Tips, Tools and Perspective for Being More Empowered

Welcome to my self-empowerment blog--as seen in The Huffington Post Guide to Blogging! I used to be a wimp and never got taken seriously. When I became one of the first chicks to start a record label, I learned to navigate the male dominated music industry and earned respect, without raising my voice or getting overtly tough. I transferred those skills into all areas of life and now get what I want from most people. I'll share those lessons here by talking about my observations of situations and habits that hold both men and women back from being as empowered as possible. I'll also give tips for more effective communication, handling yourself with more confidence, and in general, how to come across as more serious--whether it's at work, dealing with an annoying phone company, your mother, a romantic partner and anyone else you want to feel more in control with. Everybody can use more tools for taking control of their lives, like in my latest book, Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill). Please subscribe if you'd like more!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Law of Attraction in Action: Forgiving YOURSELF

This is post 42 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Last week in this Law of Attraction in Action series I discussed forgiving others. Something that I consider even more important is learning to forgive yourself. We often don’t consider ourselves in the same category as forgiving others. If I’ve learned any special lessons from being a recovering DoorMat it’s that I’m THE most important person in MY life just as YOU should be the most important person in YOUR life. Therefore, you must cut yourself at least the same amount of slack that you give to others, if not more!

Every time you beat yourself up for making a mistake or being imperfect, the Law of Attraction can read that as being unkind to you. And unloving.

Guess what that attracts?

Do you talk nicely to yourself, like "Way to go!" or "I look great today." Or is your inner dialogue more commonly, “I'm an idiot for that." or "My stomach is flabby." You know it's wrong to hurt someone you care about. Apply that to self! Treat you as you would friends – use kind words and accept imperfections. If a friend goofs, would you bash her? If your buddy lost his girlfriend, would you encourage self-criticism? I doubt it.

We reassure those we care about. Self-love means cutting yourself slack too! Don’t tell the Universe that you’re not worthy of the love behind self-forgiveness!

We often don’t realize what we do to ourselves. When I was a DoorMat and my friend trashed herself, I challenged how she could call herself a big idiot when she was such a bright person and normally did things well. She pointed out that I did the same thing. I insisted it was different! She laughed and said that’s how she felt about herself. It got me thinking. When I put myself down, I feel worse. Now I understand that I attracted those feelings and reasons to feel them by being unforgiving to me. I’ve made a conscious effort to tell myself it’s okay to make mistakes.

If you goof up, affirm, “I forgive me for being human”

Do you talk to friends like you talk to yourself?
• "I'm a dummy for saying that."
• "How stupid can I get!"

Next time you goof, think about what you’d say if a good friend did the same thing. Would you chastise or reassure? Come on, you know if a friend breaks something, messes up his car, or says the wrong thing, you’d try to make them feel better, not name call. Yet we use harsh words on ourselves. When a friend's luck turns sour, you remind them that some things aren’t in their control and not everything is their fault. If others speak ill of this person you defend them.

Now think of yourself as this person, your own best friend. And when you don’t live up to your own expectations, forgive yourself and move on.

I used awful words when I made “bonehead” moves, as I called them. ☺ Then it hit me. I was trying to love myself yet I didn’t speak lovingly. That led to one of my best new habits. “Silly me!” The word silly is kinder. I’ve made a habit of replacing bad words with silly. I’m no longer retarded or a dummy. I’m silly when I klutz out and silly when I break something. It took time to break habits of insulting myself when I goofed (another kinder word) and get into the habit of using the word silly, but it had a profound affect.

I’d say a derogatory word but immediately replace it with silly. “That was stupid, no silly.” I still smile when I use it. It’s instant self-forgiveness!

No matter what I do wrong, I call myself silly and smile. This habit is VERY loving! It releases me from the anguish of berating myself and forgives me all at once. The more you love yourself, the less self-insults you’ll tolerate. The more you forgive your glitches, the more you’ll attract love. Pay attention to your reaction when you goof. Adopt a habit of instant forgiveness with kinder responses to what you did. Calling yourself an idiot for saying the wrong thing to your boss, being a klutz for spilling ketchup, a fool to believe someone you trusted, stupid for forgetting something, lowers self-confidence, diminishes self-love, and plain old isn’t nice.

Do it only if you want to attract more self-esteem busters.


Mistakes can be seen as personal boners—or lessons. Self-recrimination wastes energy. Forgiving and moving is loving. When you goof, do what you can to rectify mistakes and move on. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, even very smart people. Reassure yourself—say it’s okay! Every time I call myself silly or say, "oops, it's okay," instead of calling myself a name or getting angry, I smile and know I’m forgiven. I was my own worst self-esteem enemy when I was a DoorMat, beating myself up and reliving mistakes and my shortcomings. Now I truly am my best friend, cheering myself on while forgiving my errors.

When you can forgive yourself, it’s easier to forgive others. Love yourself enough to give YOU that kindness of forgiving. Without my own jabs, my self-esteem has never been stronger! And the Law of Attraction returns it all to me multiplied!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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3 comments:

Becky said...

Yes, I do tend to leave myself out of the forgiveness mentality. Ive been trying to let go of anger by forgiving others but wondered why I was still feeling angry. It's because I was still angry at myself, for letting people do things to me! I'm gonna try harder to forgive me for that. Thanks for putting it into good perspective Daylle!

Daylle Deanna Schwartz said...

Good for you Becky! Glad you recognized it now instead of later.

Scott Legaerno said...

Forgiving self. This is a foreign concept to me. I'm my own worst critic. Gotta work on this!