had never been on my own. My husband didn’t treat me badly. I treated myself badly! I didn’t know what it was like to take care of myself or to consider that dreams could come true. But once I agreed to a divorced, something in me clicked!

I wanted to finally LIVE on purpose and not just pass time.

People commiserated with me when I moved out. It wasn’t needed. My life would finally be MINE and I was excited. Some people think I’m awful to say that I danced out of my old life to be a single woman on her own. But it’s the truth and I have no guilt. I still remember the day that friends helped me load up a van with my belongings. All I could think of was that I intended to LIVE! I got into the van, giddy with excitement. As I drove away, it hit me.

I intended to have an adventure every day. No more comatose DoorMat!
John Amatt said, "Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life – facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potential."

That was me! When you go to sleep you never know what will happen when you wake up. It’s your choice to embrace the ride or try to avoid the bumps like I did in DoorMatville. I encounter more people who do the latter. That prevents embracing the adventure you life can be. Like John Amatt said, I’m not looking to have wild and crazy adventures each day, though I do like to have them occasionally. Instead, I acknowledge the adventure that life is, or at least can be when you let it.

You only have one life. Passing time and ignoring possibilities wastes it.

The good news is you can start now. I lost my twenties in DoorMatville, bored and adventure-free. But boy, have I made up for it. I don’t lament those years. They’re over and looking back with regret serves no purpose. Plus, I think I appreciate my adventure of life so much more for having been devoid of it in my early adult years. Now I look forward and see the adventure before me, to embark on or hide from. I embark! Think abut what’s going on right now. Do you have any decisions to make? Opportunities to try something new? People to meet? Events to go to? Ideas to pursue? Or a walk to take?

You can make everything you do an adventure by changing the way you see it.

Most people don't consider a walk in my neighborhood an adventure.☺But I do! I always notice new things. While I often take the same route, my eyes open now instead of not paying attention to anything but to where I’m going. I see people focused on their path and getting there quickly, looking straight ahead. I look all around, take in the details and appreciate what I see. I notice interesting pieces of architecture as I go through the streets of Manhattan; a lovely store display; an assortment of people.
Life becomes richer when you pay attention to all the details around you.

I have many special memories of my adventures. One that I particularly enjoyed was walking past the Sherry Netherland hotel on Fifth Avenue on the way to run in Central Park one evening. Had I not been in observation mode, I might not have noticed singer Rod Stewart and the legendary Clive Davis, all decked out in tuxedoes. They were standing on the street, waiting for their car. I smiled as I crossed the street to the park entrance, thinking how cool it was to live in NYC. As I entered Central Park 3 minutes later, my adventure suddenly changed as a raccoon and her 2 babies watched me run by. How glorious that was!

One minute I shared a space with Rod Stewart and Clive Davis in the heart of a big city and the next I was in the country, with raccoons.

I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the night. To me, that was an adventure, because I appreciated it as one! Each morning I ask what adventure I’ll have today? I expect one and see it in what I do. Feeling your life as an adventure feels much better than making it your goal to avoid pain and an occasional bumpy ride.

Adventures do include failing and experiences that can hurt and problems and disappointments. That’s life! But to experience the joy of living, you have to experience it all. It’s said that the really lucky people aren’t the ones who have things handed to them or who seem to have everything go their way.

The real lucky people take what life throws at them at makes the most of it instead of letting potholes stop their adventure.

Since leaving DoorMatville, life hasn’t always been easy. I’ve had many obstacles to overcome. But thinking of my life as an adventure, and reveling in the joy of being on one, made it worth pushing forward. You can’t get time back but you can choose your path for right now. I still remember what went through my head as I drove to my first apartment as a single chick—FREEDOM! I was free at last.

Taking life as an adventurous journey is freedom.

Living within the parameters of what others want from you or being fear driven or avoiding more than seeking puts invisible bars around you. I used to feel like I was in prison—one of my own doing. I was too scared to try something new or to rock anyone’s boat by setting boundaries or making myself important. Fear kept me locked up. Leaving my marriage was a prison break that I still appreciate.
So choose—jail or freedom? If you choose freedom, slowly change your perception of how you view your life and turn it into an adventure with just your thoughts!

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Getting Through the Down Economy

Most of us feel the bad economy. I'm delighted to have Laurie Nadel, Ph.D., back as a guest. I heard from many folks after her last post because she has great suggestions for improving your life. Today she shares some tips for things you can do RIGHT NOW to change your own small piece of the world and calm your worrying about the economy.

5 Mind Traps About The Economy & How to Stop Them From Destroying Your Life

By Laurie Nadel, Ph.D.

In “Stress and America,” the American Psychological Association reported that 80% of Americans feel stressed about the economic crisis; 60% feel angry about it; and 52% are having trouble sleeping. It is easy to blame the news for the rise in stress levels. But let’s face it: even when the economy is booming, the news generally tends to be negative in tone. Let’s look at it from another angle:

If you keep banging your head against a wall until it bleeds, do you blame the wall?

Ruminating obsessively about the economy or letting your fears keep you awake at night is like blaming the wall for being made of brick when you are the one who keeps slamming your head against it. What happens when you stop? Whether it’s a brick wall or the economic crisis, your head stops hurting. (Aaah! Doesn’t that feel better?) “That’s easy for you to say,” you may be thinking. “But what, specifically, can I do to stop worrying?” The first key is to identify the Mind Traps that keep you from thinking productively and finding solutions. Here are FIVE of the most common Mind Traps:

Mind Trap #1: Watching “The Fear Channel.” Did you know that your mind is like a television? It is constantly projecting images onto the screen of your conscious mind. When you are sleeping, those streams of images are called dreams (or nightmares). When you are awake, they make up a subliminal cable channel that runs through your mind 24/7 whether you are aware of it or not.

Every time you watch the news on TV or your computer, or listen on the radio, or read a newspaper or blog about the impact of the economic crisis, your mind selects the images, words, and themes that have the greatest emotional impact. Within nanoseconds, you are watching large, bright colorful ‘mind movies’ about bankruptcy, home foreclosures, swindlers, and people who became so desperate after losing large sums of money that they committed suicide.

Your head begins to feel as if it’s glued to “The Fear Channel.” Knowing this, are you surprised that you have anxiety about the economy?

Here’s the solution: Change the channel! Imagine you have a remote control in your hand and you can switch from watching those disaster movies to watching something that makes you feel good. How about your very own personal “Health and Fitness Channel?” Or your “Friends and Family” channel?

It’s your mind. It’s your TV. It’s your remote. Stop banging your head against the wall. It’s not the economy, stupid. You forgot to change the channel.
So do it.

Mind Trap #2: Getting stuck in NeverAlways Land. When I was a young girl, Peter Pan was one of my favorite stories. In one version, the actress Mary Martin played Peter Pan. She sang a song to describe her life:
“I know a place where dreams are born and life is never planned.
It’s not in any chart. You must find it with your heart.
NeverNever Land.”

As the Bible says, there are times “to put away childish things.” We outgrow nursery rhymes and fairy tales. We forget about Peter Pan and NeverNeverLand. We become adults. We have families and careers. We take on responsibilities. We work hard to pay our bills. When a financial crisis like the present one escalates to becoming the number one issue on everyone’s mind, our attention starts to wander. Without realizing it, we have drifted into the emotional swamplands of NeverAlways Land. We start to think, “I’ll never get out of debt,” “I will always have financial problems,” “We will never recover,” etc.

The quicksand of NeverAlways Land starts sucking you down into a destructive spiral of negative thinking.

There is a solution: When you are feeling stuck, pay attention to the words you use when you are speaking out loud or in your head. Write down every time you use “Always” or “Never.” Draw a border around your list of “Always” and “Never” phrases. This ‘territory’ of the mind is NeverAlways Land. As you become more aware of when you use these generalizations, it will become easier for you to navigate away from NeverAlwaysLand. Try replacing “Never” and “Always” with some of the following words:
“Sometimes” * “Maybe” * “Perhaps” * “Yet” * “Not yet” * “Now” * “Possibly”

You will find that staying away from NeverAlways Land creates a different mental landscape, one that is wide open to the possibility that life can change for the better. Not now, perhaps…. but possibly.

Mind Trap #3: It’s not fair! One of my first jobs was assistant editor for the Comic Book Association of America. It was my job to read the story boards and make sure they conformed to the comic book industry association code which went something like this: “In every comic book story, good must always triumph over evil and the villain must never be allowed to escape.” Boys and girls, I am sorry to have to break it to you but real life isn’t fair. Nowhere, except in comic books, is it written that life comes without hardship.

Fair or unfair, that’s just the way it goes sometimes.

In some ways, Mind Trap #3 seems like the cruelest of them all. There is no rational answer for why honest, hard-working individuals will be prevented from retiring because of the stock market’s tanking. Nor can I assist you in understanding why the CEO’s of General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler have corporate jets at their disposal when thousands of autoworkers are unemployed. I do know that ruminating about the unfairness of it all will make it impossible for you to find that new job or scale down your expenses. What it will do is keep you stuck in the mentality of a victim, which you are not. You can choose to think differently.

“You probably spent more time learning how to drive a car than learning how to use your brain,” said Richard Bandler, a founder of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Whether you are out of work or afraid of losing your job or just plain worried, now is the best time to find your hidden strengths and make use of intelligences that you never knew you had.

It is possible that years from now, you will look back at this crisis and say, “It wasn’t fair but if I hadn’t gone through all that, I would not be who I am today. I would never know that I had certain strengths and abilities because I would not have been motivated to discover them.”

Mind Trap#4: There is nothing I can do. In the 1990’s, I spent 7 years teaching in corporate universities. One of my favorite homework assignments was asking students to bring into class an “impossible problem.” “What makes a problem impossible?” you may wonder.

1. You don’t believe you are smart enough to solve it.
2. The solution is not within your control. Someone else has to give it the green light.
3. The problem is framed in a yes/no format. This leaves no room for brainstorming new solutions. It implies that there is only one correct answer.

Mind Trap #4 is a virtual “bridge to nowhere.” If you do not believe you are capable of coming up with new ideas, you will stay stuck. If you frame the problem so that you do not have control over the choices that need to be made in order to solve the problem, guess what? You won’t be able to solve it. And if you frame the problem in a yes/no, black/white, either/or format, you are assuming there is only one correct answer. In complex, real-life situations, rarely is there one correct answer. Just as Mind Trap#4 has a few layers of complexity, so do real-life problems.

Stay far away from Mind Trap#4 if you really want solutions.

Mind Trap #5: “Second pig” thinking. In the story of the three little pigs, the big bad wolf threatened to huff and puff and blow down the house of the first little pig. He panicked and built a house of straw. The wolf came, as promised. You know what happened. The second little pig saw what happened to the first pig and said, “Hmm…that was a flimsy house of straw.” He threw together a house of sticks. The wolf came, huffed and puffed, blew the second little pig’s house down, and ate him.

The third little pig thought for awhile. “The problem isn’t the house. The wolf is the source of the problem.” He designed and built a house of bricks but he knew that would not stop the wolf. Eventually, the third little pig lured the wolf to come down the chimney where there was a pot of boiling water on the fire. The third little pig solved the problem by taking time to identify the source of the problem rather than just throwing solutions at it and hoping it would go away.

MIND TRAP #5 can be avoided quite easily. Take time to think about the source of a problem before you try to fix it. That way, it won’t come back.
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This article was first published in "Mind Power News?"
Laurie Nadel, Ph.D. mentors women who need breakthroughs to achieve their dreams.
She is the host of “The Sixth Sense” radio show on www.webtalkradio.net which reaches 70,000 listeners weekly. Dr. Laurie also blogs for The Huffington Post. She was a columnist for The New York Times.Dr. Laurie Nadel suggests you let her and Ed Caldwell show you the best ways to stay away from debilitating Mind Traps About The Economy and other helpful life skills by checking their teleseminars at www.whydriveyourselfcrazy.com.
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Monday, March 23, 2009

Law of Attraction in Action: Adjectives for Your Life

This is post 31 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

The other day, someone I know was saying that lately his life sucked. I winced each time he said it. Others chimed in with adjectives about their lives that were negative. “My life feels like a struggle.” “I know what you mean, life is hard.” I asked them for more adjectives to describe their lives and eventually challenged them to find some good ones. They were actually able to do that!

Yet their emphasis was on the negatives! And they wondered why those negatives continued to be true. I knew why—the Law of Attraction picked up those thoughts.

Often when something is annoying we give it more power than necessary. Actually, it’s best not to give negatives any power. But of course it’s human nature to magnify the annoyances. You have a bad day and it becomes a bad week, then you reinforce it and it continues. Then it transfers to your whole life. I’ve talked about individual things we do that affects how the Law of Attraction works for our highest or lowest good.

But it’s also important to be aware of how our overall attitude toward life creates the tone we live by.

Your view of your life is YOUR choice! You can choose to find the good in things that don’t go well or choose to feel bad about what you don’t like and bring it into the bigger picture of you life. That taints your perception in a bigger way than necessary and attracts more of the negatives that you equate with your life. Why integrate a bad experience as part of your life when you can leave it in the past?

You can also look for the good in a situation to balance what you didn’t like.

Sounds tough? Which do you prefer? Feeling good or being brought down by negatives? Your choice is that simple. Just yesterday I returned from an afternoon of writing in a café and saw fire engines heading down my block in midtown Manhattan. As they approached my apartment building I muttered, “keep going.” But they stopped and dozens of firemen ran into my building with full gear and hoses.

My building was on fire! An electrical panel for our elevator at the top floor ignited and was shooting flames and smoke.

It was scary. Why my building?? The elevators were shut down but I was allowed to walk to my apartment—on the 10th floor! I don’t normally walk up, especially when carrying my laptop. But I did and it was actually not too bad. I’m in better shape than ever now so I didn’t have to stop much to catch my breath. When I got in and spoke to a friend, she began to say how terrible it was that my building had a fire. Did I want to feel terrible? NOPE!! I thought about it and found the blessings. The fire department came fast so the fire wouldn’t do too much damage. Bless our doorman for quickly noticing the light off on that elevator and going upstairs to see why, which got the firemen there fast.

So I focused on the blessings. My big one is that I’ve improved my physical fitness a lot and can now walk the 10 flights up without much effort! I love knowing that but wouldn’t had it not been for the fire! ☺

After that, when I told someone about the fire, my perception was that a fire in my building helped me to see what great shape I’m in, so I’m OK about it! I could have gone to “why me?” or thought about what could have happened without the doorman’s quick thinking. Had he not gone up fast, the fire would have spread down the shaft of the elevator and it could have been a tragedy. But it wasn’t and I won’t go there. My life is good and I choose to keep it that way by watching how I view it.

Here’s an exercise. At the top of a paper or document in your computer, write “My life is:” Think about words that describe your life. Be honest! Write down everything you think of. What comes to mind first? Are there any negatives? How can you find the blessings and make them more positive? If you think your life sucks, it will continue to. If you accept that stuff happens but overall your life is a blessing, you’ll continue to be blessed like I am.

Make your perception of the overall picture of your life a positive one and enjoy a positive life, despite the glitches! Then the Law of Attraction will bless you with more positive adjective for your life.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Friday, March 20, 2009

I Disagree, So Now I’m Fat???

I’ve noticed a pattern in women that I don’t like. Okay, some men do this too, but it’s mainly women. I hear one get angry with someone and instead of addressing the issue, or challenging their point of view, they regress to schoolgirl tactics and call them names. Usually it’s an attack on some aspects of their looks. It’s a fact:

For most women, a big Achilles heel is our looks, especially our bodies.

Meghan McCain, daughter of senator John McCain, recently launched a political discussion that Laura Ingraham disagreed with and her jab was to comment on her plus size. I heard Meghan ask with frustration why people are so obsessed with our weight and said that no woman should be criticizing another woman’s weight. I totally agree! she discussed it on her blog on The Daily Beast. People need to get off of these nasty attacks on those of us who aren’t perfect.

Who is perfect? NOBODY!

And what does my body have to do with my politics? Yes, I get it too! Earlier in the week someone blogged about the music industry in relation to my new Start & Run Your Own Record Label book. It was a civilized discussion, until someone who disagreed with a quote from the book launched an attack on me in the comments. This was a discussion about the music industry, yet part of her diatribe about why I wasn’t qualified to write the book had comments on my looks, including saying I had large breasts, like there's something wrong with that.

What on earth do my breasts have to do with my ability to write a book???

This person is bitter. No idea why. It was all so irrational. But while other women who'd been attacked like that might have been very hurt reading it, I just laughed at the absurdity. I don’t know if it was a man or woman but assume it was a woman. I can’t believe that a guy discussing the music industry would pick on my breasts. Maybe lust after them. ☺ But not refer to them in the context of my not being qualified. It’s irrational but not uncommon.

Men get picked on for what they say, women get jabs about their appearance. And people wonder why so many of us are people pleasers. I pleased everyone for so many years to compensate for the fact that I wasn’t perfectly thin. The jabs got to me back then. Any fat comments hurt like heck! I’d wince and then I’d try harder to please. Living in DoorMatville was more about avoiding than living.

Now I don’t let those comments get to me. Instead, I think the person can’t find anything really wrong so she picks on my body.

Well I have news for the blog jabber. I love my breasts, and the rest of my body. I appreciate knowing that you had to sink low to find something to say about me to vent your negativity. My intelligence and skills couldn’t motivate something specific to put down, since I know I’m good and my book is excellent. So you pick on my breasts, which happen to be very nice.

There are a lot of angry and frustrated people in the world who lash out to hurt others when they’re hurting. Like the Dalai Lama, I have compassion for them as they must be hurting themselves. If someone does that to you, know it comes form a place of unhappiness and let it go. No one can make me feel fat or unattractive but me. You can blame others, but it’s YOU who buys into what they say.

No more I say! I had enough of that as a DoorMat. When you’re happy, you can cut others slack as they try to be nasty in an attempt to soothe themselves. My lovely breasts and I are content. Those words can’t hurt me and the girls. Don’t let words hurt you. Choose your own positive perception. It makes life a lot sweeter!

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Law of Attraction in Action: Worrying

This is post 30 in my series on the Law of Attraction. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Most of us worry sometimes. It’s almost a knee-jerk reaction when things don’t go well or there’s something you really want but aren’t sure of. But it’s definitely a habit that’s worth breaking. I used to worry about everything. Am I good enough today? Will he call? Can I support myself? What if I’m really sick? Will she come through surgery OK? Worrying is usually based on projection about the worst case scenario that can happen. People often make themselves ill from worry, which brings more reasons to worry.

The Law of Attraction reads worry as a lack of faith and a belief that the thing you’re worrying about will come true. So you attract what you worry about!

When your thoughts linger on what you worry about, you reinforce that lack of faith. It becomes a vicious cycle. You worry, the Universe hears the thoughts, and brings you what you worry about or intensifies your worries. So you worry more and it continues to bring you negative feelings or results. Why hurt yourself like that?! Most of what we worry about is unnecessary.

The more you tell the Law of Attraction that you don’t have faith in a good outcome, you more you get a bad one.

Are you concerned about things that may happen in the future? Do you waste time worrying over things that don’t happen? Worry is fear in action. You’re scared, dwell on it and can’t move. You want to make that call but worry that you won’t sound right. The antidote to worrying is to stay living in right NOW. The future will come soon enough but right now those problems you see potential for don’t exist.”

Worrying creates doubt that chisels at your faith. It’s hard to feel supported spiritually when you’re expecting bad things to happen.

I used to worry about everything that wasn’t right in front of me. Anything that hadn’t happened yet had a potential for problems. Now I understand that I got problems by worrying so much. As my faith got stronger, so did my awareness of how worrying sent the wrong message. The stronger my faith became, the less I worried. The less I worried, the more things worked out for my highest good. The synergy is fantastic!

When you’re worried about something, reassure yourself by saying, “Everything will work out fine. Whatever is meant to be will be.” It really does when you control the urge to worry!

I look back when things don’t go my way to find a reason. There always is one. Sometimes it can take some time to find it. But if you expect to, and watch for it, the reason will appear. This takes patience and faith. I was a skeptic when I first read about this. But the more I found the reasons for why things I wanted didn't go my way, the more I knew that something better for my highest good would come. When you look for them, the reasons become apparent. That increases my faith and helps me to curb worrying. I don’t need to worry! I just need to find reasons!

An unknown author said, “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well.”

When I’m worried and push through the doubts, I look back from the other side of what worried me. That helps me to see that my worry was unfounded. I reassure myself instead of fueling the fears that worrying creates.

Life happens. Worrying doesn’t change things for the better but it can make life worse when it keeps you from doing things and weakens your faith. Use affirmations to overcome those worried thoughts. It’s hard to think two different things at the same time. Say whatever feels right to you, over and over until you drown the thought that feeds worrying. Overcome concerns with positive thoughts and let life happen to the best of your ability!

Each time I feel worry coming on, I consciously release the situation into God’s hands. It always works out.

Releasing your concerns to God can be scary since you let go of control. And I like feeling in control now! But, the truth is, trusting God enough to let Him handle your situation is the ultimate of taking control. It’s guiding your faith in a positive direction and allowing the Law of Attraction to do its work. Having faith is the best kind of control over your life and attracts less to worry about! Now I tell the Universe to bring it on, since I know I'll be fine, instead of looking for negative possibilities.

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Friday, March 13, 2009

The Recovering DoorMat Celebrates 2 New Books!

NICE GIRLS CAN FINISH FIRST is out! It’s a book. MY book!
Good progress is usually slow. I advocate taking baby steps in order to have the best chance to succeed at what you want or to break old habits. One of the downsides of baby stepping is that the bits of progress can be minimal each day so it’s not obvious. Someone you see every day, like yourself, ☺ might not notice that you’re losing a half pound a week on your diet since each bit you lose doesn’t make a discernible difference in your body.

But someone who hasn’t seen you in 4 months will see the results of losing 8 pounds while you still wonder why your clothes feel loser since you didn’t notice a weight loss.

It’s important to be conscious, and grateful, for all the small steps we take. But of course we often don’t. While I’m probably more conscious than most, things get by me. I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve barely had time to breathe. I’m writing 2 new books as my latest titles are released. So much on my plate made me eat without tasting. That’s why Tuesday night—my double book release party—was so special, and eye-opening to me. It was at Bamboo 52, a fabulous sushi lounge on West 52nd Street in NYC. My guests indulged in their yummy sushi, washed down with sake and champagne in the friendly atmosphere the staff creates. They LOVED it! I'm so grateful that I was able to have my party there! That's me above with super chick, Zanade Mann at my party!

After over an hour of greeting the crowds of people that attended, everything felt surreal. It was hard to process they were there for ME! Then I stood up to address the crowd. I was on a padded bench looking out over the sea of people and it hit me—they WERE there for ME!! There were family, friends, colleagues and fans. Pamela and Xavier Davis actually flew in from Minneapolis. Another fan called to apologize that she was sick and had to cancel in from Detroit. For me! ☺

As I prepared to speak, I thought about where I started—the sad DoorMat, bored and hating herself. Tonight was different! I loved how I looked in my black ruffled dress and felt good. I felt liked and appreciated. When I lived in DoorMatville I thought I had to please people to be liked but I knew I wasn’t liked. I just wanted to not be alone so I did my best to please everyone, everyone but ME! I thought is was worth the price of having people around.

But I learned that you can be lonely in a crowd if you don’t think people like you for you and are just there for the favors.

Tuesday night I was SO FAR from lonely. A big crowd of people were there to celebrate my accomplishments! I sort of was aware of the baby steps I’ve taken toward success. I get many fan letters every day. But as I immerse myself in work, my bits of success don’t always process. As I wrote my 2 new books simultaneously, I was excited. It meant a lot to me to be able to have them published. While they’re my ninth and tenth books, it doesn’t get old. But as I prepared to talk to the crowd on Tuesday, it hit me.

This DoorMat is living out her dreams! I have come full circle!

My music biz books have become some of the most popular in the world. My third edition of Start & Run Your Own Record Label (Billboard/Random House) is out! When I was the first white female rapper, and one of the first women to start a record label, I was teased and not taken seriously. My inner self-empowerment kicked in and I learned how handle myself in ways that earn respect and allow me to still be nice—what I call a Nice Girl on Top. I’ve been writing my other new book and preparing for it release but now I need to scream:

NICE GIRLS CAN FINISH FIRST is out! It’s a book. MY book!

It reflects my journey from being a DoorMat to becoming an empowered chick, with many techniques I’ve used for getting taken seriously without raising my voice or losing my kind nature. This book is my heart and soul! I LOVED writing and hope it helps many women find the kind of peace, freedom from anger and satisfaction that I have by using the tools in the book. A few men who’ve read it said it helped them too.

NICE GIRLS CAN FINISH FIRST is out! Okay, I'm excited. Pardon me for shouting it a few times! ☺And here’s some of the testimonials for the book:
Never underestimate the power of a woman - especially a nice one. This book is a must read for today's world where, thankfully, nice is finally getting the respect it deserves. Mean is so last millennium. Nice Girls Can Finish First offers brilliant tools and savvy advice for making 'nice' work for you in business and in life. Nice girls do finish first and this is their 'how-to' manual. ~~Linda Kaplan Thaler, CEO of The Kaplan Thaler Group and bestselling author of The Power of Nice

In Nice Girls Can Finish First, Daylle Deanna Schwartz proves that women who are basically good-hearted can still be taken seriously in both their business and personal lives. In fact, when used properly, kindness and consideration can go further than selfishness and bitchiness. Good lessons to learn and live by. Daylle proves that we don’t have to be a bitch to be taken seriously in the world: in business and in our personal lives. The more we read books like this, the more it will sink into our brains that have been programmed to please. ~~Nina Disesa, chairman of McCann Erickson New York and author of Seducing the Boys Club


Anybody can be a bitch. And effective as that might be in the short run, in the long run (and it is a long run) it'll bring you down. It takes a woman who's smart, strong and confident to assume the best from people and motivate them to deliver it. Daylle Schwartz shows you how to finish first - every time. ~~Gail Blanke, Author, Throw Out Fifty Things, Clear the Clutter Find Your Life, life coach and motivator

Daylle Deanna Schwartz provides many constructive techniques for being soft-spoken, friendly and considerate to others in ways that get satisfying results. This book is for women who are fundamentally nice, want to stay true to that and who also want to be taken seriously, earn respect and get their needs met. Terrie M. Williams, author of The Personal Touch: What You Really Need To Succeed in Today’s Fast-Paced Business World

How blessed am I????? Years ago I rarely heard a kind word about me. Now I have testimonials from these awesome women. So as I come down from the rush this week brought me, I’m vowing to make a bigger effort to pay attention to and appreciate the results of all my little steps as I have bits of progress. I want to taste more along the way. Tuesday night brought it all together. I had tears hearing everyone cheer for me. I cheered for me! ☺While women are encouraged to be modest, I will own all the accolades since I KNOW I deserve them! ☺ I’ve worked hard and know how many folks my books have helped.

NICE GIRLS CAN FINISH FIRST is out!

Okay, that's the last time I'll shout it. ☺ I’m SOOOO excited! I’m still a nice girl but now I’m on top of my world and get respect and satisfaction. Check out my book and you’ll learn lots of ways to take more satisfying control of your world. And, go celebrate yourself!

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Monday, March 9, 2009

Law of Attraction in Action: “I’m Fine!”

This is post 29 in my series on the Law of Attraction. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

It never fails. Every winter, I talk to someone, or a bunch of people, who are stuffed up or not feeling well. I go to give a hug and I’m warned to stay back or I may catch something. I always reassure them that I won’t and they act like I’m crazy. But I feel strongly that I’ll stay healthy, even hugging someone who’s sick, and I do. The Law of Attraction kindly responds as I stay healthy.

Some people maximize their perception of illness or injuries. I minimize health problems with my thoughts!

Some people are really good at suffering. If they catch a cold, they’ll say they’re sick with the flu. Little things become major injuries. I’m referring to the old making a mountain out of a molehill mentality. The automatic response to even a stuffed nose is, “I’m sick.” Thinking “I’m sick” makes you feel worse. And, it tells the Universe that you’re sick, so you continue to feel sick and will probably take longer than necessary to feel better.

When you minimize physical ailments, you reinforce being well.

I recently had a bad stuffed nose, sore throat and then laryngitis. Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling good and I sounded awful. But when anyone heard me and referred to me as being sick, I refuted it and said I was just under the weather. They looked at me like I was crazy. I sure sounded sick! But, I refused to use that word. The Law of Attraction picks up on what you say. If I said I was sick, I’d reinforce being sick. I had no fever. And I chose to believe that all my ailments were a result of the very cold weather we had. Into the heat, out into the cold, irritated my system. That’s all it was—under the weather.

I was in much better spirits being under the weather than I would have been being sick. Yet all I did was use different words!

Years ago, I remember hearing Louise Hay say that if you fall in a way that might have broken your leg, do not say, “I may have broken my leg.” Instead, immediately affirm that you’re fine--even if you feel awful or the potential consequences aren’t good. Affirming that you’re fine sends out an intention of being fine. I agree with her that doing this, with a strong intention in your attitude of being fine, will prevent illness or injury from going beyond an initial discomfort. And it’s much less likely that your leg will be broken!

You can choose to wallow in your physical ailments or get better faster and suffer less by keeping your perception from going down the negative path.

A few months ago I had a bad fall. It was dark in my apartment and I got up to use the bathroom. Since there was a house guest in my living room, I didn’t want to turn on any lights since it might have disturbed her. Coming back, I turned to close my door, which I don't normally do. Since I was half asleep, I got a little disoriented from turning, tripped over my slipper, and kind of fell. The fall itself wasn’t bad. I felt it coming and kind of sat down. But as I went down, my forehead slammed against a sharp point. It hurt.

I immediately told myself, “I’m fine.” Then I felt my head and it was wet in the spot I hit. It had to be blood. Worse, my finger went deep into that spot. A chunk was gone! I began to process that I’d had a bad bang on my head and got a little lightheaded as my guest, who’d heard the fall, came in. I repeated “I’m fine” as an affirmation to myself. She immediately ran to the phone to call 911. I looked pretty bad.

I yelled to stop and kept saying loudly, “I’m fine.” “I’m fine.” “I’m fine.”

She put the phone down but said my head was bleeding from a very deep cut and she insisted I should go to a doctor. I refused. We argued. By then I was fighting for my right to be fine. Truthfully, I was scared. This was new for me. My head hurt and the missing part was deep. But I kept saying “I’m fine” to block out thoughts of a more serious problem. I never did go to a doc. My wound is still healing but it’s much better and I really was fine.

You can CHOOSE to be fine or CHOOSE to magnify your problems. Referring to yourself as sick or badly hurt increases your suffering and makes what’s wrong much worse.

I still remember, laying on the cold floor in the dark, feeling my sticky forehead with the hole in it, and thinking, “I can choose to have a serious problem or choose to be fine.” I was scared. This seemed serious. But, I remembered that I always have God’s support, calmed down, and kept repeating, “I’m fine” until I believed it. Had I caved to the fear, I might have ended up in the hospital, had stitches, an MRI, and maybe my injury would have become more serious. But if I’m going to teach others to use the power of the Law of Attraction, I had to walk the walk. And I did!

Next time you have a physical ailment, find ways to express yourself in less negative terms. Tell yourself you’re fine, over and over until you’re feeling the vibe of being fine. It may not feel that way but as it puts out you’re fine into the Law of Attraction pipeline. It might take a day or two, or more, but putting it into the pipeline makes it happen a lot faster than giving in to your ailment. When it happened, I went on with my life instead of succumbing to a need to be laid up with a bad problem. There’s still an indentation in my forehead where I lost a chunk of it. I feel healing is still happening. But each day I’m finer than the one before.

Avert a lot of suffering and anxiety by reinforcing that you’re fine. As the Law of Attraction picks up on your intention, you will be!

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Thursday, March 5, 2009

Tips for Improving Your Networking

With the economy falling apart and people losing jobs left and right, there’s a book that addresses this in a lighthearted, non-depressing voice. No Job? No Prob! (Skyhorse Publishing, 2008) by Nicholas Nigro is an entertaining, yet very enlightening, book about how to handle not having a job. I’m delighted to have an excerpt from the book today. These are 20 great suggestions for doing successful networking, even if you do have a job!

Branching Out: Finding Friends in New Places
By Nicholas Nigro

1. Everybody Lives in a Community, Including You There’s no getting around the fact that you live in a community of individuals. So, right off the bat, you’ve got something in common with either a whole mess of people or, if you call home a rural hamlet, a somewhat smaller demographic. Whatever their exact census numbers, neighbors can assume significant roles in your growing network. Explore the chief concerns facing your community and attend any 290 local meetings that occur. Volunteer your time vis-à-vis community matters. If you require assistance in this networking terrain, you might just find MeetTheNeighbors.com helpful. This website brings neighbors together and empowers them with the tips, tools, and techniques to communicate, organize, and—of course—socialize.

2. The Jaycees The United States Junior Chamber of Commerce (Jaycees) at USJaycees.org is an organization that could very possibly augment your network of contacts. The only fly in the ointment is that this outfit is for young folks only. If you’re past the decrepit age of forty-one, you’ll have to look elsewhere for a networking boost. If you meet the age requirements, the Jaycees could definitely assist you in locating a job, career, or business startup. It’s a group that will, at the very least, facilitate meetings with new people, furnish potential job leads, and supply timely information on what’s happening in your community with regards to the business at hand.

3. YMCA and YWCA These two organizations—one for men, YMCA.net, and one for women, YWCA.org—are, above all else, committed to enhancing youngsters’ lives, building stronger families, and improving communities by encouraging volunteerism. Many neighborhoods throughout the country are fortunate enough to have YMCA and YWCA centers— with their trademark fitness programs (including swimming pools)— on their terra firma. In the big picture, YMCA and YWCA outfits are essentially places to lend a helping hand while meeting fellow helpers and helpees.

4. Alumni Associations If you are a graduate from a college or university, you are an alumnus. There is also an alumni association waiting with open arms for you and, yes, a pecuniary contribution of some sort. Alumni groups regularly organize social events and encourage networking. They publish newsletters which detail the adventures of their membership. Don’t forget, too, that high schools also have alumni associations. Fear not descending the ladder a few rungs. You’re all adults now. In addition, if you were a member of a fraternity or sorority in your college days, these esteemed outfits haven’t forgotten you. Once you’re an accepted pledge, you’re a pledge for life. It’s sort of like a tattoo. So, by
all means, take advantage of this permanent brand in your networking odyssey.

5. Digg This The website Digg.com proclaims that it is all about “Sharing and Discovery.” It is a cyber spot for news, videos, images, and podcasts that are submitted entirely by the Digg community, which consists of humble sorts just like you. Get yourself out there any way you can. That’s how networks become NETWORKS.

6. One Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words If you’ve got photographs that you want accessible to your current network—family, friends, and others—in one fell swoop, showcase them on Flickr.com. This website portal decrees, “Share Your Photos, Watch the World.” In other words, there are a lot of folks who are members of Flickr, and some of them just might be interested in your images. Remember the old saying: Seeing is believing.

7. Share and Share Alike Since we’re on the subject of networking beyond the traditional comfort zone, you might consider joining an online community with a mission to bring people together with shared interests. In fact, it’s a community that facilitates business connections and romantic connections, too. And, by the way, there are no laws that prohibit seeking both at the same time. So, check out Orkut.com and bolster your network with, for starters, virtual contact and then—who knows?—physical contact.

8. Political Activism No matter where you land on the political spectrum, there are opportunities for networking therein. Conservative, liberal, Republican, Democrat—it doesn’t matter. You could join a local political party organization. You could also get involved with issue-oriented groups, be they supporting abortion rights or gun rights or anything in between. In other words, translate your political leanings into network building. For assistance in this fertile area, visit SpeakOut.com, which is a website chock full of information on both the issues of the day and the pathways to activism. In fact, the site features copious links to advocacy groups that run the entire left-to-right gamut.

9. Save the Planet There are an awful lot of people all across the world who prefer not to swim in waste waters and breathe Los Angeles–style smog. If environmental issues mean something to you, there are environmental groups aplenty that would be as pleased as punch to welcome you as a member. Check out ActionNetwork.org, which will furnish you with the names and websites of the leading environmental advocacy organizations. There are excellent networking possibilities here, as there are in just about all outfits dedicated to a cause.

10. Rotary Clubs The motto of Rotary International is “Service Above Self.” And you’ve probably spotted local Rotary Club signs along many highways and byways in your travels. Did you ever wonder what on earth a Rotary Club is, and who its members are? Well, Rotary International is the world’s pioneering service club. Its individual chapters consist of volunteers. Visit Rotary.org for further information on Rotary Clubs and what they do. Many Rotarians are well-connected members of their respective communities, which should be of interest to you.

11. Business Networking If you want to sample a networking outfit that is specifically dedicated to business, look no further than Ryze.com. Members can erect network-oriented homepages to attract quality business contacts.

12. You Can Never Have Too Many of Them True friends are rare and hard to come by. So, it behooves you to perpetually be chumming for buddies. FriendFinder.com allows you to run personal ads for whatever your heart desires, including a good time and a little loving.

13. Blog Away It’s the twenty-first century. So, if you want to build your network by reaching out to new folks, a blog of your own could be just what the doctor ordered. But it’s not going to do you any good to blog away, and blog away some more, and—in the end—reach the virtual audience equivalent of a black hole. To extend your network, why not seek to fashion your own blog network, if you will? For a better understanding how this voluble cyber bailiwick functions, call on HomeTurfMedia.com and 9Rules.com. Reach as many people as you can with your blogging insight. It’s a network builder for sure.

14. The Right Links At LinkedIn.com, you will encounter a website business with the mission to strengthen and build your existing network. And since that’s precisely what this entire section is all about, why not have a look-see?

15. Best Friends on Four Legs The pet care industry is growing in leaps and bounds because of the incredible bond that people feel for their companion animals. Pets are now unmistakable members of the family and we are “pet parents.” This sociological phenomenon has introduced a variety of networking possibilities. In other words, employ your love of animals to meet fellow animal lovers. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Join a club devoted to your specific breed of cat or dog. Gather and frolic with fellow canine parents and their canines at park runs. Join organizations, such as the Humane Society of the United States at HSUS.org.

16. Make Networking Your Hobby Whatever you call your hobbies or special interests, there are like-minded folks out there who share them. These are prime possibilities for your budding network. Many hobbies have clubs and societies for their devotees’ benefit. Attend events and shows in your hobby field. Talk and trade with your fellow hobbyists.

17. Convert Your Talents Into a Network Whether you have a knack for crafting or painting; whether you can fix cars or computers; whether you can tickle the ivories on a piano or strum the strings on a guitar, there are networking opportunities amidst one and all of these special talents and countless others, too. Just place yourself on life’s big stage, even if it’s in your little sliver of the world. Let people see and experience your extraordinary genius. Artistic? You could attend arts and crafts shows and sell your creations. Handy? You could volunteer your services as Mr. Fix It at a senior citizen center and elsewhere. A musical talent? Play the piano at a local watering hole or a church function.

18. Network Channeling In a previous chapter, we noted that posting videos on YouTube.com was an interesting avenue to travel down for a whole host of reasons. And you don’t have to post home videos of yourself and your friends pulling people’s pants down or anything like that. You can post less personal productions, such as clips from television programs or movies. Once you put videos up for the entire world to see, people slowly but surely visit your channel, as it’s called, and could eventually become your subscribers and friends. As you can appreciate, there are potential networking tentacles in all of this.

19. Start a Group This is the Information Age. Hence, you have opportunities galore to initiate cyber groups. In fact, you could host your own group today on Groups.Yahoo.com or Groups.MSN.com. There are discussion groups devoted to every imaginable subject and interest. Why not establish a group dedicated to the travails of unemployment, inviting members to share ideas on how to best weather the storm, as well as their personal experiences? You’d be surprised how many people would sign on to your group, and some of these folks could become integral parts of your growing network.

20. Instant Networking We would be remiss if we did not reiterate the names of the two most popular social networking websites on the Internet: MySpace.com and Facebook.com. These two cyber portals are rooted in meeting people with common interests. They enable their members both to promote themselves and to connect with the wider world.

Check out No Job? No Prob! (Skyhorse Publishing, 2008) by Nicholas Nigro. It's a great read and a great resource!

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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Oh No, She Didn’t! But She Did

Last night I caught part of The Bachelor. There was so much hype about the ending that I was curious. Jason, the bachelor, who lost when he was one of the final two on The Bachelorette, had to choose between 2 lovely women. He knew what it was like to be one of 2 candidates hoping to win the heart. Yet he learned nothing and was so selfish in his decisions. From the snippets I’ve seen, Jason has been like a pig at a chick smorgasbord. He kissed (and probably a lot more in private) as many women as he could get his lips on.

Joy Behar sprayed his lips with Purell before she kissed him on the View! ☺ He did get around.

So after being rejected by Deanna, all of a sudden Jason was ‘the man.” Women begged for his attention and he gave it in exchange for physical contact. I never watched full shows yet I saw a lot of making out and fondling. And, he spent the night with several. My thought throughout was “What self-respecting woman would want to be with a guy who jumped into intimacy with woman after woman?" The “winner” got to see it all on TV after.

When a woman gets intimate with a few guys she’s labeled a slut and scorned, which is totally unfair! Yet Jason was treated like a king by women who knew about his chick jumping.

I hate this double standard but more importantly, I hate seeing all these women—gorgeous, fit, and otherwise bright —throwing themselves at this guy, begging for crumbs, and fighting for his attention, and love. DON’T THEY GET IT YET THAT YOU CAN’T WIN LOVE ON A TV SHOW! Yes, Trista and Ryan are still married and have a baby. But that one possible success out of a boatload of failures doesn’t compensate. Nor do we know if they’re really happy.

Meanwhile, many women watch this show and seeing these attractive women set a poor example of how desperate women can be.

At the end of the show, Jason dumped Molly, explaining that he’d fallen in love with Melissa. Molly left hurt and angry. She warned Jason that he’d made a big mistake. Jason said he knew better and was very much in love with Melissa. After only 6 weeks and 25 women, Jason couldn’t have fallen in love. People jump into relationships so fast that they don’t let the sexual chemistry settle before declaring their love. And what made this situation go from bad to sickening is that Jason, who expressed so much love for his son Ty, brought him into this scenario.

“Here’s your new mom Ty!” But as Ty bonded with Melissa, Jason changed his mind. On the after show, he explained that his feelings were different for Melissa since the show ended.

He acted forlorn as he matter of factly said that now he realized he should have picked Molly. Hey, you can send a dish back in a restaurant! Why not trade one desperate woman for another. He tried to act all sweet but there was an arrogance in his decision to end it with Melissa and order a Molly meal. Jason was confused about why it felt different now with Melissa. Hello!

Jason, you jumped into it without knowing each other and now that you do, don’t like what you know! Relationships take LOTS of time to develop.

Needless to say, Melissa wasn’t happy. But does out boy Jason learn? NOPE! He then declared his love to Molly. She looked at him like he was crazy when he asked if he could start seeing her and go slow this time. Okay, maybe he has learned a teensy bit. She kept giving him an “I know you didn’t!” look as he professed his feelings. Here I was thinking that she’d give Jason his comeuppance. Say no. Tell him he’s nuts.

Or “How dare you expect me to jump in again when you explicitly said you loved someone else when you dumped me.”

But she made me ill when she smiled and hugged him. And kissed him, expressing how relieved she was to have him back. Double YUCK! Does she have no self-respect? He dumped her, told her he loved someone else. But now that it's over with Melissa, he wants to try Molly next.

I wrote the book All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise. One thing I ask women is “Who really is the jerk?” when they allow men to get away with stupid behavior. Molly barely gave Jason a hard time. She welcomed his slutty mouth back. So he made out with a lot of women, probably slept with a bunch too, and chose someone else over her. He wanted her back and that was all she needed. No apologies.

Jason smiled sheepishly and Molly caved. So again I ask, “Who’s the jerk?”

I truly hope the day comes when more women wake up and get smarter about how they expect men to treat them. And, that they don’t make men more important than having self-respect. And they don’t sacrifice their happiness to feel what they consider complete. We all deserve to be loved with respect and treated well. Men aren’t jerks. Women just teach them that it’s okay to have bad behavior because they’ll always be forgiven.

I’ve never been happier since I completed myself. Molly needs to learn that settling for a guy like Jason will break her heart down the road. He falls in and out of love like some folks do their laundry. Grrrr… I hate to think about all the women watching this show and thinking it’s okay to take a guy back who behaves poorly.

When you reach a place of contentment like I have, and self-love like I have, you’re much less likely to tolerate disrespectful behavior. I know what I deserve and won't settle for less!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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