Finding Your Passions

Last week I wrote an Can You Really Live by the Grace of Passion? I said that I’d post more specific tips for finding your passions, so here they are as promised. I use the plural of passion since like me, you can have many. Finding your passion is not about just one thing. It can expand and change and multiply as you see how lovely it is to do the things that bring you joy!

As I said last week, I never wanted to teach. Yet I continued to do it for a while as I searched for ways to follow my passions. I also worked on getting as far from DoorMatville as possible. It took time. I tried new things while I still had a steady income. I saved money when I could. Networking opened some doors. My strong faith opened more.

When I finally felt strong enough, I burned the renewal form for my teaching license and with it, my security blanket. And, I swore I’d never do anything for money that I didn’t love.

That was 13 years ago. Thirteen GLORIOUS years ago! The timing was interesting too. A few years before that I gave up the day camp I owned and operated for years. That was another good source of income. I actually enjoyed it at the beginning, since it was mine. But eventually there was more and more red tape involved and it became too tedious. I’d always wanted to see what it was like to live in Manhattan. So I sold my camp and moved into a much more expensive living situation.

That was just before I also gave up teaching, as my expenses increased! I honestly didn’t know how I’d support myself but just kept following my passion. Faith kept me from worrying and I managed to find ways to make money from my abilities, doing things I enjoyed. I didn’t get my first book deal for a few years but I slowly—step by step—reinvented myself. I helped others write their books, which I still do, and put my talent to work. My friends sometimes tease that they don’t wonder if I’ll make enough to pay my bills, but wonder where the money will come from. I always manifest enough income.

I’ve NEVER regretted giving up what I had no passion for. NEVER!

So how can you get to the place of loving your work? It doesn’t have to be from working for yourself, though for many of us it’s the way to go. Many people find satisfaction in their jobs. The main thing is to be happy about what you do, wherever and whatever it is. Here are some steps that I found helpful:

* Think about whether you love, or even like, the things you do, whether work or play. We’re often on auto-pilot when it comes to living. I’d go through the motions without even thinking about what I was doing. Ask yourself, “Do I feel happy with what I do?” If it’s not a resounding YES!, turn off your auto-pilot and begin to pay attention to what you like and don’t like.

* Pay attention to how others talk about their jobs. Do you want to spend your life like those who complain or can’t wait to retire? Or do you want to feel the kind of satisfaction you hear from those of us who discuss our careers with passion?

* Pay attention to any parts of your current job that you enjoy. You might actually enjoy the work but dislike the company, so working in a different place might be all that’s needed. Or you might want to get a job that allows you to do more of the aspects you like. For example, if you like helping others to troubleshoot the computers in your office, consider taking a class on how to do just that for a living. If you love the times you work directly with people, look for a job in communications.

* Pay attention to your outside interests. Write down everything that you’d love to do if you only had the time. Then look for jobs that might allow you to further that passion. If you love to travel, research jobs in the travel industry. If you love animals, there are jobs at organizations for animal rights or even the zoo. You might be able to put your skills to use in an environment that deals with what you love.

* Take a class in whatever interests you. See if new skills can lead to a more satisfying career. Talk to the instructor and make new friends with your interests. Networking is key to finding your passion.

* Volunteer. Do some free work for an organization that does something of interest to you. Learn as much as you can and network your socks off. You never know when an opportunity will open and someone you helped will think of you for it. A teacher I know took a PR class, just because doing publicity interested her. She then volunteered to do PR for some non-profits and did so well that she was offered a PR job. Now she’s a successful and very happy full time publicist. I’ve improved some of my skills and made good contacts while volunteering for organizations in the field I want to be in.

* Close you ears to nay-sayers. I wouldn’t be where I am now if my students hadn’t said I couldn’t rap because I was a white woman. That led me to prove them wrong and an awesome career beyond that. Many times I’ve been told “you can’t do that” and proved them wrong. People trapped in their little boxes on auto-pilot see through the blinders of their own limitations. If YOU believe it, you can do it. Those who CHOOSE to rise to the top of their game.

* Use your spiritual faith to manifest. I often look up and say thanks for something I don’t have yet. As I became a faith-based person, I began to manifest small things. Each one led to more. Since I know with all my heart that I get support in everything I need, I take BIG risks. No matter how bad things have looked at times, I always waited for a miracle and always have enough money for what I want.

* Decide what’s more important—money or happiness. It’s definitely possible to have both, but happiness is a much more satisfying goal. Money often doesn’t make someone happy if the work sucks! As someone who sometimes lives on the financial edge—since I turn down all but things I want to do—I can say with certainty that being happy with what you do is the best gift you can give to yourself—much better than money can buy.

Don’t make excuses to stay unhappy with your job. And, there’s nothing wrong with having a job you don’t love but that doesn’t make you unhappy if it allows you to follow other passions. Being a happy person should be the outcome. If you go to an office with nice people, don’t feel like you can’t wait for the day to end—every day—and you have lots of joy outside the office, that could be the right track for you. Otherwise, use some of my tips to stir the passion in your life.

Living to the fullest is the best. You may be scared but when you are, remember that you can’t get the time you waste back. It’s better to try and not get where you want than to look back when you’re older and feel regret that you didn’t take a chance. “What if I’d only done this or that?” can make your later years feel worse. I lived on the safe path when I was a DoorMat. And I was rarely happy. Now I wake up smiling every day. I encourage you to go for the smiles too!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

Letter To Britney Spears

I’ve written about Brit before. One keeps hearing about how low she keeps sinking. People reach out to her. And now, her dirty family laundry is being aired, giving obvious clues about why Brit keeps taking the low road. So what’s a pop princess to do?

I’ve always said I have compassion for Britney Spears.

Now that her childhood traumas have been exposed, I have even more. Her father was an alcoholic. She was her parent’s ticket out of poverty. What I've read is quite dysfunctional. Her mom is said to have taken her to bars and shared glasses of wine before Brit was eighteen. It’s easy to tell someone to live for right now. But Brit jumped from child to adult world. She missed adolescence and growing pains that normal girls have. Now she’s suffering from the pain of being an adult in great distress.

My friend Joy Rose is founder of Mamapalooza, an entertainment and lifestyle community for moms. As a mom and lead singer for Housewives on Prozac, Joy has a strong focus on musicians and music related activities. She wrote the letter below, expressing her feelings about what Brit is going through. As someone so blatantly in the public eye, Britney Spears sets a bad example for many girls and young women who emulate her behavior. She’s also a sad example of how money, fame, looks, etc., don’t bring happiness or self-powerment. Here’s Joy’s letter:

Letter To Britney Spears

Dear Britney,
As a musician who’s also a mom, I want say how profoundly sorry I am for all you’re going through. Your career has been orchestrated by some of the biggest entertainment star-makers in the business, invested in keeping you young, beautiful and body-perfect. There is no such thing as a human being who doesn’t age and change and there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ mom. It’s time you made the adjustment from girl to woman, in a real way!

You are acting out, because you’re trying to find your power as a woman.

Historically, women have been deemed ‘crazy’ when they don’t behave in a quiet, neat and ‘good’ ways. Moms are especially subject to scrutiny and ridicule. What people don’t talk about is the importance of finding your personal power, BEFORE you can ever be a powerful role maker and mother.

You haven’t had a chance to do that yet, because you’ve been puppeted by your family and people in the business to make you appear in an image and likeness they find appealing. Now that no one’s holding the strings–you’re not quite sure what to do. That’s madness in the making.

By the same token, just because you do what the public deems ‘normal’ doesn’t mean you’re doing a ‘good’ job either. The papers have been applauding Kevin Federline as a ‘good Dad’ because he stands there mute. He’s quiet. He’s domicile. His veneer is together. No one knows what he does in private and I suspect it’s not always very admirable. I recently saw his photo in Star Magazine. They had him posing with a cigarette in his hand, and the title ‘good Dad’ above him. There aren’t any uprisings about him smoking?? Why not?

We are all human beings first and foremost. You need to find your power. Your power can’t just come from your youth and body anymore, because once you cross over that invisible line of ‘Momdom’ you become something else – A Mom Rocker.

Feel free to contact me anytime. We’re an organization of Moms Who Rock!

All Love and Compassion for you on your journey,
Joy Rose


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Is John Fitzgerald Page The Worst Person In The World?

According to Gawker, John Fitzgerald Page is the worst person in the world. Why? Because he wrote some mean, arrogant things to a woman who winked at him on Match.com. His email response extolled how wonderful he is and sounded more like a resume than a friendly note. After reading the email he sent she sent him a polite note saying she felt they weren’t match.

Page made a point of asking her about her body and indicated he assumed she’s not in good shape because she only had headshots with her profile. When she turned him down, he hurled even more nasty assumptions at her. Since his ego is inflated more than a balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, John was angry because he believed that she had no right to turn his sorry butt down. After all, he went to good schools, did impressive things, and was a great catch, right?

Wrong! People who think they’re better than most, are the worst candidates for a relationship.

They may look good and have money but a jumbo ego is toxic. It creates a ME-ME-ME mentality. If someone responded to me like he did to this woman I’d have deleted it fast and run. Cross them and they get vicious. Reject and they bite. Don’t go along with their needs and they attack. I’ve been with men who thought they were IT. It was all about them. They were critical and expected to get what they wanted. Women can be that way too.

When John Fitzgerald Page responded to her turning him down, he was also showing the kind of person he his. How dare anyone turn these super-egos down? So they attack. And get nasty as their anger of not being worshiped comes out. They think that someone they give attention to should be grateful for it; that they’re better than the rest; that they should be catered to by the person lucky enough to be with them.

If you want to feel good about yourself, avoid these types at all costs. It’s hard to feel self-empowered when you’re with someone who truly thinks that he or she is a prize who is most important. Value yourself enough to only with someone who values you too! From what I hear from both sexes who’ve dated an overblown ego, if you date one, you’re more likely to:

* Lose yourself and your needs to his or her ego.

* Feel unappreciated

* Be criticized

* Experience lousy, selfish sex.

* Have poor communication because they think they’re always right and don’t listen.

* Walk on eggshells to avoid annoying the jerk and setting him or her off.

So, is John Fitzgerald Page the worst person in the world?

No! there are plenty of others just like him.

Most egos grow because people stoke them. It’s YOUR choice to do that to someone you like. Make sure you’re getting at least close to as good as you give. When I was a DoorMat, I jumped whenever my latest HE wanted something. And when I had a particularly hot boyfriend, I danced to his tune even faster, apologizing for things I didn’t even do and doing everything HIS way.

As I say in my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise, we create the jerks by making a romantic partner much more important than ourselves. Guys like John Fitzgerald Page get away with arrogance and selfishness because they’re allowed to. No one can do something to you that YOU DON’T ALLOW.

If we keep acting like they’re special or better than us, they’ll keep acting like they are.
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I laugh at people like John Fitzgerald Page. I’ve heard him justify his pathetic response to this woman on CBS's Early Show and found it hilarious, and sad. You can watch his clueless, arrogant reply on the Gawker post, Does his quote give you a clue about his attitude? You’ll hear he has no shame talking about how women should respond to men of his caliber. I think a woman's response should be to run fast.

Nobody is better than anyone else. ALL human being should be respectful to each other. People with better looks or education or anything else are not better people; those who weigh more, have less education or make less money are just as good. I’ve learned that people who have to let others know how wonderful they are usually have low self-esteem and must reinforce the qualities they feel will get them admired.

Just because someone is good looking, wealthy, has a good job, a nice home, a top education, etc, doesn’t mean the bearer of all those goodies likes him or herself. Attractive kids get put down and emotionally damaged. Smart kids get kicked. Whether fat or thin, smart or struggling, pretty or not, being treated poorly hurts us all equally. Spouting hot air about how wonderful you are doesn’t heal the wounds. Only making a conscious effort to love yourself and develop better self-esteem can do that.

Wounds follow a person into adulthood. Sometimes they manifest in arrogance that’s a substitutes for self-love or a true sense of self-worth.

I think I’m a terrific chick but don’t go around telling people how wonderful I am. When you truly have good self-esteem, you let others discover all your good facets instead of advertising them. Telling, or not telling, doesn’t add or detract from who you are. I think John Fitzgerald Page needs to tell people how wonderful he is because he doesn’t love himself. I don’t think he’s the worst person in the world. I think he’s a sad, unhappy man, and toxic to anyone who gets close to him. I’d rather be single forever than go out with someone like him.

When I hear that someone is a good catch, I know the person is referring to external attributes that might make an impact on people but won’t keep you warm at night. They’ll impress friends and family and you’ll feel a false sense of worthiness for having “hooked” this catch. If a relationship centers around one person, it doesn’t usually create the connection that generate real love between partners. It’s better to love the person, not what you get from being with him or her!

Wait for people—whether in biz or for pleasure, who you like as a person.

Be careful when you meet those types! And more importantly—be careful not to become one of them! If you hear yourself spouting how wonderful you are, close your mouth, work on loving yourself more and show by deeds that a good person you are. You’ll attract better opportunities and healthier people if you do! ☺

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks! And thanks to Empowering Women for posting my article in this week's Carnival.

I Pigged Out and It’s FINE!

I’ve been taking control of my body and lowering my cholesterol without meds. I do my best to eat healthy. But, when I spent a few days at my sister’s home in the Berkshire Mountains, I ate whatever I wanted. I mean serious piggy time. Double my portions. Cheese, which I love, but don’t eat often, and LOTS of dessert! This kind of eating can instill tremendous guilt. But, not for me!

I also admit that I brought some leftovers home with me. The turkey and other good but healthier food went into the freezer. The pies—they remained handy. The next day I made like a turkey and gobble—gobble—gobbled! Pumpkin pie for lunch. Blueberry pie for breakfast. Stomach ache for dinner. Yet all the while I knew it was okay because I didn’t bring home unlimited quantities and once it was eaten, there would be no more.

Now that I’ve finished the treats, I’m being careful to balance that over-eating with lots of veggies and no unhealthy fats for a bit. And running every day!

Too many people ruin their pleasure by beating themselves up for indulging their eating passions. That can make you eat lots of delicious calories, but not enjoy them as much as you could. If you think, “I’m bad for eating this..,” it puts a damper on your pleasure. I prefer pleasure! When you give yourself permission to enjoy a pig-out, it’s easier to stop it after.

Think in terms of controlling your eating, not punishing it. A day or a weekend of indulgence won’t put permanent weight on your unless it continues after. That’s the part you need to control. By the second or third day I’m usually satiated and careful about not having temptations in my apartment. I love myself enough to thoroughly enjoy a pig-out, and to control myself after. That comes with time and practice.

Find ways to control yourself so a pig-out doesn’t become a long-term binge.

* Exercise. When I crave something, I put on my sneakers and head for the park. Jump rope. Go for a walk. It can energize you and take the place of eating.

* Substitute something else for what you crave. Keep healthier snacks, like nuts, or a slow spoonful of peanut butter, available for emergency munchies. I’ve forced myself to eat one baby carrot after another until a craving subsided.

* If you like pasta, try House Tofu Shirataki. It’s found in the refrigerator section of some supermarkets and health food stores. It smells a little funky when you open the package but once it’s rinsed and quickly boiled, you can cover it with some tomato sauce or other flavoring and it tastes good. The best part—a whole package is only 40 calories, full of protein and filling!!

* Do affirmations. “I love myself enough to take control of my eating.” “I choose to eat healthy.”

* Remind yourself how lousy overeating can feel and the price of doing it for too long. Is the momentary bliss of an extra piece of pie or third helping of potatoes worth the pain of gaining weight that’s hard to lose?

Try to avoid seeing a holiday pig-out as the beginning of serious overeating. Eat, enjoy, eat more, enjoy, then settle your stomach and do what you can to go back to eating healthy. I was offered a lot more fattening leftovers than I took home with me. I set limits by not tempting myself with too much. The holiday season is upon us and it’s easier to control how long your pig-outs last than to take off a lot of unwanted weight with a futile New Year’s resolution. It’s more satisfying to feel in control of yourself. And, you’ll gain less weight, which will up your level of self-empowerment.

I have several holiday parties coming up but know I already had my big pig-out so I'll be more careful most of the time. Parties are easier than a holiday weekend! Beforehand, I eat VERY healthy and never go out too hungry. That leads to more eating. Oink! ☺ I eat a late lunch and snack on some nuts before I go. Then I can control my nibbling more.

You CAN control your holiday eating IF you CHOOSE to.

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Happy Turkey Day!

I’ll be away for the long weekend and won’t be posting again till next week. I wanted to wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving, and the hope that you’ll find LOTS of things to be thankful for!


Why I’m Grateful (just a few of the gassillion things I could list if I had more more time)
My health is terrific!
I earn a living doing what I love.
I have a fabulous sunny, spacious, quiet, rent stabilized apartment in midtown Manhattan.
I still feel 21.
I’m happy with who I am and how I look.
My self-confidence is soaring.
I get up every day smiling.
I have wonderful friends and family.
I’m getting into better shape as I get older.
I’m writing this looking out at beautiful forest and mountains in the Berkshires.

I’m not a DoorMat anymore!!!

Enjoy your holiday dinner and don’t get guilty if you indulge. It takes the pleasure out of an occasional splurge. I’m delighted to share a yummy meal with my family and will enjoy it all guilt free. We have almost as many pies as people! But, I know better than to take too many rich leftovers home with me. Am about to go out for a power walk and some running in the hills surrounding me before I sit down to feast.

I wish you all a blessed Thanksgiving that lasts through to next years holiday!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

Developing Conscious Gratitude

With Thanksgiving coming up, I had to join all the other bloggers who are writing about gratitude. I’m always blown away by the extent to which having gratitude attracts more goodies. While it’s good to give thanks on the holiday, you shouldn’t limit it to one day. Holidays are a nice reminder, but don’t save it all up for Thursday! Learn how to manifest more and feel truly good from develop a conscious feeling of gratitude.

Feeling gratitude for what you have attracts more to be grateful for. Gratitude is like fuel for the Law of Attraction!

It’s in all my books. But no matter how strong faith is, it’s easy to forget to be grateful, or to do it by rote, instead of with your heart. I look up many times a day and say thanks for small things that go right--getting somewhere faster than usual, connecting with someone important, a beautiful day, a headache leaving, etc. The more I appreciate, the better life gets. I also say “thank you” in advance of what I want in order to reinforce my expectation. “Thank you for good weather for my party tomorrow.” People ask how I’m able to smile most of the time.

Being consciously grateful for my blessings increases my happiness by a lot. And happiness makes life more beautiful!

Do you consciously appreciate your blessings? You should! Gratitude attracts more blessings. It’s a great mood booster—a reminder of your goodies. Keep a blessings journal. Every night, write down something that you’re grateful for that day. Even if you have to dig and stretch, find some good that came with your day. A record of your blessings keeps you focused on the positive things in your life and may inspire you to attract more goodies!

I recently began a Yahoo! Group called “Conscious Gratitude” and invite you all to join. It’s free and just beginning so I don’t know exactly where it will go. You can choose to get emails as they come in or in groups of 25 in digest form each day. Join me in being more consciously grateful!

Acknowledging blessings brings you more. I’ve created this group to help us all become more conscious of the good in our lives. How will it work?

* Start paying attention to little things that you can be grateful for.
* Send one or more in an email to the group, whenever you find them. Everyone signed up will get it.
* You’ll read everyone else’s. That will trigger more consciousness of things you can show gratitude for that you may not have thought of. Every time an email with blessings arrives, it may trigger your consciousness to pay attention to your own.
* If receiving them becomes too much, you can also participate by just reading the messages online and sending your blessings.
* Sharing yours will increase your consciousness of being grateful for all the blessings you already have. The more you’re grateful for, the more you receive.
* You can also comment on what others say and encourage people that write about one step made toward a bigger goal.
* You can unsubscribe to the group any time you choose.
* Consciousness brings many rewards. This group will help to create more!

Our group is still small but I must say, I read every post and it raises my consciousness and I get ideas of things to be grateful for but don’t think of. And, I’m more conscious of expressing my gratitude.

We’re all in this life together. Bonding through blessings is a wonderful way to stay connected to positive energy. If you’d like to join, subscribe by sending an email to: consciousgratitude-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. In your first message, tell us a little about yourself if you’d like. State one or more of your blessings. And feel free to tell others who might benefit from participating about it.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

Can You Really Live by the Grace of Passion?

Can You Really Live by the Grace of Passion?

Absolutely YES! I read a post last week at Tom Volkar’s blog, Delightful Work, called Work as Play? It opened with the question, “Have you yet found work that is so delightful that you’d do it for free?” Like me, Tom is his own boss. Also like me, he loves and values the total freedom of self-determination. Then he confessed that there’s nothing he currently does that he’d do for free. But being your own boss is definitely a blessing in itself. It can allow for passions in other areas.

I commented that I’m someone who found her passion and only do what I love.

I rarely meet people who feel the way about their work as I do about mine and know how hard it is to be in this place of satisfaction. A majority of people just work for the money. I heard two guys chatting while we all waited on line in the bank. When asked how he was, the first said, “you know, eating, sleeping and working—the great American dream—hal ha!” The other nodded in agreement.

And here I thought the great American dream was to have opportunities. I’m taking advantage of my version! After being a DoorMat with no self-determination, I’m determined to hold onto my power—because I CAN!

These guys discussed how anxiously they looked forward to being able to take retirement. They weren’t much over 40 years old and they were looking forward to retiring so they wouldn’t have to work anymore! Ah… that was the pinnacle of joy in their eyes. I felt sad for them that they didn’t seem to have things to look forward to tomorrow. So many people are in routines that they call life. But that isn’t living—it’s passing time.

Even if someone left me a huge trust fund, I’d never stop writing. Never! I can’t imagine not writing.

When I was a Doormat, I did everything that was expected of me. It felt more like being in a comatose state than like living—getting through today so I could get to tomorrow. Yet tomorrow I’d do the same thing. I became a teacher because I was told that’s what I should do. It developed into another routine as I stifled my need for passionate outlets. After leaving my husband, I continued teaching for a while, as I was prepared for nothing else. It was a time of soul searching.

Then I discovered the power of having faith. As someone who was always a non-believer, feeling a strong spiritual support blew me away. And impelled me to follow my heart.

I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in pursuit of ways to avoid living. When I finally decided to wake up, I was beyond the point of being scared. Still, I didn’t just glide from point A—unhappily teaching—to points B-Z and beyond—having a career that feels like a blessing each day. As Tom said, creating a life of self-determination isn’t easy. I didn’t just become a successful author. I built up to it.

Preparation and desire can help you find a path to satisfaction from how you make a living. Many authors have day jobs, so leaving mine was sort of scary. I say sort of, since I took steps before I cut off my other sources of income. I didn’t quit a job since I’ve actually never had a permanent one. For years I’ve been commitment phobic about my time. I have no problem committing with the right guy.

But my time—that’s the most valuable commodity in my eyes.

After many years of living in DoorMatville, my time became precious. I was tired of feeling committed to doing whatever others wanted. It was time to live and breathe on my own terms, so I didn’t want obligations—unless they were ones I truly desired—to limit what I could do. I was teaching, but as a substitute once I got divorced. While I earned less in money and benefits, I gained more in freedom. When the opportunity arose to travel, I could just say I wasn’t available to work for two weeks, and off I’d go. I love being free to do what I want, when I want, how I want.

Subbing was easy. I could have worked every day if I chose to. But one day, after thinking about how much I didn’t want to continue to do it, I realized I was ready to make the leap. At the end of the school year, I’d get a renewal form to fill out to teach the following year. It was a simple page that I just had to sign, put it in the envelope they sent, and mail. So easy. And, so easy to continue in my rut.

I decided I was ready to be happy! To rock and roll with life! So I burned the renewal and never looked back.

Working for yourself can be tough, and I admire that Tom has been able to do that. I’d never written anything for money and was just beginning to teach some workshops on the music industry and self-empowerment. There was no clear vision of how I’d earn a living. But by that time, my faith was VERY strong and I was living according to the law of attraction. I knew I had to make room in my life. I could have renewed the license, put it in a draw and just not teach. But, that showed doubt, and I don’t doubt God’s support! I knew when I showed I’m ready for it, the guide would come. My circumstance just worked out after that.

Once my safety net was cut, opportunities opened. Even in quiet financial times, I keep the faith. I’m on a happy path and don’t ever want to get off it. If you choose to make changes, do it slowly. Take the time to explore your options. Decide what’s most important to you. Next week I’ll post some specific tips for getting out of a work rut. For now, think about how happy you are—or aren’t. Then decide what it’s worth to look forward to work instead of looking forward to it being over.

In his blog Tom also asked, “Could the most delightful work possibly be the freedom to not work at all?”

I don’t think that would work for most people. There are many stories about people who win the lottery, quit work, and blow the money because it doesn’t make them happy. It’s important to have fulfilling work to live in order to live with satisfaction and contentment. My plan for when I win the lottery ☺ is to invest some for a guaranteed income to pay my bills and use the rest to help others. I’d continue to write, speak, and counsel people, without having to get paid. Even if I became a gazillionaire, there’s no way I’d stop doing what I do now!

I know I’m a very blessed chick! My passion for writing is so strong that I couldn’t live without it.

Learning How to Be Happier

Happiness seems like such a simple concept, yet so many folks walk around unhappy. We often lose sight of what it actually is. When I was a DoorMat, happiness meant having a good day, not getting hurt, getting attention from someone I thought I needed, or being with a guy I liked and feeling complete for the moment. But that wasn’t real happiness! It was moments of not being unhappy.

Who’d have thunk that there would be a need for a whole course on happiness? Many of us need to be taught how to achieve it! Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D teaches the largest course at Harvard University on "Positive Psychology" and the third largest on "The Psychology of Leadership."
 Tal consults and lectures around the world to executives in multi-national corporations, the general public, and at-risk populations about happiness, self-esteem, resilience, goal setting, mindfulness, and leadership. His new book is called Happier. It’s an excellent course in happiness! Below is a sample.

Fifth Meditation: Imagine
Reprinted from Tal Ben-Shahar's new book, HAPPIER, with permission from McGraw-Hill.
By Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D

“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.” – Mark Twain

You are one hundred and ten years old. A time machine has just been invented, and you are selected as one of the first people to use it. The inventor, a scientist from NASA, tells you that you will be transported back to the day when, as it happens, you first read Happier. You, with the wisdom of having lived and experienced life, have fifteen minutes to spend with your younger and less experienced self. What do you say when you meet? What advice do you give yourself?

I formulated this thought experiment after reading an account by psychiatrist Irvin Yalom of terminally ill patients:

“An open confrontation with death allows many patients to move into a mode of existence that is richer than the one they experienced prior to their illness. Many patients report dramatic shifts in life perspectives. They are able to trivialize the trivial, to assume a sense of control, to stop doing things they do not wish to do, to communicate more openly with families and close friends, and to live entirely in the present rather than in the future or the past. As one’s focus turns from the trivial diversions of life, a fuller appreciation of the elemental factors in existence may emerge: the changing seasons, the falling leaves, the last spring, and especially, the loving of others. Over and over we hear our patients say, ‘Why did we have to wait until now, till we are riddled with cancer, to learn to value and appreciate life?’”

What struck me when I read accounts of terminally ill patients, whether by Yalom or others, is that following the news of their disease the patients were still the same people with the same knowledge of life’s questions and answers, with the same cognitive and emotional capacities. No one descended from Mt. Sinai presenting them with commandments on how to live; no Chinese, Indian or Greek sage revealed to them the secrets to the good life; no one gave them mind- or heart-enhancing drugs; they did not discover a new and revolutionary self-help book that changed their lives.

Yet, with the capacities they always had—which seemed to be inadequate in making them happy before—their lives changed. They gained no new knowledge but, rather, an acute awareness of what they knew all along. In other words, they had within them the knowledge of how they should live life. It was just that they ignored this knowledge or were not conscious of it.

What the time-travel thought experiment does is make us aware of life’s brevity and preciousness. Granted, a hundred-and-ten-year-old has more experience—and there are no shortcuts in terms of gaining much of the wisdom that a full life can give us—but some of what we become aware of if we are lucky enough to live to be one hundred and ten we already know when we are fifty or even twenty. It is a matter of awareness. George Bernard Shaw’s quip notwithstanding, youth does not need to be wasted on the young.

TIME-IN: Have you had experiences that made you reevaluate your priorities? Did you follow up on your new insights or understanding?

There is very little that any philosophy, psychology, or self-help book can teach us that is new about attaining the ultimate currency. The most a book or teacher can do is to help raise our awareness, to help us become more fully in touch with what we already know. Ultimately, our progress, our growth, and our happiness come from our ability to look within ourselves and ask the important questions.

EXERCISE
**ADVICE FROM YOUR INNER SAGE: Do the exercises just described. Imagine that you are one hundred and ten years old or significantly older than you are now. Take fifteen minutes to give yourself advice on how to give yourself more happiness in your life, starting at this point. Do the exercise in writing. As much as possible, ritualize the advice. If, for instance, your older self advises you to spend more time with your family, commit to an additional weekly or biweekly family outing.

Return to this exercise regularly—look at what you wrote, add to it, and ask yourself whether you have taken the advice of your inner sage.

Definitely check out this bestselling book, Happier and see why people flock to Tal Ben-Shahar to help them improve their happiness.

Is Fat Contagious??

Last night on Boston Legal (one of my favorite shows!), Denny Crane got sued by a lawyer who he fired for being fat. Every time he nonchalantly referred to her as FAT, I cringed. This sweet but pudgy character didn’t flinch at hurling insult after insult as facts that gave him license to be verbally abusive.

The fat insulting the fatter! Many people have no conscience about attacking the dignity of those who are overweight!

Boston Legal is a TV show—fiction—but it illustrates the attitudes that some people can have. Denny chucked fat statements at the overweight lawyer, as she said, “ka-ching, ka-ching.” She and her lawyer sued him, expecting a big settlement. After all, firing someone for being fat is discrimination, right? Wrong! The Denny Crane character got off the hook by using the excuse that he didn’t want to catch her fat.

Outrageous!?!? YES! He argued that fat is contagious and he felt it harmful to let her be in his law firm. You might think that the writers took license with writing a fictitious story. But, a study in the July 26, 2007 issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, substantiates, at least somewhat, that this can be true!

A study at Harvard Medical School, the Department of Medicine, reported that person-to-person spread of obesity is a possible factor that contributes to its epidemic.

Do your friends make you fat? Hmmm… It got me thinking. I often avoid making plans with some people in the evening because I know if we go out, it will be a decadent dinner that I know has too many calories for me. Trying to talk to them doesn’t work. I counter that by inviting them to do things that don’t involve food.

Can friends, family and co-workers really make you fat? NO! Only YOU can make YOU fat!

* Friends can tempt you but it’s YOUR choice to get carried away eating.

* Colleagues can bring in donuts but it’s YOUR choice to put them in your mouth and swallow. No one forces you!

* Your kids don’t want you to pick at their snacks! YOU use it as an excuse to eat junk.

* Chicken parmigiana may make your mouth water when you see it on a menu, or on the next table, but it’s YOUR decision to order it instead of something broiled.

I know it’s hard. I’m not trying to make you feel bad for being weak. Just this morning I went to a meeting with good intentions and my own peanut butter on whole wheat to munch on. Until someone walked in with a box of donuts! My hand grabbed one so fast I wanted to smack it! But I ate it slowly and forced myself not to reach for another one. You don’t want to deprive yourself but you also don’t want to let food make you feel out of control.

You can’t control other people’s eating habits but you can do things to curb temptation.

* Plan for splurges. Tonight I’m going to an event that serves pizza. And I’m going to have some as my dinner. So, for lunch I ate very healthy veggies with no fat to balance my eating. And I always blot as much oil from the slice as I can.

* Bring healthier snacks that you enjoy to work so you have something to eat when the calorie snack cart comes around or co-workers bring in junk.

* Find activities to do with friends that don’t involve eating. I’ve cut way back on dinner plans because I know too many make me gain weight.

* Kids can be taught to eat healthier so you’re not feeding them things that are poison for your diet. You’re doing them a BIG favor by starting them out right.

* Don’t let a splurge become a marathon pig-out. I know someone who lost a ton of weight and then went away for a weekend to a wedding. She used it as an excuse to gorge herself. Completely lost control all weekend. She’s still trying to get back on track from it.

* Learn to force yourself to walk away from goodies that you know can trigger weight gain. Ask yourself—out loud—“Is this moment of eating pleasure worth gaining weight and feeling lousy after?”

I NEVER diet. The idea of it is too unpleasant. Instead, I seek to eat healthy and control myself by having willpower over food. When I’m offered something fattening and know I shouldn’t eat it, I think, “I can control my desire for that.” When I do, I feel very empowered. When I don’t, I forgive myself and try again next time.

Sometimes when people ask if I'd like something yummy, I say, "yes, I'd love to eat it but I'm not going to."

While people can add to your temptations for fattening goodies, they don’t make you fat. It’s your response to the temptation that packs on pounds. Don’t use others as an excuse! I’ve had to lay down the law with people who I’d visit and get bombarded with foods I normally wouldn’t eat. I’ve even refused to go to someone’s house for dinner because I knew I’d be served decadent meals, despite my protests.

Take control of your willpower over foods that will make you gain weight.

Do more exercise when you give in to pigging out. One time won’t hurt you. When you make it a lifestyle to eat and blame it on others—you have a problem. Love yourself enough not to damage your body with too many unhealthy treats. Then you have a double blessing—healthier eating and an act of self-love!

Health Empowerment—Beating My High Cholesterol and Thyroid

For the first time I can remember, I’m excited that my doctor found a problem. Normally I want a clean bill of health. But, in this case, I knew something was wrong and wanted it treated. So I’m happy that I found a doc who took me seriously!

I’ve known for a long time that my thyroid was sluggish. But, that’s considered a fat girl’s excuse for not being thinner. So I was ignored.

Not that I’m fat. But I could lose a few and my docs acted like I must be hoarding food if I didn’t lose weight. It’s frustrating to believe that you have a health problem, yet no one will address it. Over the years, friends from out of town who’d visit would consistently ask why I wasn’t anorexic thin, considering my level of exercise, athletic prowess, and reasonably healthy diet. I wondered too. I happen to love veggies and while I’m not a vegetarian, I consider myself a veggie-holic. I’ve always limited fat and red meat. Yet it felt almost impossible to lose weight and just a treat could make me gain a pound.

Years ago I was treated by a chiropractor after a car accident. He asked if I don’t lose weight from exercise and gained too easily. Yes! The doc said my neck was resting on my thyroid in a way that kept it from functioning at full capacity and would I like him to adjust it? Yes again! Two months later I moved to Fantasy Island. I was able to eat cheesecake every day and still lose weight. The adjustments wore off after a few months and the doc became unavailable. But I had a taste of a properly functioning thyroid.

I read A LOT about health to empower myself. And I prefer a natural approach when possible. Two years ago I noticed myself getting many signs of an underactive thyroid and asked my primary care doc to test mine. My TSH (the number they monitor) was 3.76. I asked for meds but she pooh-poohed me and said the number was fine. Yet my weight began going up as I ate less and ran more. My hair got brittle, my LDL cholesterol went up, I felt more tired, and other symptoms. All at the same time!

Yet she used the typical excuse—hormones! Since I’m a woman and not getting younger, everything that goes on with me is blamed on that. But my gut said it was my thyroid.

All my doc cared about was putting me on cholesterol meds. Since my triglycerides and HDL numbers were excellent, my gut said not to take any. The side effects aren’t pleasant. So I refused them. Last year my TSH went to 4 but doc again ignored my concerns. So I spoke to my gyno, who just rolled her eyes and said it was fine, and I should take cholesterol meds.

Give the girl some pills so you can send her home! Taking the easy way.

Motivated by self-love, I voraciously read everything I could about the thyroid and cholesterol. I was especially revved by reading what Dr. Christiane Northrup, author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, among others, said. I also heard her speak. She said that women’s cholesterol levels tend to be higher than men’s and advises against meds if possible. Yeah! So I began a natural war against my cholesterol in June—cutting back even more on things in my diet that could hurt it, and taking some natural substances, including plant sterols and stanols.

Dr. Northrup does advise taking meds for the thyroid. I read an article in a health magazine that said many docs don’t take elevated TSH’s seriously and learned a normal one is 1.5. The writer advised seeing an endocrinologist if your doc ignores higher numbers. I called the Thyroid Foundation of America and the kind woman who answered explained that I needed an endocrinologist who specializes in thyroid. Many mainly do diabetes problems. She helped me locate one my health plan.

I went to him and he agreed that meds can help regulate my thyroid. It’s not super high but high enough to be causing my symptoms. This morning I joyously took my first low does of the hormone that balances the TSH. My gut is excited. I believe that soon I’ll have more energy and feel better in other ways. And my running will manifest better results!

Adding to my joy, I’m winning the war against my cholesterol! My LDL went down 17 points and my total cholesterol is down 23 points. I’m writing a whole article about how to regulate cholesterol naturally and will post it when it’s ready.

You can be your own health advocate!

Too many doctors just treat patients in the easiest way possible. Many don’t believe in natural alternatives. While I’m not against real medication, as evidenced by my desire to take them for my thyroid, I’d rather use something with fewer/no side affects if possible. My cholesterol levels are improving without my liver being at risk from the side effects. And I found a way to help my thyroid despite the two docs who pooh-poohed me.

Knowledge really is powerful, especially when it comes to your own health. Alternatives are out there for those who seek them out!

Part of the problem I’ve noticed with many docs is they don’t have good listening skills and because they’re often rushed, they begin with their own agendas. When I told the one who just tested my cholesterol that I was happy my cholesterol had gone down a good bit, he just said, “but it’s still high.” I tried explaining that I thought going down 23 points in 4 months shows that my efforts to lower it are working. His reply, “but it’s still high.” And he tried to prescribe meds. I wanted to slap him!

When I was a DoorMat I’d have listened and begun popping the pills he recommended. Now I empower myself with knowledge.

I don’t profess to being smarter than a doctor. But my last doc new NOTHING about foods with healthy fats. “Fat is fat” she barked when I explained why some nuts and fish oils helped lower cholesterol. I read every health magazine and question what I’m told. My neighbor always refers to her doc at the loony lady. I’ve given up suggesting she get someone else. She’s comfortable with a doc who doesn’t give her good health care. She’s also devoid of self-empowerment. I’m getting new doctors, and will continue to switch until I find one who I feel is best for me. And, I’ll continue to read everything I can to learn about my options.

I equate taking good care of yourself as a beautiful act of self-love.

My body lovingly responds to my efforts by healing. A positive attitude toward health problems can also help you to heal. You only have one body. Don’t abuse it with ignorance. If something’s wrong, do whatever you can to find the best solution. Love YOU enough to give yourself the gift of being as healthy as possible.

Being the CEO of Your Personal Corporation

I got a nice response to Monday’s post about monitoring your thoughts to make life more positive. I want to expand on that subject, to give you more consciousness about how to change your thoughts in ways that benefit you.

When YOU take responsibility for your thoughts and how they influence your life, YOU give yourself the power to have more positive experiences.

If someone says you can’t so something, do you automatically assume you can’t? That’s how YOU hold yourself back! In my DoorMat days, everyone but me ruled my thoughts. The media told me I was fat, though I wasn’t. But I felt fat. I was told that I couldn’t have a career in business and became a teacher, which I never wanted. Because I followed the limitations others gave me, I was rarely happy.

As my self-esteem slowly left the toilet, I learned to refute the thoughts that hurt me. Instead of acquiescence, I challenged what others said.

Life got better when I began to manage my thoughts. Limitations melted away as I turned mine around. I went from being an unhappy schoolteacher to reinventing myself into the successful and ecstatically happy woman I am today. While I haven’t lost weight, I no longer see myself as fat. I KNOW I’m a hot, beautiful babe! No one can take that away from me anymore—no one but ME!

If someone calls you a loser, does that make you one?

Only if you CHOOSE to believe it!

If you think “I’m a loser,” you’ll feel like one. If you decide that the person calling you one is the loser, you can laugh and feel like a winner. That’s where your power begins—managing the messages you get from friends, family, the media, and old memories which are often painful reminders of things that knocked your self-esteem out from under you.

Whether you work in a corporation, for yourself, and anywhere in between, you know what a CEO is. He or she is the chief executive—the person who ranks the highest and is in charge of a company. Everything is reported to the CEO, who has the final say. Think about this to create better awareness of how you process thoughts so you can CHOOSE to have better ones.

YOU are CEO of your personal corporation. Your consciousness is the headquarters.

CEOs evaluate the overall picture and make decisions based on what he or she considers are in the company’s best interest. So do you. Every negative thought must get by you before it’s processed. You can convince your personal board of directors (your thoughts and beliefs) to accept input, or veto it. It’s your choice to harness the board and not vote busters into your consciousness. If you allow them to lobby and take control of how you see yourself, prepare for low self-esteem and choices that make you unhappy.

Keep in mind Eleanor Roosevelt’s wise words, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” You have the power to beat the busters!

Interview with Louise L. Hay

On Monday I talked about how you can turn your life around by just changing a thought. I learned this from Louise L. Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. This book was my catalyst for reinventing me into the very happy and productive chick I am today. When I told her that I owed the rest of my life to her, she just laughed and said she can’t take credit since she didn’t invent the things she wrote about, just wrote about how the Universe can work for you. I disagree. It was the way she presented the Law of Attraction that resonated with me. I took her tools and ran with them.

My consciousness increased a million-fold as I read the book. Now I monitor my thoughts to make sure I put out only ones that manifest goodies or that won't attract negatives. Some of you emailed for info about Ms. Hay. So I’m reprinting the interview I did with her.

Louise Hay is a lecturer, metaphysical teacher, and best selling author. She advocates loving yourself, which helps you get more of what you want. Ms. Hay explains how if we’re willing to change our thinking, we can change our lives. I live by this!

The product of an abusive childhood, Ms. Hay left home at 15. At 16 she gave up a baby for adoption. Because of her low self-esteem, at first she attracted abusive men. Ms. Hay survived and turned her life around. After discovering the Church of Religious Science, which as a metaphysical approach to healing that encourages finding mental patterns that can trigger illness, she published a book called, Heal Your Body giving mental reasons for physical illness, with positive thought patterns for healing. The principles of this book are in You Can Heal Your Life. Whenver I have a physical problem, I look in her book to find the metaphysical cause. Then I work to heal that area of my life.

Things were good until she was diagnosed with cancer in the vaginal area.

Ms. Hay decided to use her mental powers to heal. She believed her cancer was caused by strong resentment from childhood sexual abuse. Refusing medical treatment, Ms. Hay instead opted for physical cleansing with the help of a nutritionist, and mental cleansing with the help of a good therapist and her own positive thought patterns. Six months later she was diagnosed as cancer free!

Here are thoughts from a woman who has truly healed her life, and whose books and audio material has helped millions to heal themselves:

What were your first steps towards change? "The people at Church of Religious Science were the very first who told me that if I was willing to change my thinking, I could change my life. It was like a lightening bolt through me." (Daylle’s note: That happened to me when I read her book!)

How can we use our thoughts as tools? "I believe we create our own lives. And we create it by our thinking, feeling patterns in our belief system. I think we're all born with this huge canvas in front of us and the paintbrushes and the paint, and we choose what to put on this canvas . . . I wish the children could be taught early on that our thinking creates our experience. "

How can we stop putting off making changes? "It's like a diet. You have to make a decision that this is the day. You know 'I will not procrastinate any longer; I will not put it off any longer. Today I will begin to love myself, even if it is only a little bit.' Like a diet, if you eat one less candy bar or donut a day, you're doing your body some good."

How did you find courage to fight cancer? "I already had some tools to work with. Even so I was frightened at the time. But I stuck with what I had learned and worked in a way to holistically heal myself. It took diet, exercise, prayer, affirmations, good therapy. I worked with a therapist who specialized in anger. I beat pillows, screamed and got lots of buried stuff out."

How can someone begin to work on self-esteem? "I like mirror work (looking in the mirror and saying, "I love you.") Look at what is keeping you from saying it if you can't.... Where messages come from...that there's no truth in them and you can make up messages you want."

What is guilt? "Beating yourself up for something that didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. Remember, yesterday ended last night. There's no point in carrying it forward with you."

Why should we let go of the past? "Because that holds you in yesterday and you can't live in the past. Learn from the past and let if go. Live in today."

Why must we learn to forgive ourselves? "Otherwise you punish yourself. Forgiveness is for yourself because it frees you. It lets you out of that prison you put yourself in."

“You’re Cute” is NOT Sexual Harassment!

On The View this past Friday, Whoopi led the ladies in a discussion about a woman who was suing for sexual harassment after being told she looked cute. The alleged harasser didn’t touch this woman or make a sexual advance. She was obviously offended by receiving a compliment. But, is this really grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit? I don’t think so!

I don’t know how the guy said it. Was saliva dripping in his words? I’d guess not. Was he eying her up and down? Perhaps. But I think that the term sexual harassment needs a makeover. Women need to be taught boundaries on when it is or isn’t appropriate to label an action that way. It can hurt the man being accused, whether he’s guilty or not. That’s not fair to the guy!

Women have come far on many levels. Laws have been passed to protect our equal rights and safety. But, using them indiscriminately by screaming “sexual harassment!” whenever a guy says or does something that rubs the wrong way sets women’s empowerment back by a heck of a lot! An empowered woman HANDLES a situation. Crying harassment and then going for the jugular is not much different than girls running to get the boy who teased them into trouble.

Whine! Whine! Whine! There are many appropriate ways to deal with inappropriate behavior that doesn’t involve lawyers and making a mountain out of the statements or actions of some ignorant men.

We’re not little girls. Being overly sensitive in response to comments or behavior that’s often not meant the way it’s taken does NOT create the empowerment women say they want. It’s more like revenge against someone who pissed you off. Going after this kind of revenge makes you a victim. And victims feel powerless. Looking for easy ways to hurt someone who annoyed you doesn’t empower you. It may make you feel vindicated right after. But there are more effective ways to handle situations without looking to destroy someone.

Crying sexual harassment doesn’t solve the underlying problem—dealing with your anger and feelings of being powerless.

Often cries of harassment reflect old hurts—memories of incidents that that may have left you feeling helpless. In my DoorMat days, I was afraid to speak up and alienate the one hurting me. I kept my anger just below the surface of my consciousness so I wouldn’t have to deal with it—smiling to my latest HIM, while raging inside. Laughing when men made sexual comments that made my skin crawl. Always afraid that if I spoke up, people wouldn’t like me. But when it built up too much, my anger reared its ugly head for teensy issues that didn’t merit it or at someone who didn’t deserve it.

Many women experience this. When you don’t feel good about yourself, you take advantage of what you can. Laws were meant to protect us from real harassment, not annoying statements or reminders of times when you couldn’t take action. When anger reaches the boiling point, the poor guy who thinks he’s giving a compliment—“You’re cute”—takes the brunt of it.

We can’t be like little girls who cry wolf whenever a guy makes us angry.

The little boy watching the sheep was lonely and kept crying wolf so he’d have some company. But by the time a wolf actually came, people didn’t believe him and were tired of running to his aid for nothing. So the wolf got him. It’s the same with filing sexual harassment complaints for little things. Eventually people will get tired of hearing about it and less attention will be paid to those who deserve repercussions for their behavior.

Complaining about everything can lead to people not jumping on situations that truly go beyond legal boundaries. Women won’t be taken as seriously if we scream harassment whenever a guy annoys us. We must break the habit of looking for revenge whenever buttons are pushed by men. There are other ways to deal with behavior that feels inappropriate. While the woman is entitled to feel uncomfortable with being called cute, there are better ways to respond than sexual harassment accusations.

If you experience comments or conduct from a guy that bothers you, please take these steps first!

* Ask yourself if what was said or done justifies possibly ruining his career or whole life. Even if he wins, the stigma of being accused comes at a high cost. Does the guy calling a woman cute really deserve that?

* Talk the situation over with someone you know is objective and more detached from the situation. Don’t talk to girlfriends with emotions that are like yours. They’re likely to get you more riled up with their own anger issues. If you can talk to a guy friend, all the better!

* Accept that men have been taught that women like to get compliments and their motives may be to make you feel good. “You look cute” doesn’t mean, “I want to sleep with you.” He may be innocently trying to say something nice. Or think you look cute and believe you’ll want to know.

* Accept that men from some cultures have terms they use for all women and it means nothing disrespectful. I once worked with some Latino men. They addressed me as sweetheart, and other expressions I just want to hear from a guy I’m involved with. It irritated me. But another woman who knew them explained that was how they spoke to all women. I still didn’t like it but it stopped grating on my nerves.

* Talk to him about it, nicely. Don’t act all upset and get in someone’s face or he won’t listen objectively. Ask him for a few minutes at a quiet time when you can speak alone, and explain why it bothers you. It may surprise him. Speaking wi