Interview with Brian Klemmer

For my Embracing SUCCESS interview series, today I have Brian Klemmer. His latest book is The Compassionate Samurai: Being Extraordinary in an Ordinary World (Hay House, 2008). I was delighted to read a book that encourages a mindset so close to what I believe. The business world is known for being cutthroat at times. Business people become aggressive in their pursuit of success. But it doesn’t have to be that way! There is great SUCCESS in being a good person. And when you follow Klemmer's advice, that personal SUCCESS leads to accomplishment in business.

The Compassionate Samurai has brilliant suggestions for keeping your integrity in ways that can help you win. Like my upcoming Nice Girls Can Finish First book does for women’s life skills, Klemmer gives business practices a makeover to provide constructive alternatives for getting ahead in an ethical way. I had lots of questions for him that he kindly answered for you to learn from.

How would I define a Compassionate Samurai? “A compassionate samurai is a huge result producer whose life is about contribution. Most people tend to be either nice people who do not produce large results OR large result producers who are greedy self centered and even non ethical. At Klemmer & Associates we train people to be Compassionate Samurai.”

What made me write the Compassionate Samurai? “The world is in trouble. Especially our country. It doesn’t take a genius to see that although it does take a great deal of courage to admit it and do something about it. The key to solving the problems are character issues. That is so with an individual, a company or a country. The book, and Klemmer & Associates Leadership Seminars Inc. is dedicated to creating bold ethical leaders committed to a world that works for everyone with no one left out.”

How important is it to maintain a balance between having compassionate values and working hard to do what you can to pursue career goals? “Balance is a key to a lot of things including power and happiness. What the book is about is that compassionate values are not contradictory to material success, but actually complimentary and supportive. Contribution focus is not just a high moral principled thing to do it makes the most business success financially. A mediocre owner pays their employees just enough to keep from quitting. They do that thinking that maximizes profit. A mediocre employee works just hard enough to keep from getting fired thinking that maximizes their personal interest. Abundantly successful owners contribute to their employees by paying more than normal, by giving recognition, by listening to their viewpoints, by paying for opportunities to grow. In return they maximize profits. They have long term employees who take responsibility for the business reducing their work load who are exceptionally creative at solving problems. Same goes for contribution focused employees. They get promoted or fired. Sometimes fired because they are very threatening to mediocre managers. But either way they make more money.”

There are 10 codes in the book-that a compassionate samurai lives by. Why are they more important than business skills for getting ahead in business and life? “Skills produce incremental success and achievement. There is nothing wrong with that. Character changes however, produce both exponential increase and it is long lasting. Klemmer & Associates can create a bigger change in the bottom line in a shorter period of time in any company with character changes in honesty, trust, contribution, boldness, responsibility, honor, than anyone can with any skill set. Plus you can teach a skill set and people still won’t necessarily do it! My first book was titled, “If How To’s were enough we would all be skinny rich and happy”. People know how to lose weight, save money, be honest or respect others. It is character issues that prevent them from doing what they know to do.”

Why do I think so many people ignore many or all of the codes I discuss in the book in their pursuit of success? “Because it takes hard work and one character issue is that people want something for nothing. So they don’t want to invest money on a seminar to help solve the problem. They don’t want to take the time to do it. They want to do one seminar or talk to one person ONCE and have learned it. To make a samurai sword they take two metals, heat, fold, and beat them 80,000 times to produce the incredible sharpness, hardness, and yet flexibility they are known for. It is the same in becoming a leader. I think also that people are afraid as they start looking at themselves what they might find that they don’t like. That’s ironic because in my experience whatever they discover they don’t like is usually covering up something incredibly beautiful they currently can’t see.”

How can someone best face a challenge that creates a lot of fear? “First of all decide whether they really want what is beyond the challenge. Fear is not good or bad. It is simply an indicator that you are about to act outside your comfort zone. Sometimes that is dangerous and harmful and sometimes not. So there is a risk reward ratio that assists us in making that decision and in having the courage if the decision is to proceed. In other words you cannot make a valid decision on knowing only one side of that formula risk and reward. A $100,000 is not expensive or cheap until you know what value you are getting and what are your odds in getting the value. The problem becomes in that many rewards and risks are hidden. To the average person who is afraid of leaving their job they often have never experienced a higher paying, more fulfilling work and have no idea what all the rewards are to include things like being a great role model for your children so they have belief they can do what they want. Nor do they see or are willing to see all the risks in staying with their current job such as in ten years being a dead walking zombie with no passion in life. If the reward is high enough in ratio to the risk you will overcome any fear.”

How would I define success? “I have my own definition, but that is very different than the majority of people’s definition. You ask most people today what is success and their answer revolves around accumulation, acquisition, and consumption. I am not against those things, but I believe success centers around contribution. I would define success as being in alignment and fulfillment of your unique God given purpose. When people explore their unique purpose it somehow someway always deals with making a difference or contribution. In the process of achieving that we invariably accumulate things, but it is not the focus.”

Why do I think people believe that nice guys finish last? “Average people are myopic. They only think short term. How do I feel today. How much money am I making right now. Often times the not nice approach produces immediate results, but it does not last over the long haul. I have talked to young males and they have flat out told me, treat women a little mean and they stay with you. Be nice and they leave you. In the short term that is often unfortunately true. However in the long term it will not produce a great 20 year marriage. You can exploit someone in business whether it is a worker or a client and make more immediate cash. In the long term however it will be harder to keep employees or clients and to make as much money. Look at our environment. We do many things because we are myopic. We need to educate people on the value of thinking long term. Sustainability of a business or marriage is as important a part of your definition of success as is immediate quantity of results.”

How can nice guys give themselves the best chance to finish first? “By reading the book, taking our seminars and applying these ten character traits. We are result freaks. We like finishing at the top. In our corporate work it is often structured so that we don’t get paid unless we produce agreed upon results so we know these ten traits work. We are the only company that for people in the direct sales industry measures the participants increased income and recruitment and we publish it by company on our web site so we look foolish if we don’t produce.”

What is my best advice to someone who says, “My goal is to be successful”? “Clearly define it. Most people are vague in order to avoid failure, but ironically that produces failure. Then ask yourself whether that “success” resonates on three levels: your mind, your heart, and your spirit. It is a great way to make any decision. Does it make sense? Does it feel right in my heart? Does it resonate spiritually with you? Once you get a yes on all counts go for it full tilt. True happiness is knowing you are where you are supposed to be. It is being in alignment with your purpose.”

Brain Klemmer has studied leadership since being at the United States Military Academy (1968-1972). Known for his humorous and practical style of communicating, Klemmer is one of today’s most in demand speakers. His character development and leadership seminar company, Klemmer & Associates Leadership Seminars Inc., has conducted its works for more than 100,000 people around the world for over 20 years. His clients include well-known corporations such as Aetna Life Insurance, American Suzuki Corporation, General Electric, Walt Disney Attractions, and many more. Check out The Compassionate Samurai (Hay House, 2008). It's a wonderful resource for achieving a very positive SUCCESS.

Remember the Good, Part 2

I heard from many readers when I posted Remember the Good recently. It made me think more about how easy it is to take the past into the present with us. It’s a lot harder to leave it where it belongs—behind you! But you can. Whether you like it or not, always keep in mind that it's YOUR choice to hold onto old memories and pain and let it affect your mood, decisions, confidence and ability to function as well as you could. It’s also YOUR choice to live in right NOW.

Awareness is the first step that brings your life and happiness into right now. I lived in the past way until years after I took the train out of DoorMatville. Before that, I didn’t realize how much I let the past affect me today. Looking back, I see consequences of not living for NOW that are common in many people, such as:

* People Pleasing: Growing up insecure makes you more likely to jump at doing favors and it’s hard to turn folks down, even when you greatly want to. Then you feel lousy like I did when people take you for granted or never support you. It also makes you tolerate unacceptable behavior, albeit unhappily, because you have a need to be liked.

* Paranoia: Insecurity makes you take blame for things you aren’t responsible for and wonder what you did wrong whenever someone doesn’t call on time or can’t see you. That was a big one to get over for me. Not feeling good enough makes you worry in a variety of situations that people don’t like you or that you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t.

* Fear: If something reminds you of a past incident or person that hurt you, you may get scared it will repeat itself. That’s a big reason why people sabotage a good romantic relationship. If you’ve been burned by love, you go into self-protective mode. It can escalate and make you misinterpret harmless words or behavior. Anything that brings up unpleasant memories can trigger you to respond inappropriately now. Fear also keeps you from quitting the job you hate, taking risks, and many other things that could enhance your life if you weren’t afraid.

* Limitations: In the last post I talked about how my kindergarten teacher made fun of my artwork, which made me think I couldn’t do art for over twenty years. You may have had a bad experience fixing something or screwed up a job interview—once—and feel in incapable of being successful at it. So you don’t bother to try.

* Poor body image: When you grow up thinking you’re too fat, thin, short, etc., that mentality can stay with you. Even if your body changes, it’s hard to feel good about it if you’ve felt like it wasn’t good enough for years. I’ve worked hard to let go of the cellulite blindness I had growing up. It made me unable to appreciate how hot and sexy I really am because all I saw was my cellulite, which most women, even slim ones, have.

* Bad habits: Incidents from the past can give you habits used to protect yourself or as rebellion against things you were made to do as a child. You may have lied to defy your parents and now still lie to people you care about to avoid trouble. You may have smoked or drank too much to calm earlier stress and now can’t stop. Bad habits can be broken if you focus on just NOW!

* Keeping your guard up: If you’ve been burned by someone you loved deeply and let your guard down for, you might keep your guard glued up to avoid being hurt again. That keeps you from experiencing the loving intimacy that makes a romantic relationship most special. You may shut down when things get good, to keep yourself from falling for someone and risking being hurt again. Or you may not allow yourself to develop deep, trusting friendships if a friend burned you badly.

* Sabotaging good situations: If you’re scared of getting hurt, you may do even more than keep your guard up. Sometimes people do things to ruin a relationship or situation before it can hurt them. I’ve dated guys who did stupid things to ruin the good between us. I knew they’d been burned and were or scared. I even asked one if he was doing things to tick me off so I’d push him away. He admitted he was. His willpower wasn’t strong so he wanted to annoy me enough to put distance between us for him. I did by refusing to see him again. Yet so many folks ruin something pleasurable to avoid repeating pain that occurred the past.

* Low expectations: When you’ve been let down a lot, you may not expect people to keep their word or help you. Since the Law of Attraction gets its cues from your expectations, you’ll continue to lament about not getting much if you stay in this mindset.

Do you recognize yourself in any of these? Most of us have some baggage from the past. It’s hard to get through life unscathed, even if most things go well. No one wants to be hurt. People wrote after my last post and asked for suggestions on how to leave the past behind and live more in right now. While there are no easy solutions, I can assure you that if I was able to do it, anyone can! History guided my present for many years.

At first I felt helpless to let go of old beliefs and behavior. I was conscious of what I did, but had no tools to deal with it. But I wanted to! You have to really want to let old thoughts go in order to do it. Not just kinda want to. It can be very scary to move away from what you’re used to, even if you don’t like it. That’s why so many people stay in abusive relationships.

One of my most profound lessons came from a session with a therapist who considered himself a tool giver. He didn’t give traditional therapy and most people just saw him once. Someone recommended him highly. I was just on the brink of moving forward. I’d been on my own for a while and was getting stronger. It was before I was published. As we talked, he picked up on things I said and challenged me to think about my words. I learned a lot of great tools for living from him in that hour. But one blew me away, and helped me leave the past.

He asked what motivated me to go after success. I said I wanted to succeed for the helpless girl I used to be, who was pushed away from majoring in business by my high school counselor. She insisted I should major in Liberal Arts and get a husband to take care of me. It prepared me for nothing. Being the consummate Good Girl back then, I did as told. When I married a teacher at 20-years old, I became a teacher too. And hated it! I loved the kids but felt so unstimulated.

So I was determined to help that little girl who didn’t know any better to develop a fabulous career, despite new warnings to stay in teaching since it was too late to reinvent myself. Peter immediately jumped in to explain that was poor motivation. Living for the child I used to be kept her old hurts and limitations with me. What a profound wake up!

When you live with memories of who you were or what happened earlier in your life, you keep the old baggage with you too!

Peter suggested I remind myself I’m not that little girl. I’m older, have better self-esteem and more experience in handling situations. He’s so right! It jolted me into the present. I had to live for the terrific woman I am now, not the scared, insecure girl I was. A few days later, I put it to the test. It may sound silly but when I was five years old, I was sick and had to swallow my first pill—an aspirin. Prior to that Mom had always melted them. I was healthy and rarely needed medication. She gave me the pill and I was scared.

You know what happens when you’re scared! My throat closed up and I began choking and it all came up . That a traumatic experience made me unable to swallow a pill—not even a teensy one.

Shortly after meeting with Peter, I bought some Quercetin capsules that a natural pharmacist highly recommended for my allergies. I opened one and tried to take it with applesauce. But, it was very bitter and I couldn’t bear to take 2 each day like that. I sadly put them away. Then I remembered what Peter taught me. I reminded myself that I’m not that five-year old who choked. I’m an adult and perfectly capable of swallowing a pill. After repeating it over and over, I looked in the mirror and told myself as an adult I can swallow the pill. And I did!

NOW I can swallow huge pills. All because I reminded myself I’m not the girl who choked on an aspirin. I’m a capable woman and can swallow pills like other adults. I’ve used this lesson to handle many other situations. Without it, I’d still be lamenting about how I wish I could swallow pills.

Instead of holding me back, my inner child’s job now is simply to keeps me playful and smiling, not living in the past.

Later in the week I’ll have part 3 of Remember the Good. For now, think about where some of the baggage that holds you back comes from. Consciously remind yourself that you’re not that person in the past. Consciousness about your behavior and why you do things is the first step for stopping them from affecting your life NOW.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Advice from the Corporate Trenches

For my Embracing SUCCESS series, today I have advice from Tom Northup, founder of Leadership Management Group and author of the new book, Five Hidden Mistakes CEOs Make: How To Unlock the Secrets That Drive Growth and Profitability (Solutions Press, 2008). He believes that to realize their visions of the future, successful leaders must strategically transform how their companies operate at all levels, from leadership ability and people productivity to planning processes and even the underlying culture. A former CEO of three successful businesses, Northup says, “Attitude is everything. Right now, your company gets the results—good or bad—that it was designed to get. If your vision of the future differs from your current situation, if you want to get better results, then you must change the way you do things. If you don’t, how can you expect results that are any different from what you’ve already achieved?”

This book is written for leaders but the tips can be applied to many areas of business, and even in your personal life. So even if you’re not in the higher echelons of a corporation, or seeking to pursue getting there, these tips can still help you achieve the SUCCESS you want.

Advice from the Corporate Trenches
By Tom Northup

You will achieve higher success when you look for ways to accomplish your goals rather than make excuses. Here are several of the highest pay-off areas he sees as necessary for CEOs to focus on:

Develop strategically with purpose. Grow profits and revenues year-to-year. Build an outstanding company that is proactive and able to identify, develop and realize opportunities – regularly year after year. Do this by implementing "strategic development." For effective strategic development there needs to be both a clear definition of a desired future and effective operations. Break your operations down into people productivity and leadership culture. Realize that over time the sum of strategy, productivity and leadership will result in an outstanding company.

Focus on your core competencies first. Understand the key success factors that drive your marketplace and develop those into core competencies in your company. This requires developing a comprehensive strategy and then executing it. Pay attention to the details and document the processes you use well.

Get in control and stay in control. Is the company running you or are you in control? Do you have a strategy and operational initiatives that your management team fully supports? Do you hold your self and your team accountable to meet the milestones you have set for yourself? Evaluate operational performance using metrics that matter. Use systematic improvement to increase the performance of the things your people do to succeed.

Target opportunities intentionally instead of reacting to problems. What do you think about when driving home at the end of a long day; problems or opportunities? The difference between these two approaches is the difference between a weak organization not meeting its performance objectives and an outstanding organization that is a profitable, growing market leader.

Change the way things get done systematically. Do you and your managers make regular improvements or are you just getting by? All organizations are perfectly designed to get the results they are now getting. If you want a different future, you must change the way you do things. The definition of a rut – a coffin with the ends knocked out.

Be the Leader. Be the role model. Personal leadership means that you are the role model for your company. Everything you do and say counts. Your employees observe you and your traits. Your personal leadership is a reflection of you and your expectations for you and your organization. To be an effective manager you must exhibit strong personal leadership. Make it your personal goal to build personal excellence and develop an environment in which leadership qualities flourish in all employees because of your leadership example.

Control your strategic planning. Manage your strategic planning intentionally and intelligently with your management team so that you harness and channel the combined experience, education and perspectives that you hired them for. Effective planning focuses the team to drive organizational performance, improves sales results and achieve competitive advantage in your marketplace.

Let go of the myth of individualism. Don’t think that you are the only one who can do it all. Build your organization so that the organization performs without essential personalities and individuals. Trust your people and their abilities and instincts and see no reason to change what worked for them. Understand that their success depends on relationships and alliances with others as much as it does on themselves. Don’t let the idea that everyone succeeds or fails based on individual effort and ability, lead your people astray. Make organizational success a higher value than individual achievement in your corporate culture.

Focus on doing the right things. Many managers make the mistake of being efficient, doing things right, but not by being effective, doing the right things. Effective leaders and managers focus themselves and their people on the right things by hold holding themselves accountable for the company’s performance and future. To be accountable requires a solid foundation, a clear strategic plan, meaningful specific performance metrics, and regular progress reviews.

Embrace change. Real change is self motivated. It’s not that we do not like change. What we do not like is to be changed. Make the acceptance of change part of your corporate culture. Involve your employees in discovering the need for change and involve them in the plans for change so they don’t become “change plan critics” and change-resistant employees. People who participate in setting the direction of change and in developing initiatives to achieve change become intellectually and emotionally committed. Involve people in the solution, and they you will overcome resistance to change. People will welcome it. Change will become part of the fabric of the company.
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Thanks to Tom Northup, for sharing these great tips. Check out his new book, Five Hidden Mistakes CEOs Make: How To Unlock the Secrets That Drive Growth and Profitability (Solutions Press, 2008).

It’s All SUCCESS!

A client was recently discussing her progress for finding a new job. She’d rewritten her resume, sent some out, and studied online job boards. After a month, she felt discouraged after not getting any bites. I reassured her but she went on to call herself a failure. I immediately explained that she should actually be proud of her SUCCESS. She looked at me like I was from Mars. How could she be successful if she hadn’t gotten a new job yet?

Because SUCCESS isn’t just the end result. Getting off your butt and taking some action is SUCCESS, when you’re enlightened enough to recognize it as such.

When you don’t get instant gratification for your efforts, do you feel down or indulge in self-pity or feel defeated or all of the above? That’s typical, but unfair. Every step in your journey to reach the ultimate goal is SUCCESS. The hardest part of that SUCCESS may be the work you do to achieve it. Yet so many folks don’t acknowledge that as an accomplishment.

My ninth and tenth books will be out early next year so I’m not a newbie to publishing. People often ask how I manage to write them. How do I get the interviews for my music biz books? In their eyes, getting the book published is my SUCCESS. Yet for me, my biggest SUCCESS is writing the proposal that sells the book. I find that part tedious. It’s a sales pitch. Writing books is pure joy—the easy part for me. Once I have the deal and can write the book, I’m reaping the benefits of SUCCESS.

People judge my SUCCESS by all the TV and radio shows I’m on. I do get a lot of press. But for me that’s the process I need to go through to continue earning my living writing. The many fan letters from folks telling me how much my writing helped them is another big SUCCESS. Every day! That’s what makes what I do worthwhile. Earning money is good since I must pay my bills. But that’s not what I celebrate as SUCCESS.

It’s easy to sit back, do nothing and complain about not enjoying your life or getting what you want. Taking the first step to accomplish something is the first SUCCESS. Not giving up is SUCCESS. Making that call you hate making is SUCCESS.

I made my client do an inventory of all she’d done. Once she began to acknowledge her efforts as small SUCCESSES and cheer herself on, she began to get calls for job interviews. More importantly, she felt better. Slowly her perception of SUCCESS broadened with her opportunities.

In the first post of my Embracing SUCCESS series, I discussed some definitions of SUCCESS of my own and from other bloggers. Periodically I’ve posted more. I haven’t been as successful as I’d have liked about posting for this series lately. My schedule has been crazy with my plate overflowing with blessings of work.

Am I guilty about slacking off? NO! I consider it a SUCCESS that I prioritized my time to get my paid writing done while still getting some posts up here.

In the past I’d have killed myself to do it all. Less sleep. More stress. And beat myself up if I couldn’t do everything. Since this behavior hurts my well-being, I curtailed it. So slacking off on this blog for a while is actually SUCCESS to me. I care about myself enough to respect limits. Taking good care of yourself SUCCESS. Others may not agree but I don’t care! I feel good because of it!

This series is intended to make you more aware of the many facets of SUCCESS. It means many things to many people. The more you recognize things that you should celebrate as SUCCESS, the better you’ll feel and the more you’ll manifest. Some points to understand are:

* Appreciating all the little things you do and have as SUCCESS is a good way to count your blessings. The more you feel gratitude, the better you’ll feel. Gratitude is a great tool for accelerating SUCCESS. Counting your blessings attracts more blessings!

* From the point of view of the Law of Attraction, the more you acknowledge as positive SUCCESS, the more successful endeavors you’ll attract. Bah humbugging the journey to your goals puts a bah humbug vibe on it. Patting yourself on the back for each little step you take, and appreciating the bigger picture of your life more, feels better than lamenting about what hasn’t worked out yet.

* Making SUCCESS less about external material acquisitions and more about intangible assets, like internal peace and satisfaction, will make you a lot happier—IF you let it of course!

Now for some more definitions of SUCCESS from other bloggers. I greatly appreciate their participation. Lorraine Cohen at Powerfull Living participated a while back, with a full post called, What’s your Definition of Success? While I linked to it then, I want to quote part of her definition, since it fits what I just talked about:

“I see success as anything attempted regardless of the outcome. That’s how we learn and grow. So, I see every action as a stepping stone to bringing our desires to reality.”

When you flow from one step to another, the goal you’re pursuing becomes clearer and more accessible. Dustin Wax, project manager at Lifehack as well as the blogger behind The Writer's Technology Companion says:

“Success for me is a kind of flow state. It's not just that a project gets finished and that it meets your expectations but that one thing leads to the next. A successful project lays the groundwork for the next project, and so on, in a cycle of self-sustained growth. When all the parts of your life fit together and feed each other's motion, that to me is a successful life.”

I so love this definition! The last few months left me feeling a bit out of whack, rushing to interview people, transcribing, and writing—writing—writing, while I had to neglect activities and people. Now I’ve been expressing gratitude for getting my mojo back. It’s so true that when you’re in a good flow and life works for you, you’ve achieved the kind of SUCCESS that creates joy and satisfaction. The pursuit of money and power doesn’t! Colleen Wainwright at Communicatrix has learned the true meaning of SUCCESS and says:

“For years, I measured my success by external yardsticks: money, power, lots of juice on a business card—even my status as the post-feminist version of Mrs. Somebody Else (without, you know, actually *changing* my name, since the deed went down in a post-feminist era.)

Ironically, now I measure my success in how quickly I notice when I'm still measuring myself by those old, external standards. Because change, she is a mighty and slow process, and I'd be lying if I said I had the issue well in hand. I'm working towards being comfortable with whatever I define success as, which, at this point, is mainly being comfortable in my own skin. No external rewards for that, but the internal gratification is priceless...I think.”

Internal gratification IS priceless! Colleen’s definition reminds me that my biggest SUCCESS is finding and loving me. To rip off a Master Card commercial—You might buy a house--half million, a car--40 grand, get a raise at work--$10,000. Learning to love yourself—PRICELESS! As a recovering DoorMat, I’ve come a long way from the hell I lived in when I hated myself and let people walk all over me to be liked. No matter what else happens in my life, I’ve found SUCCESS!

Being happy is SUCCESS. Sadly, I encounter many more people who aren’t happy. They may not be overtly unhappy, but they’re living without passion. MANY people pass time, like I did before I took the train out of DoorMatville, instead of grabbing life with both hands and jumping into joyful activities and people. As Jonathan Fields, at Awake @ the Wheel, says:

“Success is the ability to spend the greatest amount of time absorbed in activities and relationships that fill me up, surrounded by people I cannot get enough of.”

Yes! SUCCESS is having a life that fulfills you, that provides MANY reasons to smile each day. A computer techie I know works constantly. He runs from one person to another to charge his high hourly fee to help them. I asked him if he ever slowed down. Surely he must make enough money with all his long hours. He pulled out a bunch of tech toys and explained that there are more and more electronic devices being created. He has to have them all, so he needs tons of $$. I asked him if he’s happy. He looked confused. I know he’s not. He rarely smiles and is always rushing off to work or buy more.

You can buy lots of toys and clothes and other things, but you can’t buy is joy!

Creating a joyful life is an inside job. When you recognize that being happy is true SUCCESS, your priorities will go in that direction. As Scott Young at Get More from Life says:

“Success is having a reason to wake up with enthusiasm each morning. If you can do that, the rest will take care of itself.”

Redefine SUCCESS so you can manifest more in healthier ways. Embrace every little things that you do that improves your life and every attempt to reach a bigger goal. If you look for small SUCCESSES to acknowledge, you can feel successful every day! David Bohl at Slow Down Fast posted earlier as part of this series and has some questions that can get you thinking about what SUCCESS is in What Does Success Mean to You? The more you appreciate as SUCCESS, the better you feel!

Thanks again to Lorraine Cohen at Powerfull Living, Dustin Wax, at Lifehack and The Writer's Technology Companion, Colleen Wainwright at Communicatrix, Jonathan Fields, at Awake @ the Wheel, Scott Young at Get More from Life, and David Bohl at Slow Down Fast for participating. Gee, I feel a bit more SUCCESSFUL from having them share their thoughts! And there will be more definitions to get you thinking in future posts!

Thanks to these blog carnivals for including this post:
Personal Hack

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Remember the Good!

I recently saw someone I hadn’t seen in ages, who I’ll call Sue. We went through the usual pleasantries of “How are you doing?” She said she had a better job and had lost a little weight. I said I was glad that things are going well for her. That triggered her telling me a flood of things that had gone wrong in the last few years.

Sue’s Mom had been sick—two years ago! She’d recovered fine but Sue went on and on about how bad it was when Mom was in the hospital. Then she told me all the gory details about why she’d left her last job. I tried asking questions about the good stuff she had going on but she kept telling me about all the negative things she’d gone through in the past years.

Yet she was at a job she liked, in good health, with a Mom who was now in good health!

Too often we relive the past. Or should I saw wallow or grovel in. I did it when I was a DoorMat! Deep down, I think that I didn’t feel deserving of good things. So I held onto the past and suffered through old memories. When you’re in a negative state of mind, you tend to look back on the past more, remembering how people hurt you, feeling low, having promises broken, etc.

But living in the past has few positive benefits. It’s over. Done. Finito!

I live in the NOW. That means I focus on what’s going on right now. And now my life is fine. Actually it’s fabulous! I’d rather count my current blessings than recount past unpleasantries. I don’t worry about tomorrow since it’s not here yet. And yesterday is over. Yet we often keep yesterday alive:

* A romantic partner broke your heart once and now you’re scared to trust anyone.
* You were bit by a dog as a child but are still scared of animals.
* You didn’t feel loved as a child and continue to be needy for it from anyone who’ll give it.
* You mother said that you were worthless and you still feel incapable.
* You were a DoorMat growing up and still can’t get rid of the old messages.

My kindergarten teacher laughed at my paintings. I was five years old, very vulnerable, and wanting to please everyone. Miss Angulo looked at what I was happily making with paint and made fun of it. She joked that I had no talent. To this day I still can’t fathom how someone, no less a teacher, could do that to a child. Yet she was a nice lady, and she liked me. I took her criticism very personally and for the next twenty years was convinced I should stay away from art.

Yet I loved art! I’d draw with pencils and magic markers and hide them.

I was terrified to let anyone see what I made. I enjoyed doing art so much. But, I had no talent! It wasn’t till my mid-twenties that I took an adult ed art class and the teacher said I did some of the best work she’d seen. I said she was wrong and told her what happened in kindergarten. She looked at me like I was insane. One teacher told me at five that I had no talent and I’d made it my reality! That’s when I left the art closet and let people see my work. Now I’m proud of it and have exhibited in art fairs.

Stevie Wonder said, “The only time we should look back to yesterday is to look at the positive things that were accomplished to encourage us to do better things today and tomorrow.”

That’s where I am now. Sometimes I look back as I count my blessings. Good stuff. Positive things people said or did. Remembering good things that happened reminds you that getting what you want is possible. Y

Our past is history. Leave it there instead of dredging it up as painful reminders of what you’ve been through, like Sue did.

I wake up happy each day, because what I’m thinking of is the good stuff I have right now. NOTHING someone said or did to you in the past can hurt you today unless you allow the memories to. Life is as lovely as you choose to make it. So CHOOSE to make it as positive as possible. Rehashing negatives doesn't add one good thing! Watch your thoughts, what you say to others, and how much you complain. Stop the negatives!

You deserve to choose a happy life and have happy experiences! So leave yesterday in the past where it belongs and relish your life and the blessings you have in it, right now.

Remember the Good Part 2

Thanks for including this article in the Carnival of Positive Thinking.

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Carnival of Healing #146

Welcome to the Carnival of Healing #146! I’m absolutely delighted to be hosting again. The Carnival is a weekly round-up of personal blog posts on the topics of holistic health, wellness, spirituality, and self-empowerment. It’s coordinated by About.com's Guide to Holistic Healing, Phylameana Iila Desy.

When I host a carnival, I like to have a theme. Yesterday I wrote an article called Get into Oink Mode! I discussed how we shouldn’t put limits on ourselves on how much we can manifest. I live by the Law of Attraction, and believe that we attract what we intend to have or put the action into to go after. So my theme today is finding all sorts of way to be kind to yourself and make yourself the best you can be. When you identify things you can do or have, and put out the intention to get them, you’ll have the Law of Attraction on your side. Why not attract lots of goodies instead of just one thing at a time? That’s why I like oink mode. My actions show the Universe I want all the blessings I can attract for my body, mind and spirit!

This week there are an assortment of articles that have suggestions for making your life much better. Read them. Learn from them, and identify things you can do for yourself that you can put out to the Universe and attract for yourself.

Since thoughts and beliefs limit what you attract, if you can unlearn some of your old habits and ways of thinking, you open yourself up to attracting a better way of life. CG Walters addresses this in Walking on Water: Unlearning our limitations posted at Into the Mist.

In that same vein, Arun presents Positive Spin posted at Arun is Bringing You...Your Daily Remedy. He says, “Simply changing your outlook can make everything in life seem brighter!” It also attracts brighter experiences and makes your attitude brighter too."

Creating a healthier lifestyle on many levels is a fabulous way to let the Universe know you’re serious about being feeling good. Anand Dhillon presents How to Build a Healthy Lifestyle posted at Anand Dhillon's Self-Help Blog. He says he explains, “Step-by-step how to go from a sedentary lifestyle to an active, healthy lifestyle. Includes health tips about diet, nutrition, exercise, breathin, making the transition, measuring progress and avoiding the pitfalls."

Gratitude is a great way to attract amazing things into your life. Lovelyn presents Gratitude: The Secret to a Happy Life posted at The Art of Balanced Living.

Appreciating all the blessings around you attracts more. Shirley presents 8 Free Ways to Enjoy Life. posted at Fun Spirit. She says, “It’s so easy to overlook the wonders and joys that surround you every day. In the rush and hurry of getting through the day, we may overlook the simple pleasures. With all the products and advertising bombarding us, you may have forgotten some of the free and easy ways to enjoy the abundance that is all around you."

Stress can really wreck your joy and peace of mind. Joel Chue says self-hypnosis is a great way to control it in Self-Hypnosis Relaxation Information posted at SELF HYPNOSIS: Weight Loss, Quit Smoking Self Hypnosis!. Using relaxation techniques shows you’re serious about getting more relaxed!


When we see things as unfair, it makes us angry. And anger is detrimental to your health and your soul. Finding ways to handle unfair people in a fair way, attracts healthier energy. Crystal Nichols has tips in her article, How to handle the unfairness of life posted at Christian in the Corporate World.

Doing yoga is beneficial in a gazillion ways. Neelakantha at at NursingDegree.net compiled a long list of articles, blogs, classes and other resources for learning more about it. NursingDegree.net The Ultimate Guide to Yoga: 100 Blogs, Tutorials, and Resources and Sagar Satapathy at that same site presents 77 Surprising Health Benefits of Yoga Doing yoga shows the Universe you’re serious about having a healthier body, mind and spirit!

Dan Taylor asks, “Do you really want to know what's holding you back?” at The Truth posted at The 45-Year Old Six Pack. Your actions can set your intentions. This is a thoughtful post that can get you thinking!

Avani presents a review of Bill O’Hanlon’s book, Do One Thing Different in 20 Learnings from Do One Thing Different posted at Avani-Mehta. When you try a new response to an old problem, you attract better energy.

Some foods pack a double bonus—feeding you and nourishing your health. Ralph Jean-Paul presents Eat This Now! The 20 Healthiest Foods You Shouldn't Live Without posted at Potential 2 Success. He says, “Get your hands on these foods and begin to experience the powerful health benefits they provide.” I say show the Universe you’re serious about being healthier by adding at least some of these to your diet. I eat a lot of them and it does improve my health!

Have you, like many of us, looked for ways to lower your sugar calorie count? Weight Ladder / Rich Leverage presents Agave Nectar Complex Carbohydrate Sugar Substitute posted at Weight Loss Journal. He says Agave Nectar Complex might just be the perfect solution to the question of sugar substitution. The best thing about it is that it's thought not to affect your blood sugar levels. I’m going to try this as I like sweets but want to have less sugar!

Need to lose weight? Joshua Seth presents How To Double Your Weight Loss posted at Joshua Seth's Weight Loss Hypnosis Blog. He has tips for helping you take control of factors that keep you from losing those extra pounds. Take action against them to show you’re serious!

I get sore feet sometimes and am always grateful for ways to avoid that happening. Tip Diva presents Tip Diva | Top Ten Tips - Avoiding Foot Pain posted at Tip Diva. She says, “If you’ve ever gotten home, kicked off your shoes and announced, “Oww, my feet hurt,” then you’re probably not wearing proper shoes. Here are ways to alleviate common sources of foot pain.” As a walk-a-holic, I welcome these tips!

Have you suffered from herniated discs and wish you could heal them? Dean Moyer shares his response to one reader's question about herniated discs in his Can Herniated Discs Really Heal? posted at The Back Pain Blog. He says the good news is they do heal and what's more, surgery is seldom required.

That's all for this Carnival! Read and learn from the posts. Tune in next week. Cynthia Quarta at Healing Tai Chi will be hosting. You can submit to this Carnival with the Carnival Submission Form.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

Get Into Oink Mode!

I’ve heard a gazillion times that too much of a good thing is no good. I know that can be true. Sometimes, having too much of a good thing can make you take it for granted. If you eat too much of something you love you can get sick of it. That’s happened to me, even with yummy things. Too much alcohol can make you sick. But this theory doesn’t apply to everything in life. Yet we often limit what we feel we can get or what we deserve. That’s not a good use of this mentality!

Mae West said that “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” I agree wholeheartedly! You can never have too much happiness, contentment, or prayers that get answered.

I used to just pray for specific things, so as not to be a greedy girl. Then I read the book, Prayer of Jabez by Bruce H. Wilkinson. It’s a teeny book with a BIG message. It analyzes the Prayer of Jabez, a little known prayer in the bible. The first verse is “Oh, that You would bless me indeed.” The interpretation of that line?

God wants you to ask for miracles. Lots of them!

There’s no tradeoff—if you ask for one thing you can still ask for another and another! Now I completely accept that I can ask for everything I want, and expect to get it in its right time. After reading the book, I began asking for more. And I got more. I asked specifically for miracles, and miracles happened! I got one thing and continued asking for others.

Now that I believe God wants me to be happy, I’m in oink mode! I’m no longer guilty or apologetic about asking for goodies in many areas.

Let go of limitations about what you should ask for or expect. Why not? We can get support for the best life possible. No matter what your religious belief, or lack of one, I implore you to embrace a sense of faith in whatever way works for you. Put it into action! Let the Law of Attraction bring you lots of goodies from all directions. I used to put out an expectation for something I wanted. Then I felt it wasn’t nice to ask for more. So I waited a while before putting other things I wanted.

That was DoorMat style! Now that I’m in oink mode, I put out all sorts of expectations. They come at the right time.

As your spiritual power works, get into oink mode. Use it more! Start by asking for awareness and guidance about something you need. Be patient. Spirituality isn't magic. You just have to use it. The more faith you get, the more you’ll manifest. It takes time before big benefits of faith become obvious. They may creep up in subtle ways until one day you realize that life is much better in directions that you'd asked for. YEAH!

What would you like? Think about it. Get your vibe of expectation going. Tell the Universe you’re ready for it. Then release it to God and expect it to happen. Getting lots of goodies is so much better than being a DoorMat who feels she doesn’t deserve much. Now I want it all!

OINK! ☺

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Girls SHOULD Wanna Have Fun

I was running in Central park the other morning and saw a large group of kids. They were out with a teacher in a summer program. As I ran by, I noticed something I’ve seen many times. The boys were running around having a blast. Playing ball, Frisbee, chasing each other, falling down. The girls were sitting quietly in small groups. Doing pretty much nothing!

I wish Cyndi Lauper’s song, “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” was true. Because they don’t!

Okay, maybe they do, deep down. But many won’t allow themselves to have it. When I ran a summer day camp, the boys ran around and played ball all day. The girls over 9 or 10 never wanted to do anything but sit around watching the boys, combing each other’s hair and gossiping. There were a few I could motivate to get up and do an activity. But most followed one or two leaders who called all the shots and led the rest like the Pied Piper.

And then guys wonder why their girlfriend or wife wants to be with him all the time! Many chicks haven’t learned how to have fun, beyond having a guy.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from guys is that when they want a night out with the boys, their partners act like they feel lost. I used to do that when I was a DoorMat. I’d ask, "But what will I do?" in response to his wanting to spend time with friends. My life revolved around whatever guy I was dating. If he was busy, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

Why do so many of us have no life when our world isn't revolving around a man?

One reason is because when we’re girls, we often don’t learn to have fun the way boys did. We didn't have activities that encouraged us to bond with other girls. Boys played more team sports and had less boundaries. They didn't have to stay clean and quiet, so they had more fun together.

We have closer intimate friendships than men. But men have a male bonding for which there's little female equivalent. Men's camaraderie often has a stronger and healthier foundation.

I was once asked to speak on a live TV news show to talk about a "girl's night out." The producer planned to interview women on the street about what they do when they go out with friends. Then I’d comment on their activities. She was excited, thinking she'd get some great responses. I warned her it would probably be a boring segment. It was.

Most women said they went out for dinner with friends. Some went to the theater, a lecture, or concert; some had drinks. What did they talk about? Many discussed work. A big topic was men - their current partner - where to find one - anger towards them - frustration without one. Women often get together to commiserate about men on some level. They spend nights out talking about men and general problems. Talking out our problems with friends is fine. It can be good for us.

But when do we just have fun? When do we carouse, get silly, or totally let our hair down? We often don't.

On the other hand, guys have lots of fun. As boys, they share more sports, wrestling, crashing cars and soldiers and other activities while girls play with dolls or play quietly. So as boys have mindless fun, girls practice being mothers. Guys continue bonding through sports, drinking, doing crazy stunts together, etc., as we spend time with friends trying to look good and find a boyfriend. Men still have fun with their friends as adults.

We don't necessarily have a foundation for having a great time. Our upbringing may not have taught us appropriate or acceptable avenues for fun with other females. Many of us never learned to have a "girl's night out" that's nearly as much fun as being with a man, or even close to as fun as a guy may have with his friends. So many women have no interests beyond HIM.

Women often complain that friends disappear when they have a man. When we're happily in a relationship, we may not need friends, except as a sounding board. But that’s mainly because we’re taught we need a guy to complete us. And if we’re complete with only him, we want to stay put with him!

When guys are in a relationship, they often don't want to give up going out with friends. They like being able to let their hair down and go back to childhood. We get judged if we try behavior they enjoy. Men get drunk together. If we do women do, we may be seen as loose, or unladylike, so there's a stigma attached. Men carouse and get stupid. That's also not considered lady-like either. Men play sports. Some of us play too, but not with the same intensity as men. We don't have our Sunday football games in the park where we can make fools of ourselves and love it. Men watch sports together at home, live, or in bars. They play cards, hear live music in a bar, and other things they find fun.

Many men are often so into bonding when they’re out together, they don't care about meeting women on some nights out with friends.

I have friends who won’t go out anywhere unless there’s potential to meet a guy. I get impatient with them now. I love my life and spending quality time having fun with friends. I’m not on the prowl when I’m out since I’m complete on my own now. Some women are almost programmed to try to find the missing piece in a man so they feel whole. But that never works! And many never learn it doesn’t. I didn’t back in DoorMatville. I always thought it was my fault that I could find the man to complete me. I kept trying to find THE one. Now I'm THE one.

Completing yourself allows you to have more pleasure in life’s blessings instead of always being on edge, waiting for Prince Charming to whisk you off.

Women meet with friends for dinner or drinks to talk about men. We go to various functions looking for men. We shop for clothes to attract one. Boring! Many of us don't share interests with friends which we truly enjoy. It's not our fault. Girls aren't encouraged to enjoy each other's company as guys are. Men may go back to being frolicky little boys for a few hours with their friends. When we're with ours, it's not enthralling to simulate being good little girls who sat quietly doing a task or raising our dolls.

But it can be when you make yourself whole!

I wasn't taught to have a life. Many of us haven’t been. But you can change that. You can develop interests that can consume you with pleasure. You can put the thought of finding someone aside as you explore adding interesting facets to your life. You CAN learn to have fun without a romantic partner. BIG smiling fun! I’ve learned that the only way to be happy is to get a life. Cultivate interests. Stoke your passions for things that don’t involve a romantic partner.

Get out from under the tree and go play. Get dirty. Get silly! Let your inner child come out and play. I’m still a little girl at times—a very happy one! Go out and play. Come on! You can have some fun, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to have a fun life!

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What is Patriotism?

I saw a poll on one of the morning shows today. They did a survey asking what people consider patriotism. My answer didn’t even make the long list that included voting, wearing a flag pin, and other things that I believe doesn’t necessarily make someone patriotic. Looking at the long list of things that I don’t consider representing patriotism got me thinking.

I consider myself patriotic because I love my country. Pure and simple.

Anyone can wear a flag pin, or vote. But to say from your heart that you really love your country, even if you don’t agree with everything its leader does or its policies, is patriotism to me.

I watched the fireworks tonight as the Fourth of July celebrations sent lights exploding over the East River on TV. I actually live near the area where they go off. I can hear them explode in my apartment. But I have no desire to face the packed crowds to stand outside for many hours, often in the rain, to watch. Are they more patriotic than me? Nope! I’m just more practical. I had a friend who worked at the UN with an office overlooking the festivities and for several years I was spoiled with a front row seat. So now I’m content to watch from the comfort of my air-conditioned place.

As I watched the finale, I felt wonderful about being an American as the band played God Bless America.

I’ve despised many of the policies of the current administration and count the days till Bush is out. My heart gets heavy when I think of the war we instigated in Iraq. But I can speak freely about it. That’s part of the freedom I celebrate as part of being an American.

I have a good friend in Tehran Iran. She translated one of my books six years ago and we’ve been writing to each other ever since. She doesn’t have the freedom I have. She can’t even read this blog! It’s banned, as are many things for her. Even my book got banned after she translated it! She’s used to living with restrictions. I’m not, because my country allows more freedom. Nasrin can’t speak out against her president in public. I can, and do!

It’s funny, because right after 9/11, it seemed like everyone had flags hanging and I wanted one too. All the motivated patriots had flags on their cars, homes, etc. Since I live in an apartment, there’s no place to hang a real one so I got a cardboard facsimile and taped it to my outside door. It’s been there ever since. What I find funny is how many people question why my flag still proudly adorns my front door.

I’ve asked if patriotism is only supposed to show itself after a tragedy. But they don’t get it!

It actually gets comical when folks question why I’d want a flag on my door now. Or sad. Some have a very skewed view of patriotism. To me, rituals don’t necessarily make you one way or another. You can vote or wear a flag pin and not love your country. My flag is on my door from my heart, not from habit.

A while after 9/11, we had the huge blackout. Our hallways have no windows. I was out when it happened and had to walk up 10 flights of stairs to get home. There was an auxiliary light on as I walked up the stairs. Just as I reached my floor, it went out, leaving me in total darkness. There are 2 stairwells on my floor and I couldn’t remember which one I’d come out on. I became disoriented and got scared in the darkness, not being sure where my apartment was.

Then I saw a reflection on a door. It was from my shiny cardboard flag!

The flag people questioned helped me get home. It’s still mounted proudly on my door, as people wonder why. Because I’m not a fair weather patriot!

Happy Birthday USA! Happy Fourth of July to you all!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

(Living in Parentheses)

Today I have a very special post---2 short essays written by Rose Rappaport, a woman who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on June 5, 2005. During her illness, she took a writing class and wrote a series of essays about what she was going through. She passed away 10/23/2007, 11 days after her 59th birthday. With the help of her writing teacher, Barry Sheinkopf, her husband, Harvey Rappaport, put together a book with Rose’s essays called (Living in Parentheses). It’s a sad but also very uplifting glimpse at how one woman with a finite amount of time lived every minute fully, and with a positive outlook.

Pancreatic cancer is the fourth cause of cancer death, yet people know the least about it. It’s also the most underfunded for research. All proceeds for the sale of this book will be donated for pancreatic cancer research. If you donate at least $20 directly to the Lustgarten Foundation, you’ll get a book (more info on this below). When Rose passed away, her spirit lived on. Harvey Rappaport says:

I ask that you not be sad at her passing. This was a gloriously unselfish person filled with faith, love, and compassion. Her search for enrichment and spirituality knew no bounds. She was a teacher in every sense of the word. These qualities always drew people to her. Please rejoice in a life lived to its fullest.

Rose Rappaport refused to fall victim to cancer. I’m honored to be able to share some of her words with you and hope that you’re inspired enough to donate to pancreatic cancer research so you can get a copy of her book (more info below). You can strongly feel her spirit in her words. These 2 essays are last 2 full ones in the book.

WHO AM I???
by Rose Rappaport

February 2, 2007. It’s twenty months since I was diagnosed. Lately I have been feeling more tired than usual. The cumulative effects of continuous chemo are beginning to take their toll. Yet I am so very blessed. When I first met with the oncologist I naively asked, “How long?” She looked at me and smiled a sad smile. She could be accurate to a point; lots depended on my reaction to the drugs, how fast the tumor would grow, my mental attitude. I pressed her further. It was important for me to know what I was dealing with.

Finally she acquiesced and stated clinically, this was a virulent, fast-growing cancer, and given that I was at the fourth stage--perhaps a year. So that was the prognosis.

Dr. O’Reilly has been pleasantly surprised and, truthfully, so have we. After the shock and the tears, I decided I would not die of a diagnosis—that statistics were averages, and I was bold to declare that Rose Rappaport had never been average a day in her life. Whether it’s my gene pool (my paternal grandmother lived to be 104), my insistence that I keep to a fully active life (I teach at university and continue to consult on an at call basis), my support system of family and friends requesting calls for prayers and positive thoughts, or my darling Harvey, who refuses to let me stay in the dark cave of my mind too long--

I know I am blessed, yet my heart is heavy.

My friend Terri called several nights ago. We met Terri at our veterinarian’s office. She was the able assistant who calmed our precious cats during their examinations. Her soothing manner and luminous blue eyes reassured our angst. A single woman in her mid-thirties, Terri stroked and soothed in a manner that was engaging, not only to our cats, but to us two-legged beings. Soon we became friends and engaged her to cat sit for us whenever we travel. And she loves cats. We know her visits will include not only feeding and litter box patrol, but squeezing and petting our three furry children.

Terri had called to tell us that the breast cancer that had been cured two years earlier had invasively returned. Her recent scans showed a growth on her liver and nodules in the bones of her shoulders, neck, and chest. She was calling to ask for a recommendation for a second opinion. We talked for a long time. I listened carefully, allowing her to say what she was feeling. I offer words of courage, knowing what her new battle will entail.

Cancer, cancer, cancer. It never becomes a meaningless noise the way almost any other word does when you repeat it endlessly.

There is something about the way the letters hang together that is oddly malignant. The cure, with its well-documented cumulative effects, knocks you down like a ton of bricks or flattened like Road Runner under an Acme safe.

How one handles a life-threatening illness demonstrates character. Cancer has brought me two lives. One as a healthy person and another as a--what? I don’t know what to say, for I have never claimed this diagnosis. What is my identity in the face of so radical disruption? Who was I? Who am I? Who will I be? Truthful answers to these questions often take years to realize. I am on a fast track—always was—but now the movement forward is different. I cannot run and hide. Sometimes I wish I could be less introspective, less aware of what’s going on inside.

Suffering does different things to different people. Some souls become tempered, unshakable in their trust in God; others become twisted and misshapen, abandoning all connections to Him.

Like school, each medical test or procedure is another determinant of your fate. Passing the test or getting a bad grade has few do-over’s. When you flunk, you die. Hearts, lungs, bones, blood—the raw materials that keep you alive--are so very vulnerable. They wear out, wear down. But the spirit--that is another story. In many ways my soul has gotten stronger, experiencing life with more wisdom and gratitude. Yes, I am blessed more today than before because the spirit can shine beyond the realities of the body.

I believe this because it sustains me.
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SURRENDER
by Rose Rappaport

One of the more amazing elements of this journey has been my total surrender to the Will of God. I realize that for some readers this statement sounds like I have given up or am delusional. I am far from a Holy Roller or evangelical. The idea of total surrender is a new one for me. I have been raised Catholic, attended grade, high school and college with religious instruction. I was fortunate that my teachers, be they nuns or priest, always provided a platform of self discovery and constant questioning. My attendance at Mass or Holy Days is not driven by guilt or habit, but by choice. Jesus Christ is alive for me and I believe I am where I am supposed to be.

This was not always the case. In September 2001, before 9/11, I was downsized from a position as Vice President, Human Resources in the music industry. It was a job I loved and was good at. World events after 9/11 exacerbated a slowing economy. My expertise was attached to a high price tag and efforts to explain I was willing to start over met with the corporate cold shoulder. In the midst of this fruitless job search I attended a parish mission. Frustrated and close to despair, I met Fr. Daniel Frances, a Redemptorist priest. His words and passion about the Christ rekindled the smoldering embers of my faith. Fr. Dan spoke of the Lord’s Passion and death as the anchor for resurrection and revival.

I always had an eclectic reading regime but now I wanted to fill myself with reading from both the West and East. The melding of Eastern philosophy, Zen Buddhism; the reading of Aquinas, John of the Cross and Theresa of Avila merged together, simmering diversity yet similar messages of trust, faith and love. These imprints reinforced my personal philosophy which simply stated is “you create the world you live in.” I had a choice on how I would deal with the diagnosis and live the balance of my life no matter how long. The concept of surrender is foreign to western sensibilities, particularly in the US. Yet, the intentionality of accepting life’s circumstance takes an enormous burden from your being.

For me surrender, AKA acceptance, did not mean I would give up. I researched my illness and actively participate in my treatment. My oncologist, Dr. Eileen O’Reilly is one of the special experts who has the sense and style to ask me what I think about what’s happening to ME.

Surrender gives up the struggle of anger and denial. It understands there just may be no other reason than circumstance. Surrender allows me to take control of my thoughts and actions. It places trust in a Higher Power. Be that my higher sense of self, or the Universe or God. It provides, at least for me a booster shot on the days the pain is too strong and I am scared.

A terminal illness takes over your life and acceptance allows me to boldly state: “I WILL NOT DIE FROM A DIAGNOSIS” My spirit is buoyed up to plan for the future and to live in hope.
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Harvey Rappaport says if you’re interested in purchasing the book, you can donate $20 to the Lustgarten Foundation (so it’s a tax write-off!). That will cover the cost of the book and mailing and the proceeds would go to a foundation that supports Pancreatic Cancer research. You’d have to contact Harvey to get the book. Email him for more info.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!